ryusaki

[ryusaki]

I stood up to him today and told him but you’re right I don’t think it will help. We’re staying at my parents tonight as I’m too scared to be home tonight just in case he comes round.

That’s good that court supported you, I found them horrific. My concerns were ignored but I think I will collect evidence of bullish behaviour and see. I’m definitely not taking it anymore.

Thank you for replying x

[ryusaki]

Very abusive and he sounds terrifying! You need support and help.

[ryusaki]

Thank you. He did set it up when we were first together but then I removed it during the relationship and I couldn’t see him on the app. We’re separated now and I’ve just found it so did I not remove it properly or do you think he put it back on?

I could see him on the app last night which was weird I’ve not been able to do that since I had him on there but we’ve not been together for weeks

[ryusaki]

I’m really sorry this is happening. Have you reached out for help before? Refuge are good and can help you make a safe plan for leaving. I don’t think that he can keep the kids unless it’s proven you’re an unsafe parent which I highly doubt, he sounds like the unsafe parent.

Could you start logging the incidents? Or see your GP to talk about it? I think this counts as evidence for family court.

I’ve not put my ex on the birth certificate and he’s coming after our baby. It’s terrifying and I’m doubting myself everyday about what’s happening.

[ryusaki]

How is it going? Any updates?

[ryusaki]

Yes bet you were doubting yourself when he said I’ve paid for this and that. My ex made me feel like he paid for a lot like shopping “I’m getting this am I?” And I feel like no I’m sure I pay for most things?

Do you think finance has anything to do with the control or just generally being a tight person? My ex wanted a new car and when he was rejected for finance he wanted me to get it I said let’s see if you definitely can’t get it on your own and he had a mood with me can’t remember what he said but I felt like it was suggesting that we weren’t a family. I was heavily pregnant at the time so I took the loan out and he didn’t pay for it. I can’t even drive

[ryusaki]

What excuses did he give for not paying bills? Or did you just not dare ask?

[ryusaki]

That sounds so terrifying to keep a knife in the bedroom… but like you say I don’t think you want to realise what they’re actually doing. He would talk very aggressively about people who annoyed him like “he’s lucky that we’re in work…I’ll do him” “I’ll have my hood up he won’t even notice me” I used to laugh it off but when he threatened my parents I took it seriously because I just thought back to what he’s actually capable of. He can manoeuvre people with his whole body choke them with his feet legs arms anything.

I’ve been thinking that a lot of it was in my head like when tea was ready and he was in the shower I used to run up and tel him because I was scared of him coming down and it being cold and him being in a mood and I said this to him once about I didn’t want you to be annoyed if it was cold and he was all lovely like why would I be annoyed? Don’t be silly. Then I’d question myself and think no I’m sure he’d be annoyed. He would never outright say to me don’t wear makeup to work but I just thought it’s not worth him being suspicious I just won’t wear any. Once I was putting on makeup to go shopping and he said you don’t need it you look nice without it and I said no I want to and he said if you put on makeup I’m not going shopping with you I laughed it off and then when I was ready he said I told you if you put on makeup I’m not going out shopping with you

Finances was always a stress for me. He owed me a lot of money (Mostly bill money he didn’t pay)that he paid me as soon as we broke up. He always said I’ll give it you on maternity leave but I was so skint that I’d have to ask him to transfer me little bits while he would spend money on himself but I wouldn’t have been skint if he would have just paid me what he owed me every month like half of bills.

Sorry for a rant I’m just very confused at the moment we have a baby together and I want to get back with him but somethings telling me it’s not safe for our baby

[ryusaki]

Do you have good friends and family? I only left my ex because he threatened my parents and I wanted to protect them. The longer I’ve had away from him the more clear things are becoming I think the best thing is no contact and time and to remind yourself what he’s actually done. It probably feels normal to you or “not that bad” because that’s how I feel but when I told people they were horrified. It’s the self doubt that’s awful.

[ryusaki]

Even if it was in an educational way? Like he is a (removed by moderator) and was showing me the moves not doing them properly on me. I was pregnant though and sometimes heavily pregnant suppose that’s not normal

[ryusaki]

Thank you for your replies. I’m not with him anymore but I will have to have some contact because I’ve only just had a baby with him. I’m just struggling a lot with what happened and I miss him and I want to be back with him but I don’t think he behaves normally.

I did tell him that I didn’t like the accusations but he’d just say that he wasn’t accusing me of anything and he wasn’t mad when he clearly was moody. I wanted to keep him in a good mood all the time and even now we don’t live together it puts me on edge to displease him. When I was pregnant I would come home from work tidy the house quickly and get tea on because he’d be in a better mood if I did that I would never have felt comfortable to get straight in the bath or lie on the sofa. If I got a missed call my stomach would drop and I’d text him to explain why I didn’t answer because he’d text me and ask why I wasn’t answering and once I said it’s on silent he asked why. I took the find my iPhone off when he was really moody and mad once it said that I was (removed by moderator). When he knew that (removed by moderator) about the find my iPhone tracker he said he wouldn’t be near my family again because they’d judge him. My parents get annoyed at me now when I do exactly as he says since we’ve broken up but if I don’t I get really anxious. He never hit me or said he was gonna hit me. He threatened my parents when I stayed there for a night and asked him to visit our daughter there. I know he could beat people up he’s trained in martial arts and (removed by moderator)

[ryusaki]

Hi thank you for your reply he just asked me why are you looking at him but he does this accusatory tone and it’s not threatening but i don’t like it it makes my heart beat fast and I feel tense he can be very moody. I have to play dumb and pretend that I don’t know what he’s suggesting because once I asked if he was suggesting I had cheated when he said (removed by moderator) and he was like no why have you got something to tell me? Acted like that’s not what he was suggesting at all. He’s never hit me or said he’s gonna hit me I’m not sure why I comply

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