TakingMeBack

[TakingMeBack]

He is just being manipulative, don’t let any of his words get into your head. He’s living in the home whilst you and your baby are living at your parents even though he has threatened them before. Yet he still has the audacity to call you selfish. Luckily I don’t have a child with my ex, I sympathise so much with every post I read. He kept messaging me for months after we split and I never blocked him, he then got drunk and created in he’s head I done something and started hating me, it was horrible at first, but it’s the best thing that ever happened to me. I’ve now changed my number etc so he can never contact me and it’s allowed me to start healing. It really is a rollercoaster so some days I still feel crap. There are some days though where I just lie in bed doing nothing listening to nothing and appreciating how calm everything is, I never had calmness for all those years. Sorry for rambling, my point is maybe no contact will help you too. Is there someone else that can arrange visits for your son? I really think it would help you see clearly without him manipulating the story.

Stay strong, it’s hard to leave but worth it for a life without them. Your doing great and it will get easier!xx

[TakingMeBack]

Needed to hear this right now! amazing and so true:)xx

[TakingMeBack]

Your not weak, infact your very strong to come on here and speak about it rather than just straight away trying to pursue things with him. Your on here for a reason, because he was abusive. This is just a small set back if you get back with him you’ll be even further back. Sadly he’s propbablly just trying to feed his ego in knowing you will still talk to him and are an option after he said all those things.

[TakingMeBack]

Your not a mug. The only mug is the bully who thinks it is ok to make a person feel so low. I have been there, regardless of how he makes you feel you are not alone. I’m finding quotes just now really helpful and empowering.
‘When it comes to abuse, you believe there is no way out. There is always help. There is always a way out.!’
At first it feels horrendous, we have been manipulated to be so dependant on our abusers. But eventually we start to get stronger, that makes them weaker. Everything can seem so overwhelming. My ex is a violent unpredictable unhinged maniac to be kind and I was always terrified of him. I was in over 20k of debt that we both spent. Had a flat he wouldn’t move out of yet it was solely in my name. I was also programmed to feel empty and lost without him. All of this made it feel impossible to leave. But everything here is temporary, not 1 year temporary it might even take me 10 years to pay the debt off. It’s so hard at first to leave but it never gets any better. Has he ever truly changed when you’ve went back?
‘An apology without change is just manipulation’
Whether you have the strength to leave in a day or 5 year, this will get better. Think how you felt before you knew him? You’ll eventually get that back. The sooner you get rid of him, the sooner it will happen.

[TakingMeBack]

This is a really cool way of looking at it, Thank you Fudgecake xx

[TakingMeBack]

Your right, thanks for the reply it really has gave some realisation. I think I’ll do the same and maybe just get a councillor who understands DA. This reply has helped a lot, gave me much more clarity.

Thank You xx

[TakingMeBack]

Nice to hear I know I’m not the only one. Yea that’s one thing I think we definately all gain, knowledge to always listen to our gut instinct! It really can be quite hard to deal with, when trying to listen to songs or watch a movie etc its hard to relate. I guess some innocence just dies once your away and can see clearly, thinking back to the things that man done and said whilst acting like he loved me so much, now seeing it was all just manipulation and he tried to destroy me, kind of just makes something die inside. I think moving away is a good idea, nice fresh start. Hope you enjoy it!xx

[TakingMeBack]

Your so right, thank you. I knew I shouldn’t but know that way when you need someone to talk you out of it. I sometimes forget that these people don’t actually have feelings it’s all just control with them. Trying to hurt his feelings is impossible I will just get myself roped back in. Why can’t I block him though? even though I don’t reply I still like to see him messaging. So weird, wish he didn’t rule so much of my head but if i block him I’ll just sit wondering if he’s messaged me and I can’t make myself stop

[TakingMeBack]

Really happy to hear you got your confidence back and believed in yourself again! I think hope and optimism is a real help at this beginning stage, it can all be quite confusing so I’m really glad to hear your story and that you are getting back to yourself again and knowing your value and not just what these men make us feel is out value! Good luck x

[TakingMeBack]

Thank you that makes me feel really good. It feels very exhilarating but also very strange as if it’s not true. I feel to good at the moment for it to be true, it’s strange. I’m really loving the fact that I’m able to do anything I want at any time without arguments name calling or grief. very strange feeling and confusing finally learning to think for myself again. Thanks again for your kind words!

[TakingMeBack]

At least you still managed to tell someone no matter how far away they were. It feels really weird admitting to what you’ve been trying your best to hide for years. Glad your out and far away from him. Good luck

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