SeaView21

[SeaView21]

I have been in my relationship for years and years and have never told anyone anything until recently.

I think I hid everything because I didn’t want people to know. If they knew they wouldn’t understand why I was still here – why I wouldn’t just get up and leave but it’s not that easy, is it?

I have told a few people things that have been happening – and I believe that’s because mentally I’m getting ready to leave. I know my mind is still confused and most of the time I want to just forgive him – forgive and forget! But I also know that part of me wants to leave.

I think getting in touch with your local domestic abuse charity is a good idea – or talking to someone online.

[SeaView21]

It’s not just me and more importantly – I’m not going crazy!

I have also noticed – If I say not tonight and he’s drinking – he will pick and pick until he starts an argument. (Usually with himself because I’m over it – I have nothing to argue about anymore) I normally give up and walk away – which makes him even more annoyed.

[SeaView21]

I could have wrote this myself…
My partner does this all the time.. most of the time I try and keep the house clean enough but..

(detail removed by Moderator) my partner came in and went on a full on moaning spree – calling me all kinds of names – throwing things into the front garden because the house isn’t tidy.

I feel like they want us to be perfect – do everything but we’re tired too! Why don’t they get it?

Also.. and my main point here is having mental health problems is draining – sometimes you just can’t get out of bed. I use the last bit of energy I have doing things that have to be done. The housework is my last priority.

sending love! X

 

[SeaView21]

Firstly I’m on your side!!

We have so much in common – my partner paid off some of my debts and I have to forever feel great full! I’m constantly reminded how rubbish I am with money. I’m constantly reminded without him – id be screwed.

He has  also knocked my confidence – to the point I don’t feel good enough – I don’t deserve anything. That’s a lie – I do! You do! You deserve to be happy – you deserve to be free but most importantly you deserve to be confidently YOU.

I know now why he put in so much effort to knock me down – to keep me down and that’s because he doesn’t want me to leave. He doesn’t want to me to realise I’m better than this.

I have started saying positive affirmations in the mirror – It’s hard when you’ve been told your fat or ugly but do it.. You’ll start believing it! It’ll start giving you that power – that confidence to know you deserve more.

Also, every time you feel like you’re not strong – think back at everything you’ve already survived – think back at everything you’ve achieved. Your stronger than you think.

Sending love.

[SeaView21]

Hi, I am also new and have put out a post asking if it was domestic abuse.

Before I got any answers – I read it back as if it was someone else. I already knew the answer – You know the answer. We just hope we’re wrong – we’re not!

The only advice I can give is – don’t regret things you did or didn’t do in the past – focus on your future. You’re free and you can be happy! I know it’s easier to say than do – and it’s much easier giving advice than taking it. (I’m still in my relationship)

Also – Your already taking the steps to heal – writing on here and signing up for a program. Be proud of yourself.

 

[SeaView21]

I’ve only recently joined and it’s crazy how you can feel so alone in this but then you start to read other peoples posts and their stories – and we all go through similar things – similar thoughts and similar emotions.

I think I am in the position – ready to leave. I’ve said one more chance so many times but I never believed it. This time feels different – this time feels like I’m ready.

You’re right – you have to keep going – be strong – for you! You deserve to be happy and free. < I keep telling myself this! It’s easier to give advice than take it though isn’t it?!

[SeaView21]

That’s exactly it!

I feel like I’m done – I feel like even if he changed – even if he somehow become perfect that still wouldn’t be enough. It won’t change the past and it won’t erase everything he’s done. I won’t be able to forget – nor forgive -which means it will never work.

But then that leads on to the guilt feelings. He is trying – and I am just done. But then is he trying? Or is this just the start of the cycle again? This all just messes with your head doesn’t it?

Part of me – and this might sound crazy but part of me wishes he would just mess up now. Mess up while I’m in the headspace of this is enough. I have had enough. That would give me the final push to leave.

well done – well done for getting the strength and courage to leave. I’m proud of you – and you should be proud of yourself. Start life again – fresh start – do whatever you want to do. Be whoever you want to be 🙂

[SeaView21]

Wow – I’m new here and keep reading peoples posts thinking – that’s me or that’s him!

