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    • #98681
      self love

      Hi Gran

      It’s hard to give up because we want so much for them to just behave and be happy again.
      The love we felt for them is hard to let go of.
      Or we are scared of what the future holds for us alone.
      The thing is only we can do it, I’ve watched my mum trying hard with men taking them back time and time again.
      Nothing changes, just a little bit at first but they soon return to how they are.
      I’ve done exactly the same, even went back after (detail removed by moderator) and it was so stressful!
      Just don’t beat yourself up, don’t look at it as forever.
      If you’re not ready to cope with that yet.
      Break it up, what can you do for now towards a better future for you and your son?
      Do woman’s hostels, safe houses, take on your son?
      Will the police be there to help get your things?
      What money are you entitled to?
      Work through things so you’ve got a clearer picture.
      You and Your son deserves so much more, love yourselves more then this man.
      It’s not our job to save men who make us and our children have scars for life.
      Yes it all takes time, but once you’re out, you’ve a chance of a life of happiness again.
      The floaty feeling of love from a person who cares about you.
      But first care for you, love the person you are. I will survive is a great song, sing it in your head. You can do this!!
      We are behind you. People care you’re worth it. I believe you could just get up one night and take your son just like many women have done. People will help you people do care.
      Take that step for you and your son.
      He needs to find his own support, which he is capable of.
      Best of luck! I know one thing you’ll wonder why you didn’t do it sooner.
      Don’t do what I did and end up in a massive breakdown, unable to read, do my house, take care for myself, leave whilst you’re still able x
      Or your mind could take over like mine did and just escape into years of sleep. You’re already taking steps being here x so well done, I’m proud of you, you’ll survive!!you’re as strong as others who struggled to leave a man,don’t beat yourselves up. Realise his not your responsibility, your son and you are!! Big hugs, by the way peace is bliss and you’re aiming to go there x

    • #97621
      self love

      Hi Cecile

      You know you’re already doing so well on your own. His not helping you much anyway, he pays the rent but you’d get help with that, except extra bedrooms. But you might be entitled to someone to come in to help.
      Or employ someone even if just to do an odd job.
      Plenty of people are volunteering to help others too.
      Don’t feel alone feel empowered. You choose your life and how it goes don’t let him steal your time. I think transport is available to get people out too for certain people
      Lots to recall but start building a positive picture in your head because many in your situation can and do manage very nicely once the abuser has left.
      They wish they left so much earlier.
      Good luck on your new path a nice beginning for you!!2020 here you go happier times! X

    • #97618
      self love

      Hi Cecile

      He is playing on your worst fears, his doing this to ensure you feel unable to let him go.
      There is help, have you spoken to citizens advice?
      Why would you lose ha house? Is it due to bedroom tax?
      They can help with this sometimes, I’m sure the counselling can asses your needs and help too.
      Though so many changes so anything anyone suggest check out.
      The point is he is going to disable you mentally, it’s mental cruelty and you need to love yourself enough to put yourself first.
      My mum in her 70s and just got a boyfriend moved in with her.
      Don’t put up with him, set goals, don’t tell him them.
      Gives you some control over your life. X

    • #97616
      self love

      Hi my son jumped off a cliff, no one should jump off a cliff.
      Leaving those behind in so much pain.
      I hope you seek help if you feel suicidal.
      My son regrets it (spiritualist churchiest been that low but I’m glad I’ve hung on.
      Take care all x

    • #97610
      self love

      Hi Blue20

      These men leave us confused, doubting ourselves.
      It’s him not a nice person to be with have children around.
      Leave now before you become too ill to.
      Work out a plan get advice, citizens advice are free, they can help you.
      Please love yourself more then him.
      I know your worth so much more then this.
      A good relationship where he boosts your confidence not knocks it.
      It’s hard but you can, don’t tell him you’re leaving until advice is sought.
      You might have to get a nice home for the kitten, because to get back at you he could kick it etc
      Get another when you’ve got yourself sorted you need to protect your mind and the kitten for now.
      Please don’t listen to his controller tactics, meant to keep you low and stuck. Hold your head high, build up a list of things you’d like to achieve. Things that’ll make you happy.

    • #97609
      self love

      Hi Falling sky’s

      I’m glad you’re holding that head up, be proud of your uniqueness.
      Don’t measure yourself up against others.
      nobody’s perfect.
      I know it’s been scary and things may well trigger off memories.
      But spread the smiles around you, for smiling is contagious.
      Just sitting on a park bench talking to somebody. Gets you out with the sun on your face vitamin d needed. Lots of people need human contact. Mobile phones away and lets spend time making someone feel heard. (Saying this on my mobile!
      Anyway good luck a new beginning for you.

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