magicunicorn

[magicunicorn]

I haven’t been on for a while. I tried to create a new topic but can’t figure it out as using my phone. But I did it, I left. He kicked off with me (removed by moderator) and I just snapped and left. I was in the car with my girls going tsee my mum, he rang me and kicked off said I was cheating. The kids were crying there eyes out as the y could hear him. I just looked at them and looked out the windows and said to girls, I know we haven’t got anything with us and I’m truly sorry girls, but I can’t do this anymore. They said it’s ok mum, we understand. So I drove like I never driven before and went to meet a police officer and I haven’t been back since. It hasn’t been easy, my emotions are up and down. But I feel a lot better. I have couciling once a week which is somethin I di didn’t think eould help me but it’s actually really good and helps me let a lot out in private instead of around the girls. I wanted to come back and say thanks for all messages I have had, it all really does help. Xxxxxxx

[magicunicorn]

thanks all, some amazing replies here. I have started to have issues eating and have such a sicken feeling inside of me at the moment. I know what I have to do, I just so scared its frustrating. I feel sick, angry and its making things very hard and awkward being around him at the moment. I know it wont be long before he says something 🙁

[magicunicorn]

i think I will have to do this to be honest. it will be difficult but will be for the best. I hate the fact that I worry about he will tell other member of his family that its me or that I cheated. I worry about that and also worry cause we are married, didn’t I marry him for a reason???? just lots of questions in my head. some days I know for a fact I am better off with out, like (removed by moderator)  he had a moan at one of my daughters and really upset her, (detail removed by moderator)  no contact is defo the way forward I think. x

[magicunicorn]

glad I found this post. I love my home and find it hard to part with it, but i do know in my head if he goes and i get to come back i think i will struggle cause its like in this room this happened and in that room this happened. i have never had a beautiful home like i do now but having to come to turns with it would be better in the long run to move on and start again. have to keep in my head that yes its just bricks and mortar you can build a new home. xxx

[magicunicorn]

weekends are not great for me either, he goes out doing what he wants when he wants. the best part is I get to be with my girls but I cant remember the last time I went out. he don’t like me going out, so I stopped as it causes me so many arguments. even if I ask to go its an issue. when I have gone out with him he just plays on his phone and im just sitting there like a total idiot and I see people looking at me! when he has a few drinks he perks up a little but he wont let me leave his side and doesn’t let me dance on my own. if we went out as couples and I walked with the girls he would pull me back and ask ” who am I out with” them? or him? so I just gave up and don’t bother no more. sad what I have become but I will fight it and get out eventually. xxx

[magicunicorn]

no don’t go! sorry to butt in. don’t go if u haven’t already. if u really have to know what he needs to say he can do it over the phone, u have to think of your safety first. but in all honesty I think its best you don’t go hun. xxx

[magicunicorn]

well i am defo not going to stop working, i can only imagine what that would do to me. when i get asked to do things at work i get rather panicky cause my brain is thinking fast what is he doing, will he mind, i cant ask him to go out of his way to do something for me so how cant i do this in a way it don’t effect him. example: i left for work, got in car phone rang ( it was work) i put it on loud speaker and drove off to head to my usual (removed by moderator). they asked if i would go to a different (removed by moderator). so i rang him just to let him know where i was going to be. He had such ago at me it was unreal and in front of the children aswell, as they were with him. (Detail removed by moderator). i really wanted to say “that’s it i’m done” but because my girls were home with him i couldn’t say it. the conversation ended up in him accusing me of cheating and me saying sorry i wont do it again. i was so upset and cried all the way to work. i was angry, shocked and really hurting. i really wish my girls was with me that day cause i wouldn’t of returned home. i am just getting tired now. i find i to am resenting him, starting to have no sympathy for him. if he is ill i honestly don’t care, i think that’s only a small fraction of what u deserve, its hard to be caring towards someone that treats you the way we are treated. its shocking to me that they actually think you would want to be caring towards them a. 🙁 xxxx

[magicunicorn]

my instincts tells me I deserve a lot better and I should not be with this man! i need to not feel sorry for him and i hate that i do as its him that has done/does wrong. no, i am perfect but i would never treat a human being how i have or any of us have been treated. im far to gentle. i wish a big claw would pick me n my kids up and just remove us but i know i have to be our claw. im also rather worried about being on my own, i moved to a place with no family around me and it can be difficult at times. I cant go back by them as that’s the first place he would go and i don’t want to get them involved. He always tells me that he took me away from a shit life with them that everything he does is for me. 🙁 this is not what i want for me or my daughters. i do believe now kip that i cant help this man in anyway now, i have tried, i have done everything he has asked and more and i still get left to feel like i cant show emotion, i cant cry answer back. always just have to take it but i am expected to fulfil his needs in the bedroom even when i don’t want to. realisation kicking in now, I NEED TO LEAVE! even if he is being nice. xxx

