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Hi Icandothis

I was in the same boat, still am I suppose to an extent. We have a child together and I was involved with him for years before. Always clinging on to his words, what he told me he wanted for the future. I’ve been in that same vicious circle a number of times even though I now know more about how these kind of people work. Why wouldn’t you want to believe them, why wouldn’t you want your family together making plans for the rest of your life’s. Reality is they know what to tell you to keep you hooked, it’s all words no actions. It’s manipulation of the highest level. I’m again attempting to break free of him, trying to go low contact, trying not to make excuses for his behaviour, trying not to imagine he could actually be the person he tells me he wants to be, trying to set boundaries, trying to stand up to him and accept that can never work. Some days are easier than others. The one thing I think is survivors all need to do is be kinder to ourselves, none of this was our fault. We are good people with big hearts who wanted to see the best in someone.

Take care

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Hi healingbutterflybabe

Don’t be too hard on yourself. You are trying to navigate through such a difficult situation. There is no handbook or rules. Keep strong and be kind to yourself. You are a survivor xx

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Hi groovyleopard

I understand exactly how you feel. My ex has been texting telling me how much he loves me and misses me and that he is lost without me. I have been ignoring the majority of his texts and calls but then I saw him for literally a second over weekend and I found myself texting him telling him I missed him and still loved him although I have accepted that we cannot be together. It’s very difficult at times although you know your doing the right thing you gave that little glimmer of hope they may have miraculously changed. It’s a constant battle with yourself. Keep strong. Don’t be too hard on yourself and good luck xx

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It will get better and easier. There is no quick fix. Keep telling yourself that you are better of without him and you are on your healing journey. It’s not easy and you will have bad days and be tempted to go back but be the strong woman you are.

Take care

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Calling me a rat or attacking my weight or appearance x

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Hi

I totally understand you going along with what he says and not standing up to him. I used to do the same and actually sometimes still do. You don’t want the kick off, the drama so you just go along with it and surpress your own feelings. It’s fear and also their manipulation. You will get there. I deal with a therapist and she points me in the direction of support groups etc and helps me make plans of how to deal with situations as like you I have a child with my abusive ex so still have contact because of our daughter.

These people are bullies and one day you will be able to stand up to him. Keep going x

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Hi StartingOverAgain

Thank you for reply.

It is so difficult. I am trying to set boundaries but I am also too soft at times just to try and keep some peace.

I have suggested recently we have a drop off/pick up point so we don’t have to be at each other’s houses but he just ignored me.

This weekend he has been absolutely fine but it’s been (detail removed by moderator) and we have both had time with her separately with no problems. I know come next week it will be a different story.

Take care

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Hi privatelady

Thanks for your reply.

I do keep records of everything and all text messages. At the moment I haven’t done anything legally we agreed his access arrangements between ourselves but he made it difficult and he hasn’t 100% stuck to it. How have you found it? Have you now got a legal agreement?

Take care

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Hi KIP

Thanks for the reply.

I am the resident parent but we don’t have a legal access arrangement. We agreed his access arrangements but that was difficult and he hasn’t 100% stuck to it. I do keep a record of all incidents and his behaviours and I have all text messages saved.

Take care

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Hi N-Survivor

Thanks for your reply. I don’t like to put on anyone to be the third party. He lives with one of his parents but they don’t want to be involved between me and him. I am trying to limit contact though.

Take care

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Hi Bananaboat

Thank you for your reply. Luckily my little girl is too young to understand but I dread the day she will understand.

Take care

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Hi whyohwhy

I agree no one really understands unless they have been through it. I have never been able to make a complete break from him. We have been on and off and I always end up getting sucked back in but I don’t want too this time. Yes they have been good times and it’s not all bad and you want them to be the best version of themselves but really they are cold, calculating, manipulative individuals and you don’t want to believe they can be that person.

Take care everyone x

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Hi desperatelyunhappy

You need to get some advice as to where you stand regarding the housing situation and what you can do. Try the women’s aid live chat they will be able to point you in the right direction. Good luck x

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