Lioness

[Lioness]

I think I am having something similar, the top half of my back and neck are so painful on a morning, I feel like my spine is compressed and have constant pain all day. My memory is also terrible, I have left my car door wide open a lot recently in car parks and leave my keys on the outside of the house in the lock. It’s the silly practical everyday things, I forgot to feed the dogs this morning and came home to their breakfast still on the worktop (whoops) Also my emotion has completely left me. I cant cry and have no feeling and feel numb (apart from towards my daughter) and I think this was my defence mechanism still playing its part even though we have been apart, albeit not very long. But I get irritable on an evening when I am by myself and small things feel like quite an effort. I do think things like this are all linked to years of abuse, you cant switch back to how you were before overnight. I wish we could . Im glad you brought that up as I didn’t realise things like this happen because of what we have been through. I thought it was just me!

[Lioness]

Well done hunny, that’s brilliant. in time your peace will come and you can finally have your own space and peace of mind. you are your own person, nobody has the right to own you or manipulate you. well done, its a step closer to your happy place. thinking of you xx

[Lioness]

I contacted the police on 101 (non emergency) let them know the situation and where you will be living, they will flag you and where you are living as a priority should he turn up or cause any worry to you. That is what I did and they were brilliant. They came out to see me at my ‘safe’ address. They asked me if I wanted them to go speak to him, which they did. I think that is what has made him stay away. Glad you have people to help with moving too, Thinking of you x

[Lioness]

Hi Everyone
I haven’t been on here in a while as I am still at my mums with limited wifi, but thought I would let you all know how things are. At the mo he is not allowed any contact with me or our daughter due to ss thinking his intention was to kill me over xmas. So ive had the police out to see me and had regular contact with WA support, its been scary, but I am ok. He has stayed away and I am better without the contact and am focusing on hopefully selling the house and moving on.. im sure there will be obsticles yet to come and I have to arrange supervised visits for him and our daughter along side ss, I am still up and down and it isn’t easy but I am feeling a bit more positive and starting to sleep better. I want to thank everyone on here for your support when I had nowhere else to turn, you kept me going and focused on what I needed to do. Thank you so much xx

[Lioness]

Hi everyone, hope everyone is keeping strong, its been a quiet week for me, I am still at my mums and he is still at the home, I have had contact with womens aid and they have organised a meeting with a solicitor and applying for an occupation order for him to move out. I am feeling nervous and I don’t know what to expect with this, he is very clever and if I have to self represent myself I feel like he will crush me in court. I feel really uneasy can anyone advise me?, I have a while until my appointment and all sorts of thoughts have now entered my head. xx

[Lioness]

I have been trying to leave for years, I left and came back so many times. People always said to me, you will know when the time is right, and once you know, and have made up your mind nothing will stop you. Its taken me a lot of years, I always put obsticles in the way like birthdays and things that had been planned. I only left last week so it is early days, Its not ideal just before xmas, but its never a good time, but I know I am not going back that is for sure. I am unsure of the road ahead but anything is better than living with him, he drained me emotionally, physically, mentally and financially. It’s the scariest thing in the world, leaving, scenarios going through my head of how he would react. I over think things but that is because he has made me so anxious in life. I didn’t really have a plan, I had my mums to go to so I just said I am leaving, got in the car and left. Our only contact is arranging him to see our daughter, he has left me alone this time, but previous times he has harassed me over the phone, texts etc, usually when he had been drinking (which was every night). He would say if I leave him he would accuse me of attacking him with a knife and cut himself and call the police, he has tried to scare me by trying to kill himself in front of me, he has verbally abused his parents and scared them because he wanted me back and so on. So yes deciding to leave is a massive thing, a scary thing, but I knew enough was enough and because it was affecting our daughter, I knew I had to do it for her. Even though now she is missing him, I am now trying to deal with that. He is still in the house so I also have all that to deal with yet. My advice is to have a plan, and get as much professional advice as possible. I didn’t really get the professional support as such before I left but I am reaching out for it now. I got the confidence to leave from talking on this forum, I found the courage from being on here and everyone is so lovely and supportive. It’s the best place to be when you are wanting to escape. You will know when it feels right, just be safe that is the main thing ..Thinking of you xx

[Lioness]

Thank you so much, your support has lifted me, i have called WA today (finally) and spoke to a lovely lady, she is arranging for someone to get in touch with me. I just want to cry and I feel mixed emotions my head is spinning and I feel so tired. I think if I had my own place it would be easier, my daughter could have a bed to herself. my mum has been brilliant so far, but she isn’t well and it taking its toll in her too. I just feel awful. Hoping tomorrow will be a better day. Thank you all so much I wouldn’t be able to do it without you all xx