I am terrified in his car – the worst thing he does is when he’s speeding and overtakes a car. My heart stops. He knows how terrified he makes me feel. I feel like this is it – we’re going to die.

and like you – If I react I get moaned at. He’s in control and I’m a drama queen! I hate it.

[SeaView21]

Thank you.

I did tell him and he’s response was exactly what I thought – He told me to get an abortion – There wasn’t another option. He doesn’t want children.

I have an appointment booked for next week but feel it’s all rushed and I don’t know what I want to do yet. I have a week.. to think.

Thankyou

[SeaView21]

Thank you for responding – I thought I was going crazy!

It makes sense why our brain would block it out – it’s just frustrating when you’re trying to remember how things happened and you can’t.

I also prefer it when he’s not here (but then I feel guilty for thinking that way) I just need to let the guilt go..

[SeaView21]

Hey, did you walk out? Did you leave?

[SeaView21]

Thank you for responding.

I had a really bad day – massively started to over think and doubt everything that I had worked hard on to believe.

I know it’s not my fault. I know he puts things in my head – he pretends things didn’t happen that way – he makes me feel crazy but I’m not.

It’s just finding a way to leave now – which I can do.

[SeaView21]

Aww that made me smile – just reading that you’ve left! It takes us a while but I think we know we do deserve better – we just need to keep telling ourself until we believe it – and you believed it so well done!!

The demons. Why do they all have demons? I have demons. I have childhood trauma but I don’t take it out on other people.. I don’t hurt anyone.

AND the main one here – I’m actually working on my issues – my trauma – my demons. I’ve started counselling and doing mindfulness activities. That’s working on it – That’s wanting to change!

I also felt like you did. He’s being too nice and it just makes me feel weird. Part of me wants him to go back to being grumpy and miserable. The fake laughing and the ‘love bombing’. It’s all a bit too much but it’s working – because then the guilt hits. Why do we feel guilty? Why do we feel sorry for them?

Any podcasts you suggest?

[SeaView21]

Thank you for responding.

I am trying to focus on what I want but my mind just gets so confused. I have started writing everything down so when I read it – it starts making sense. It starts fitting together and I start to think – this isn’t normal – this isn’t right. I’m also trying to let go of the blame – the shame – the guilt because I do know – deep down – none of it’s my fault!

I am starting to put a plan in place – I have started putting money away (secretly). Although that makes me feel a little manipulative. It makes me feel he’s trying (although I’m not sure if he is) while I’m just planning to leave.

thanks again.

[SeaView21]

Thank you for responding.

I think you’re right – he does know that I’ll feel sorry for him and it does sound very familiar. (Each time I hope it’s the time he’ll change but it never is)

He has not sort help – He point blank refuses. He says he can stop drugs and cut down on alcohol himself. He says his past traumas he can work through by himself. He doesn’t need help. This just confirms he hasn’t changed, doesn’t it?

Yeah I am full of anxiety tonight! Im just thinking – I’ve given him another chance – when’s he going to blow it? I’m also trying not to push him – so I’m trying to be nice and listen to everything he has to say but I just don’t want to be in the same room as him. Maybe this is the time to leave – when I feel like this!

I have started keeping a journal – writing notes down on my phone. I know he goes through my phone but the notes are extra protected with a different pin. I don’t think he cares what I write though – it’s who I’m texting and what I’m texting them. (Literally no one – I have no life)

Thanks again.

 

 

[SeaView21]

You’re right – we all deserve happiness – and to feel safe at all times.

We’ll get there – I have faith! Sending strength your way as well!!

[SeaView21]

It’s rubbish isn’t it!

That’s where the guilt comes from – because you see them being so nice and you start to question everything bad you thought.

BUT it is bad – otherwise we wouldn’t be on here.

I also feel like there’s an expiry date on his ‘kindness’ – or just normal behaviour.. and I think that’s because he wants to suck me in again.

See I know all this, and I said above I’m great at giving out advice – but taking my own advice is a whole different story!

[SeaView21]

Thank you for responding.

I am going to say that it doesn’t feel like rape – I can say no. It’s not forced – it’s just the guilt in me that lets it happen. (Why the guilt? I have no idea)

I have ‘woken up’ a little and realised that everything isn’t right – so my next steps are planning to leave.

Thanks again.

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