Wheelgoround

[Wheelgoround]

Hi everyone,
I am wondering if they ever stop. I have been more than (detail removed by Moderator) out and since I left he has been using the legal system to harass me and our baby by requesting full custody and calling the police during the previous months to report that out baby is bring mistreated. For the past months I have been living in hell, trying to figure out how am I ever going to get out of this mess, how me and my child can ever live an abuse free life but I am honestly finding it hard to see the light.
After I left the relationship his abuse escalated and although he was not physical the mind games, lies and manipulation were everyday reality for me. For almost (detail removed by Moderator) I had been living with an abuser but when our baby came along I just couldn’t handle all of this torture anymore and left him.
My question though is this: the abuse I have been suffering since I left is much more intense and it makes me worry if he is ever leaving me and our child alone? He seems so angry and is so unpredictable that I cannot believe how can I possibly continue my life with a minimum sense of serenity?
I know it takes time for the situation to get better but I can’t help but wonder whether things would be a little easier if I had stayed with him (although he is unbearable). I am sorry if I sound weak but he keeps threatening to take our child by full custody (luckily he did not succeed in it). But the very thought of it makes me sick and I wonder how am I going to proceed from now on? It all seems too much…
Thank you for your time
Love and hugs

[Wheelgoround]

Hi,
I am out a year now and it has felt horrible at times because he has been harassing me with the legal system and threatening to take away our baby for full custody. Luckily this never happened but still it felt like hell for months until the final court order gave me custody. Please try to keep calm and take baby steps, all of this is too much, the years of abuse, the memories, the control, the coercion..
Take good care of yourself and go easy on you. As a friend told me it gets really bad until it gets better..

Many hugs and ❤️

[Wheelgoround]

Hi everyone,
I want to share with you an emotional experience that you might associate with because it is causing me a lot of stress and confusion. It’s been a year that we’ve separated and we have a toddler that I actually take care completely on my own since he is very busy harassing me with the legal system and terrorising me with shared custody.
Despite the fact that some days I feel really grounded and satisfied with my decision and have a sense of hope some other days, like the past week, I am in a state where I doubt myself and wondering if all these bullying and rage and fear were only in my mind and that maybe I am at fault too.
Recently I read an article about how the lack of boundaries and low self esteem can lead to manipulation and abuse and I kind of felt disappointed and unsatisfied with myself that I stayed with such a bad person for so many years. It is as if I feel responsible not for his abuse but for my tolerance and ignorance that has led me to have a child with him that will have to face the consequences of his father’s behaviour.
On top of that I feel my heart bouncing every night which keeps me awake and the next day my exhaustion is unbearable because I am breastfeeding and haven’t slept since long ago.
My question is, do you relate to these mixed feelings? Is this part of the process if trauma bonding and why do I still feel guilty and responsible for ruining his life as he said?
The emotional state I am going through reminds me of the days when I was with him and in denial of the dynamics of abuse. But is it normal to feel the same without being with him anymore? When does this self doubt stops popping up?
Love you all, take care and stay safe

[Wheelgoround]

Oh, and none of this is your fault, it is their fault, their abuse, we are survivors and have to heal from the effects of trauma bonds..
Stay safe and strong
Xxxx

[Wheelgoround]

Hi Shazza,
His emotional abuse will escalate and his tactics will become more severe so that you return to him and that is his only concern to keep you entrapped and under his control. He is using your weaknesses against you, manipulating you into thinking that you are unloved and a burden to everyone except to him? Well is he so kind hearted to embrace you while no one else wants to? It is all a drama he creates to get what he wants and what he wants is control over you and your life. He is manipulating you into feeling bad about yourself, braking down your self esteem and gaslighting you into thinking that you do not deserve any better. This is so typical abuse tactics and I would suggest that you document or keep a journal that will help you understand better what he is doing which is actually messing with your mind and feelings.
Please do not allow him to do that, trust yourself, take baby steps, ground yourself and please do not take his words as truths. They are such big lies created to hurt you, please believe in your own truth, you are lovable you are a sensitive and wonderful person, you are not weak, you can go through this.
I am sending you lots of hugs
💕

[Wheelgoround]

Hi Mellow, I am really sorry you are going through all this emotional turmoil, he is clearly messing with your head, speaking to women in another language so that you have no idea what they’re talking about and at the same time being disrespectful to you about the what a woman is supposed ti do in the house. It is evident that his abuse has escalated and that is causing you a lot of suffering. I would suggest that you keep a diary with all his crazy making behaviour because this is clearly gaslighting and creates the fog (fear, obligation and guilt) that is making you second guess yourself all the time. Document all that he is doing and read it through whenever you find doubting yourself. All his behaviour is abusive and is designed to control you, it is deliberate.
Please do keep posting here,

I am sending you hugs and love
Xxxx

[Wheelgoround]

Hi,
My personal experience is that they never go no matter how hard you try to explain them how bad they treat you they just refuse and deny everything in the end.
Love bombing is activated so you can lower your defences and the cycle begins all over again. Sooner or later hurtful and disrespectful behaviour comes along and the feelings of loneliness and desperation return.
From your post I understand that you really wish things were different, that he will stick to his promise but please do not consider him reliable, they lie all the time and have a hidden agenda to impose their control on us at any cost.
Please stay safe and do not reveal your plans
Take care
Xxxx

[Wheelgoround]

The abuse cycle is messing with our feelings and creating a sense that it is not as bad as we think, because they suddenly appear nice and apologetic when they realise we might go. Please remember it is all part of their tactics they will change tactics for a while and then abuse will start all over. That’s how we get trapped. Staying at your relative will allow you to take a break and use this distance to think more clearly.

Take care
xxxxx

[Wheelgoround]

Ariadne thank you for the reply. It seems all of us share stories that are similar and I have red posts of yours that I can associate with.
It is as you said there is no self reflection on his part and he denies everything by saying that I lie and that it is me who is self centered and left him for no reason.
Since I left him, (detail removed by Moderator) months ago he is trying to keep my head down by reminding me all the time that he will take shared custody of our child. He took action already (detail removed by Moderator) saying that there is a risk of alienating him from his baby, although he sees him every day.
(detail removed by Moderator) whether our baby will stay overnight at his place too. So far I have not allowed that to happen because the baby is breastfeeding.
So my question is will he become even more violent and aggressive (detail removed by Moderator)? How are we going to be safe both me and the baby?
Any thoughts on that? I am afraid (detail removed by Moderator) he will become vengeful and I want to protect my baby and myself.
Thank you, take care

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