Munchkin04

[Munchkin04]

Please give me some advice. He’s said we must get along before the house is sold. He’s acting so calm and I’m a ticking time bomb inside filled with so much frustration and hurt. I tried to ask him about why he did what he did why he couldn’t have shown an interest in my feelings and he tells me I’m angry and he can’t talk to me when I’m angry and that I’ve pushed him all week that’s why he’s exploded at me. It’s all so untrue and unfair and now he’s told me he has no feelings for me he doesn’t like me and he’s switched off from me and he won’t be losing his temper because of my provocation. I just want answers. How do I deal with him being oh so smarmy and clever now he’s abused me all week and has switched off. I am now spending Xmas day on my own. I’m so so low and sad and want to disappear. Why ;(£@&:/ why.

[Munchkin04]

Thank you so much. I just get so frustrated inside it’s a constant knot of not being able to make myself understood to him. Everything is twisted and denied. He denies saying things swears blind he didn’t. Do I make it up? No. He’s wanted to talk (detail removed by Moderator) and I’ve quietly asked him to respect the fact that I can’t at the moment. I’m too angry. Now he’s erupted saying I have rules I’m not well and delusional. He brings up my past so so often and tars me with it over and over. How can I live in the present when he constantly lives in the past and reminds me of my mistakes. He said it helps him understand what I was like in previous relationships. I see it as wanting to use it against me. Am I wrong? What’s done is done. He has a past I don’t bring up after he’s lied to me about things. I don’t mention it. I always feel like he’s trying to catch me out. I get so muddled talking to him he goes on and on and on then I can’t remember what he’s said or what I wanted to say. God it’s all such a head mess

[Munchkin04]

Thank you so much. It really helps. He’s currently not messaging me when I get to work as normal. We haven’t even argued really. Do I message him? Do I lower myself to his level? It’s horrid. He shouts goodbye from the door no kiss as usual. He’ll turn this around on me I know he will. X

[Munchkin04]

Thank you. I know the pattern. Just this time it’s lasting longer than normal. He’s deliberately not changing the toilet roll when it’s empty not filling the water filter. Silly things I feel to get a reaction from me. He ended the conversation a week ago and I have told myself to not converse. He’s gone into batchelor mode and I’m staying away. Maybe that’s wrong. I don’t know anymore. X

[Munchkin04]

It’s so good to talk on here. Stops me going mad. So he started going on about my ex and I told him he has characteristics like him. With that he stopped the conversation told me he can’t talk to me and went to bed. He has been coming home from work and going straight to bed. All because he’s been slighted. Now I’ll be the bad one. What do I do now. Just keep quiet? Try to talk? I hate it

[Munchkin04]

Oh I’ve been where you are so many times. My life is filled with anxiousness. I shake when he’s like it waiting for him to start. Just stay in your lane. Maybe just take yourself to bed. Keep calm and try not to aggravate. Talking about something that interests them has helped me before. Please try and stay strong. It’s hell I know. Sending hugs x

[Munchkin04]

I am so sorry you are going through this. He decided to talk tonight. Yet again it was a lot of finger pointing. Not actually understanding my reasoning or showing any empathy. Then when I say some home truths he talks over me and ends the conversation saying it’s going to turn into a row. Aaaarrrrgggggh! Now he’s gone to bed. He hates me talking over him, shutting him down yet I’m having him do it to me over and over. I asked him he he had felt the need to apologise for saying he wants shot of me. He said no as he said it in anger. I asked him if at any stage did he not think that I might like to hear him say he didn’t mean it. No was his reply. It’s a losing battle. It’s all about him always.I listen to his incessant voice going on and on then get told he gets bored listening to me repeating myself. My god it’s all so toxic.Then he tells me that we can go to work and look at the pretty things. (detail removed by moderator) What! I hate his games. It’s a head f#$¥.

[Munchkin04]

Thank you all so much. Currently going through a bad phase. I don’t even want to be around him and am sleeping in the spare room in turmoil while he carries on like nothings happened. I tried to talk about how I was feeling how I felt he had been unfair and he Denys things he’s said takes no responsibility for how he has been won’t ever see what he does. Yet I’m the one who was treated badly and told I cause problems because I pulled him on it. I refused to go out with him today as I can’t bear to be around him. I’ve since been told I don’t contribute enough and he’s trying so hard to wind me up with comments and little things he’s saying that are a dig at me. I’m so screwed up today yet again because of him.

[Munchkin04]

Thank you so much. Please have you done the freedom programme? How do I find out about it? X

[Munchkin04]

Thank you. Isn’t it weird how one day they act like nothing has happened. I’ve usually messaged by now. But I will stand my ground and act as normally as possible. They really are unwell. The damage it does is sickening. I do have strong days and don’t ever let him see me cry now. He doesn’t like that. He actually said to me once that I do t get upset like I used to. I can see what’s happening that’s why I think. Thank you xx

[Munchkin04]

Oh thank you. I’m dying inside. I find myself trying to make conversation with one word answers. I get a frustrated look. Soon he’ll tell me I seem off with him. It’s madness. I do t k ow how to be around him. I won’t message him. He knows what he’s doing. There’s no good morning no goodnight xx

[Munchkin04]

I know that but I try again and again. It’s like I just shouldn’t have any feelings. He can say and do as he pleases but take no accountability. After telling me he wants shot of me on (detail removed by Moderator) he acted like nothing had happened. No apology nothing to let me know he hasn’t meant it. He’s now playing loud music and singing. I’m so knotted up inside. He gets to me to the core. I don’t even know if I love him anymore. I hate this.

[Munchkin04]

Thank you so much for helping. I am so so grateful to you and your understanding of this mess. Thank you xx

[Munchkin04]

Yes I have the book and read it often. Tonight I acted normally when he got home. He acted normally too. While sitting in the garden he said he doesn’t have a problem with me vaping it’s just I do it all the time and there is always vape juice left all over the house. I had bought a disposable vape today and he said that won’t last a day and just picked and picked at me about it. I ignored it. He said he can’t say anything without me getting upset. I again ignored it. Now he’s walking around the house humming. I want to tell him how I feel. How I feel he could have had a conversation with me about this instead of the way he went about it. About how he picks looking for a reaction. I’m screaming inside. Crying inside. It’s the same pattern time after time. I’m trying so hard to stay in my lane. X

[Munchkin04]

Oh thank you so much. And yes I am sat here this morning worrying. He’s now consumed my thoughts all morning. Worrying how he’ll be later when he gets home. He hasn’t messaged as he does every morning to let me know he’s got to work safely. I would usually have sent him a message by now trying to appease telling my side. I haven’t. I’m in knots. If I had caused a problem while his daughter was here my god he would fly at me. I know what’s happening. But it will all be my fault. He told me I was acting like he’d caused a problem opening his mouth that I was slamming around acting differently which I know I wasn’t. I’m now worrying that I can’t enjoy a vape in my own home I don’t know how to act or be around him yet again. I was upset as it had all come on the back of a moan about the dog. Scrambling for things to find to cause upset. Why couldn’t he just have spoken to me about it?

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