[Lioness]

Thank you so much for all your support, it’s been a blur the last few days. I’m
Struggling, my daughter says she misses home and misses daddy and doesn’t want to be at nannas for Xmas It’s breaking my heart, she seems all mixed up and I feel like it’s my fault. I’ve tried to explain to her the reasons why we are at nannas but she was beside herself. I just feel very low today and not sleeping isn’t helping. I haven’t rung WA yet but I am going to this morning.ss have referred me to a domestic violence support group and said that he needs to move out of the family home. I don’t think I can get through the day of I don’t speak to someone, feel like I’m going to breakdown, I’ve cried this morning. Feel like I have to fight for everything in my life. Just feeling very low today xx

[Lioness]

Thank you so much for your advice, I am going to call womens aid today. Ss called me this morning as I told them I had moved out. she seemed to be confused as to why I have moved out. And told me that after her meeting with him he is getting help for his drinking and mental health.. Well I hope he does! I have tried my best with him and he had a stint in rehab (detail removed by Moderator) yet we are back to square one. They are involved with us as he has been caught with (detail removed by Moderator) and the police have contacted ss as a child is involved. They want to speak to me on my own, I have never spoken to them before. I just feel really uneasy about it. Unfortunately it is a joint mortgage, but he hasn’t worked for over (detail removed by Moderator) now, so I am working and paying everything. He is blacklisted now as he has debts he cannot meet repayments for. He gets his benefit money and that is what buys him his drink. My mum possibly would be a buffer, but she hasn’t spoken to him for the last (detail removed by Moderator) after he squared up to her and caused me all this harassment. I think I will get a new number, I will see what wa say, will have to call them from work as he can view my itemised bills online. So yeah a new contract is a good idea. Thank you so much, feeling scared but I know I can do this x

[Lioness]

Thank you, it’s a wobbly ride. When he doesn’t contact me I feel fine, then I see a missed call or a text and my anxiety kicks in straight away. Think the next step is solicitors, that’s just as scary! X

[Lioness]

Well done Hun, it is the most difficult time, they will try anything won’t they, it’s a very bumpy ride. Their intention is to break you. Keep your reasons for leaving at the forefront of your mind. Write them down.remember what it was like when he wanted to hurt you, keep strong we can do this xx

[Lioness]

Thinking of you too, I hope you are ok x I have ordered the book, hopefully it will keep me strong. I have told him last night that I want it to be over, he said he will leave and be homeless, but I doubt he will, it will be me that has to leave. he made me feel guilty but I stuck to what I was saying. We slept separately and I have left this morning for work, im guessing he will be there when I get home tonight. He told me to attack him with a knife and call the police and they will take him away. I felt scared at this point but I know he says things to scare me and that is the control he has on me. I would have gone to my mums last night but I didn’t want to upset my daughter getting her out of bed, so I stayed. I feel like this is a small step in the right direction, hopefully xx

[Lioness]

Aw abcxyz, we can do this, this will be the hardest thing we have ever done. I don’t know if you are the same but I forget the bad things and sugar coat them as that is the way of life and that is all I am used to, I feel like I could never be treated any other way, I am numb to the way I live. Yet I seem to have more emotion for when he pleads with me and makes me feel guilty. I hope you are ok, keep strong and lets do this together x
I feel like this could maybe be the weekend. Im am going home and asking for a separation. I know I will get the pity me and the I love you’s. (detail removed by Moderator) I feel like this is my window. I am so relieved that the weapons have gone as he said he would say that I have attacked him with them if I leave. I hope I feel as strong when I walk through the door tonight..x

[Lioness]

Thank you so much, your story is inspiring, I know I can do it. I always put obstacles in the way, like you said the exam or weekend trip. I just need to go. I haven’t worn my engagement ring (detail removed by moderator) I don’t even know if he has noticed, but it’s off. Little things mentally, little steps. I have somewhere I can live temporarily, he told me he would leave at the weekend, but never did. He won’t go, it has to be me. No I don’t like the knives, they are hidden everywhere, it’s not normal. I know xmas is coming up, I need to get out before then, or before it gets too close. My family are behind me and just waiting for me to do it. i just hope I am strong enough this time x

[Lioness]

Thank you so much, I am staying with my mum at the mo, the only help I am getting is social services appointment (detail removed by Moderator). I picked up our daughter after work from him and he wanted the dogs back(for company) I said no. It didn’t go down very well. He genuinely thinks we will weaken me and make me go back. He’s been texting me tonight but I haven’t responded to him. I know what he is like x

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