[magicunicorn]

wow, yes that’s exactly it kip. I could not have said that any better. I do this everyday. wish I could take the filter away. 🙁

[magicunicorn]

Hi ladies hope you are well I keep seeing this word, gas lighters what is meant by this? xxx

[magicunicorn]

you and me both hun. I would just like to think for myself and feel its ok for me to have friends, at the moment he tells me everyone is using me or im cheating on him with them. Its just silly now. I try to make things more interesting as I feel life me life is dwindling away and I haven’t experienced anything really. He just always says he don’t want to, says no to everything, I have tried I really have but I cant do anything more for this person and get absolutely nothing back. im trying not to go mad with xmas presents this year as its more stuff that will need moving or losing. My partner was working nights, he gave up nights to allow me to step up at work now the courses are here he wont have the girls and my family are to far away for me to get help with child care, I am so gutted and its the first time I have really enjoyed what I do at work and I was really looking forward to bettering myself. this is not the first time this has happened, I have quiet a number of jobs because of this man, I wont be doing it this time. I will get my chance again im sure 🙂 always think of your peaceful life hun, keep holding on to that as that’s what keeps me going. xxx

[magicunicorn]

The fact that they talk us into trying again is exactly why I don’t want to sit down and talk to him about it anymore, as I know it will be the same thing. He say he was wrong and I should do this and that, he cries and then we make out and then carry on for few months until it starts to slip back again. I do believe if something is meant to be it will just work and not have to force things to work. To be honest I am starting to feel like he is pushing me away on purpose now. He starting doing things that he promised he would not do but he is almost like rubbing it in my face. He told me over the weekend I’m boring! I just laughed when he said it cause i thought “he cant talk”. when he eventually comes home he sits in the same spot every night on his phone, no conversation with me. when i try to talk to him its short answer. i try to get him involved in what me and the kids are doing, i even asked him to come xmas shopping today and the reply i get is ” i am not interested “. I feel we are at to different ends of a very long stick now and its just waiting to snap. I took a picture of him playing on his phone and sent it him, he was not to concerned and asked “why i do that”. i tried to show him that you have a nice family here to spend time with and you choose to do that. he say its his phone he do what he wants. so yes i give now. He accuses me of cheating alot and i am wondering now weather its because he is up to no good. sad thing is does not make feel sad or upset in anyway, just wish he leave. If i miss a call from him on my phone he gets really funny with me, yesterday on my way home from my mums i rang him three times as he didn’t answer ( i always ring when i leave mums to say i on my way home, also to see if he wants me to stop by the garage first) he messaged me and put ” whats up” i rang him again, he answer and had ago at me for keep ringing him and hung up on me. When i got home i went in, he was home. Sitting there in his phone again. if i missed 3 calls on my phone from him i would have about 6 txt messages and 2 voice messages. 🙁 i am really fed up ladies but trying to not let that stick snap, i am holding on until after xmas. i have also come to terms with i may have to say goodbye to my house that i love. but it will be less hurt and stress to leave it behind then to come back. 🙁 thinking of you. stay strong 😀 XXXX

[magicunicorn]

great stuff, I don’t think a day has gone by I haven’t thought about it 🙂 I have got a friend at work to order one of her books but its “the why does he do that?” (I think) its going to her house for obvious reasons and then I can read it at work. I wish I could sit down and talk to my partner but I am so unsure of the out come I am not willing to take the chance. either way he would do his best to talk me round to trying yet again and I know I don’t want that. he just scares me into staying with him 🙁 I love our imaginary house, the idea of having our safe haven and people around you that understand you is lovely. watching those videos has really helped me, made me not feel guilty for feeling the way I feel, really opened my eyes. talk soon my lovely, stay strong and keep surviving xxxxx

[magicunicorn]

