Startingtogo

[Startingtogo]

Our abusers don’t take responsibility for what they’ve done and what they do. I totally understand how you feel, yup it was great to know that I was back in the house and my abuser is on a Restraining Order and can not come within a few miles of me, but I still have to be the person who looks after sick pets, does all the house admin and the garden and if I don’t nobody does it. While I hear of them playing the victim and pretending to be homeless.

Sometimes we just need to face up to it, being out the other side isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. BUT it is a million, million times better than what we went thru. The best thing I did was to find all the empty whiskey bottles hidden around the house and took them to the recycling centre to smash them, just something to say, no more, I don’t need to deal with your s***.

So what if the laundry not done, tomorrow’s another day. The world will not stop if you take time out, even 5 minutes, for yourself, you deserve it my lovely.

[Startingtogo]

OMG this just sums up my Christmas Eve. It doesn’t matter that I know I’m in much better place now without my abuser being my life and I have every order under the sun to keep me safe and protected, I have spent fer too much of today worrying about how they are feeling, are they safe and not sleeping on the streets.

I’m worth a lot more than worrying about someone who knowingly hurt me so much and I have all the strength, courage and bravery to be me. Tomorrow I’ll wake up and do video calls with my wonderful family who are overseas and we’ll open our presents online,I could never do that before as my abuser was so jealous, so rather than losing something I’ve gained something beyond measure.

Whatever happens be brave, courageous and dare to embrace the chance to move on. Happy Christmas everyone, it’s only one day out of 365 and the remaining 364 have a lot more to offer.

Lots of love
M xxxx

[Startingtogo]

Please, please don’t feel pathetic, you’ve made it this far to this forum which is real sign of strength. Like you I’m sworn at and told I’m worthless constantly but have found solace in finally telling my friends and family what’s been going on for years instead of doing the normal response of ‘I’m fine’. The temptation to look back to the glimmers of the good bits is so strong sometimes but it’s not worth it (just had one of those moments this week and it took my very lovely sister to remind me of the s*** bit’s that override it all). The being hooked thing is so true, its like catnip, the promise of something better and nicer from my OH used to be such a hook for me but its all a front. None of this is your fault and I know you’ll find your way through it all.

[Startingtogo]

Hi there. It’s been a hard but hopefull weekend. I’ve made a really positive step and called the employee counselling and support service my company provides. It was really good to just be able to speak to a lovely counsellor about things and start to think of what I want to do next and what support I need. It’s going to be a long haul and it doesn’t make the silence any easier but it’s feels like a step forward. All of kind supportive comments are just so lovely, thank you.

[Startingtogo]

Thank you all for your wise and comforting words and support. It was just lovely not to feel alone. I’m now trying to do the things that I enjoy (poor dogs are getting their paws walked off them) and find ways to be kind to myself. It’s going to take a while but the more I realise I’m thinking of future opportunities not looking back it feels good. I’ve taken the advice of not reasoning with my partner and needing to justify myself. There’s a great phrase I like ‘stewing in your own juices’ and that helps me make my partner’s behaviour and vileness theirs not mine. Baby steps, one day at a time.

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