PlainJane

[PlainJane]

Thanks all for you kind replies.
To be clear i havent got a desperate need to be with anyone else, as i said i hadnt thought about or wanted this with anyone else, the thought of that terrified me. It was talking to him that started it, i certainly never went looking for it from him or anyone. I guess i wasnt clear in what i have written, not always the best at explaining things.
Actually as i also tried to explain not very well, what has confused me is how i am so traumatised from what he did to the point i dont go near any men but then didnt feel scared of him when thats meant to be the cause of the trauma, eurrghh things are so jumbled.
And for the record i havent gone anywhere near him, its just been talk and i did halt it at the point that was being suggested.

[PlainJane]

Hi hun, mediation isnt and cannot be recommended in cases of domestic abuse, as the other lady said he will just use it as a way of further manipulation and control. He wants you to come to him or you to call him, hmmm all on his terms eh? Sounds like he is throwing his toys out of the pram because you have gone no contact and he feels the need to get that control back.
I would definitely maintain no contact and do it all through the csa, otherwise he will continue to use this as a tool everytime he feels the need to exert control over you xx

[PlainJane]

Will keep reading these replies, sorry for appearing weak, i really have tried to be strong for a very long time

[PlainJane]

Thanks so much for all of your replies and i really have been telling myself all of this too, but theres definitely a change in him, i was with him a long time but have also been apart from him for a long time, several years in fact.
I havent been able to move on with anyone since him, havent had these sorts of feelings for anyone else, actually the thought of going near anyone has terrified me.
I dont understand how i can be so traumatised from the abuse from him that i cant be near any men, i get so very scared but now im talking to him, i feel these things and dont feel scared at the thought of being with him, yet he was the one who caused the trauma

[PlainJane]

Thanks all for your replies. Yes i do have ptsd. And yes i am going to move, i need to be near my family, i know ‘he’ is there too but i think the pros outweigh the cons. Its been (detail removed by Moderator) years i’m sure he has moved on in that time, need to stop being so frightened of everything and everyone

[PlainJane]

Hi scared and welcome to the forum, sorry to hear about the continued abuse you are getting from him. If he is being charged with other serious stuff then is he on bail at the moment? If so then there will be bail conditions he has to adhere to, including no direct or indirect contact, so he is breaching bail and the police have grounds to bring him in. I would recommend you contact the womens aid 24 hour helpline on 0808 2000 247 and also rights of women or the national centre for domestic violence, they are great with all the legal stuff and can help with getting a non mol in place to keep you safe.
Here are the links to their websites…..

http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/get-advice/

Welcome to National Centre for Domestic Violence

I really hope they can help you, they are the best at what they do, good luck 🙂

[PlainJane]

Hi sorry he is being more abusive though conctact, do you have a solicitor? If not i would call the national centre for domestic violence http://www.ncdv.org.uk/ telephone number
Phone: 0800 970 2070
Option 1: Information about getting an injunction
Police and Agency Workers: Make a referral
Deaf and hard of hearing. NCDV offers a minicom service.
Dial: 0800 970 2070
the website also has useful information.

Another helpful organisation is rights of women, http://rightsofwomen.org.uk/
We can advise you on:
domestic violence and abuse
divorce, finances and property on relationship breakdown
cohabitation, finances and property on relationship breakdown
parental responsibility and arrangements for children
lesbian parenting
For women in England and Wales
Call 020 7251 6577
Tuesday 7pm – 9pm, Wednesday 7pm – 9pm, Thursday 7pm – 9pm, Friday 12pm – 2pm

Both organisations are fantastic with the legal stuff especially in dv cases, hope this helps 🙂

[Author]

Posts