My partner says I get everything, my money goes on my children and in my house. i need clothes but i don’t get them cause i have to pay to keep house over our heads. have to wonder what planet he is from sometimes. i have been watching some videos made by Dr. Denise Glassmoyer on you tube. Like she has met my partner. if you can and its safe for you to do so i really suggest giving them a watch. really helpful. stay strong my imaginary house friends xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[magicunicorn]

aaaaaw I love the house in ours thoughts idea, it will keep me going 🙂 its nice ( but not nice) to be able to talk to others who actually understand how these men work. the thing I always ask myself though is Why??? I have not done anything wrong to this man, I do everything I can to please him but yet he still manages to treat me like crap. I always ask my self why and give myself head ache thinking about it. I also find it hard that he just carries on like nothing has happened or was said yet I feel absolutely shattered inside. how the hell can someone just switch it off like that. when I tried to explain how he makes me feel when he does what he does he told me, I make myself feel like that. its not him. I was just speechless after that. wish he just do the right thing and leave me & my girls in our home in peace, but there is no such hope. Simbcat keep intouch 🙂

[magicunicorn]

funny, I get blamed for everything to. twist things when I bring things up about him and ends up being about me. I have also worked out that he makes things up like could be someone that he thinks I have slept with in the past, he pushes & pushes to the point where he shuts the bedroom door, pins me against the wall and is threatening to hit me. so I have to say I did things I honestly didn’t do to not get hit! its degrading, I hate it. then I get called a bitch. he goes on like I am where I am today because of him, and its not. i pay for everything that keeps the roof over our heads. i just feel like he eats, sleeps & has sex here and that’s it, yuk! thought makes me sick :(. i do feel so embarrassed, i also know when i leave he tell his family that i cheated on him, not that he has done anything wrong as that’s what he has done in the past. they don’t see how he really is with me, they only know what he wants them to know. would be great if us in hear could meet and stay with each other in a safe house, our story sound very similar. i have not experienced much in my (detail removed by Moderator) yrs of life but a lot of hurt and i would just like to start living a little, see different places meet normal human beings also help my daughters see there is a whole big world out there waiting to been seen not just a sad depressing home with a family that do nothing together. If i had a nice safe place in the country side to go to i would go tomorrow. i am really getting to a forget it and go point. i know this man is not going to change, its been (detail removed by Moderator) nearly.stay strong ladies, thinking of you xxxx

[magicunicorn]

snap im just like that, always keep going and for what as nothing changes. I have had a good chat with my mum today. I didn’t tell her how things were as I didn’t want people saying “i told you so” she says she knew something wasn’t right from how I have been acting lately. wish she had said sooner. If I had little bit money behind me, I would leave tomorrow. I know i want to go now as i deserve a lot better and i don’t want my girls growing up thinking this is how people should treat each other. im going to get xmas out the way to let the girls enjoy it then i will go. that way i will have money to. between then and now im going to look for some where to stay so i knows its there. Im going to start again and this time i have my job so i will do my hardest to do my best for myself and daughters. i know i can do this and I WIIL. so can YOU. We need to know our worth and we are worth more then what we are getting. please help yourself and stay strong, if you need to talk, we can talk. i find talking to someone who don’t know you is easier. 🙂 xxxx

[magicunicorn]

hi I have been reading the above comments. I to want to leave but is a matter of when. its not the first time for me(leaving). I know I am a lot better off with out this man in my life but I do feel incredibly guilty. I do worry that he will be on the street or even if I actually want to go back into this house after its blown over as such. last time I went back to my house he carved in the kids window seal ” i will get you” he was going mad as you would expect, trying to find me telling me ” I can run but I cant hide”. its hard making the children start again and so unfair. not everyday is a bad but, the bad does out way the good and the damage is done. I lye there at night just wishing he wouldn’t return home. ever! I know he wont make it that easy for me. so its hard to leave my lovely home that I love to start again, yet again. im such an idiot for thinking things would different this time, but as someone mention that’s the being nice phase. wish there was a home in the country I could escape to. 🙁

[magicunicorn]

is it ok to just up and leave?

[magicunicorn]

thanks confused123, I feel like im waiting for a right time to leave but I don’t see there being one. its hard when the kids have things happening at school they want to do (detail removed by moderator) and things. I feel like If I keep going for a little longer soon the time will arise. then other times I just lye there and I think Really, what the hell am I doing! wish I had a place I could just go away to with the girls, everything they need and never have to worry about having to come back. Back to reality a xxx

[magicunicorn]

that’s great advice, thanks. exercise does make me feel loads better, now is a good time to start again. I can go for a jog. 🙂 I was thinking of joining a gym but im saving what little cash I can to use for when i NEED it so me and the girls will manage money wise. plenty of things i can do without joining the gym im sure. well here’s to a hopefully a happy week ladies 🙂

