Abcd

[Abcd]

I’m sure there are organizations that can help u. U are not alone with it. What this so of. . Did to u and told u is awful. It’s great u got away phisicaly. It maybe seem like long way to freedom but u will get there. Just get in touch with some institution that know how to play it legally.

[Abcd]

I can so relate to that! That was and still is the most difficult part for me. I maybe understand that I was pushed and trapped into a corner. But I’ve expirenced such an ugly side of myself.. I can’t accept it. He pushed me to a level I become phisical. I would push him or kick him. Actually that was the stringest impulse to break up. It started that my beloved grandmother died (detail removed by Moderator). I had to travel from funeral over a night and straight to the office. I was exhausted and on edge.few day later I overslept to walk the dog he had day off. When I asked him to take care of the walking he just started screaming at me that I’m a lazy cow and worst. I snapped. I started kicking him with all my strength it’s like I got possessed. I so freaked out of what I became. That I turneed into a monster. I’m still scared. It’s been more then (detail removed by Moderator) but less then (detail removed by Moderator) and I have not got any relationship mostly because I’m scared of myself. I know it was protecting. But what if I’ll always be damaged 🙁

[Abcd]

Just let it go and let it flow. Its normal what u feel. Cry it out if u feel like it. With my first therapist after break up we were practising mindfulness it help a lot with duficult emotions.Don’t judge them just feel them and observe. Fact ur missing him doesn’t mean ur going back. It’s just ur mind healing. It’s important step. Healing takes time. U will be fine 😊

[Abcd]

That sounds awful I’m sorry for you 🙁 . Are there any institutions that could help u to get out and land on your feet? Start with getting phisical distance from him and his f amilly. U are not alone with it. Just look around. Don’t worry about divorce yet. That will come later. Step by step. Take care

[Abcd]

One more. Never say that u should have done it earlier. U ve done it when the time comes.it’s normal to care and forgibe the person u love. It’s healthy and beautiful. Saddly there is a lot of bad guys out there who would use that. But that’s never victims fault always the abuser. U will see it once u settle down. Good luck to u.kisses

[Abcd]

It’s hard. When I stepped out of the house the final night huge part of me wanted to run back apologise and sooth his pain. After all he had such a “good heart” he was just troubled… bla bla bla to be honest…. of course ur not staying with him for the bad stuff but for the good one. It’s hard to leave but u must be stron. People don’t change for somebody. Sad but true. Stop believing in potential just look at reality as it is now. He is as he is. And love should be based on respect. Maybe I’m being harsh. But that’s only to help. I wish u strength . U must take care of ur self and ur needs first

[Abcd]

Thanks I’ll check it up. I also would like to share the most pawed full ted talk I’ve ever watched. It has made me cry and open my eyes. I love the way she is explain the most dreadful question https://youtu.be/V1yW5IsnSjo we ask. If somebody have more of these things let’s share

[Abcd]

Thanks, I know there is plenty out there. But not all of them good I suppose. I was hoping for recommendation. Maybe somebody read something exceptional 🙂

[Abcd]

I think that’s amazing 🙂 we the survivors not only have our trauma but also incredible knowledge. We know the signs and the processes of falling into a trap. Well done ! Ive been thinking to get active myself recently. I think we should for other women who are suffering and for ourselves to heal . Good luck!

[Abcd]

Girls thank you for reply. I know I’m not allowed to put time there but I’ve been on my own for many years. And I have build my world strong and comfortable. I have healthy friendships, hobbies and carriere. I’ve been writing diaries seeing therapists. And I’m really pround of what I achieved. I know and I like to be on my own, it’s not that I need a guy. It’s not, but I would like it. I look at the couples I know and I see one can be happy in a relationship.
I’m just afraid that I’m for ever damaged in that sense. I don’t control this part of my life as much as I’d like to.
First of all I’m afraid I’m damaged, I don’t know if I’m borderline , some parts fit other don’t. Doeasnt metter the definition tho.
I was fighting back when I was with him I was vicious also phisicaly I’m afraid I’ll be like that again, I’m afraid a lot of things gonna pop out when I’m with somebody. I struggle to forgive myself that part.
I know my ex become a monster because of the child abuse he went thru. What if I’ll become monster myself?
I dream sometimes about him. Is usually same pattern. We are togheter things are good but I have this checking feeling that I am trapped.
And the things I’ve done since I got out make me shamefull. I do it less and less, only 4 times in 2016, but one is recent and make me sick when I think about it. I think and its because I’m so afraid to get trapped but at the same time I need closeness(including phisical) that the one night stands seem like a safe solution.
But I’m taking it easy on myselftoday. I more and more understand that I’m only human who went thru a lot. I can’t compare myself to people who never experienced trauma.
I’ve noticed a while back, that u cannot delete your past, cannot undo it. But u can accept and thame it. It also gives u incredible knowledge, I’m actually thinking to get involved with helping people. Looking for some support centres now.
And I’m trying to be live I’ll thame my demons too. I went too long way to give up now.

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