[magicunicorn]

I do feel like I don’t know how to put my self first, I don’t think I ever will until its all over. when I have tried to make myself look nicer ( made an effort) I don’t get noticed anymore then usual so I tend not to bother. when I go to work I look presentable as I work with the public so I feel its only right to do so. Its so strange reading other peoples comments and how you sit there and think ‘he does that to’ or ‘I do that to’. I always have less food so he can have more, even if he saves it for later at least its there. most days I don’t even have a dinner I just pick and cook for him and my girls. although the kids are easier to please then he is. the other day at work the deputy manager said to me ” are you ok, you really don’t seem your self, I haven’t seen you smile once today so I know something’s up?” I just burst into tears I don’t know what happened I just fell apart. he took me into the office and we had a chat, it really helped. all has been quiet at home and partner is being fine with me at the moment, but i just couldn’t hold it together. does anyone else find it hard putting on a brave face , day in and day out. i even have to do it at home with him as it just causes him to moan if im showing im miserable or hurting. Sometimes wonder if the real me is actually in there anymore. xxxx

[magicunicorn]

my partner has other children, when he has them I end up looking after them and sod off doing what ever, I don’t mind having them but they come to see him not me. trying to explain this to him makes him start and he makes out I have a problem with his kids and I honestly don’t. I find he will pay for some things for the kids but to look after is far to inconvenient for him. tired of telling him, kids don’t need your money they need your time. but as always he thinks he is right.. I don’t understand it either. x

[magicunicorn]

thankyou determine to be happy. 🙂 it is hard, i know how he is and i have to play things smart sometimes, like i have to say things in a certain way to get the reaction i want from him, i feel like that makes me as bad as him though. i feel like i am just trying to keep the peace and not do anything to upset him, so everyone else is happy but my self. i always feel like, how i feel doesn’t matter as long as everything is ok. i am really only myself when its just me and the girls or when i am work, i love my job as its the only time i mix with other people & they except me for me and don’t try to change me 🙂 my girls love it when its me and them as its more fun. sorry going on now. i really hope i get there sooner than later, im (detail removed by moderator) yrs old and have not really experienced much in life and would love to get out and see the world and meet different people. doesn’t even need to be out the country. thanks for the reply 🙂

[magicunicorn]

I do hate the fact I can see how brain washed I am now, although good that I can see. its been going on for like (detail removed by moderator) years nearly now. I hate the fact I always end up going back, I don’t even know why I do cause he only changes for a short period of time then its the same thing. its so embarrassing. especially when I go to work and I say I cant do this and that, its not cause I don’t want to just cause I know he wont approve of it, when I have gone out with a friend (many years ago) he does nothing but ring me and message me. when am i going to be back, im taking the piss. but when he goes out I don’t contact him at all as i know how he will argue with me when he gets back. we could be arguing about fish and chips and it will always end up that im cheating, i don’t even go anywhere. sorry to go on ladies. i know what i need to do but i do feel scared. hope one day i just wake up and say ” fck it, that’s it i am done”. sorry for swearing. xxx

[magicunicorn]

the kids have never saw him hit me, but I to grew up with this with my step dad and mum but never saw it. but always heard it. things are not bad everyday, that’s what makes it hard to do anything. i guess i am doing is making excuses. its so weird that i have just learnt to live with it and all i do now is survive. my kids are happy and i hate turning there lifes upside down, they always come first and no i really do not want them to go through life as i have. i always do my best to keep them from that kind of stuff. i think i will call the help line, im not sure they can tell me anything i don’t already know, im just scared. thanks x

[magicunicorn]

the kids have never saw him hit me, but I to grew up with this with my step dad and mum but never saw it. but always heard it. things are not bad everyday, that’s what makes it hard to do anything. i guess i am doing is making excuses. its so weird that i have just learnt to live with it and all i do now is survive. my kids are happy and i hate turning there lifes upside down, they always come first and no i really do not want them to go through life as i have. i always do my best to keep them from that kind of stuff. i think i will call the help line, im not sure they can tell me anything i don’t already know, im just scared. thanks sahara

[magicunicorn]

thanks for the reply, I know about these things but why do I find it difficult to just go do it. its like I’m waiting for there to be a problem to make it ok for me to do this him. I m not a bad person and wish I could just talk to him and ask him to leave but cause im unsure of the response I will get, I don’t do anything. I feel like doing these things are a lot easier said then done.

[magicunicorn]

im not sure if im using this right, I hope someone is out there and can reach out. x

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