Alpaca

[Alpaca]

Sorry quick typing it should read as (Detail removed by Moderator).

[Alpaca]

Hello everyone,
It is so sad to hear this.
I have ASD (Asperger’s) and a very good memory.He must have a very bad one, because if I mention something he got furious about he accuses me of making it up, exaggerating or lying.
A power cut was my fault because I was obviously ‘messing around behind the tv again’.
I must have moved his things because they are missing.
He is just joking with me. Don’t take things seriously.
I’m a liar as he’s never called me (Detail removed by Moderator).
I’m too sensitive.
Since my diagnosis he’s added that I take things literally.
I raise my voice.
He’s not angry. He’s not shouting, but he will if I keep saying that.
No he doesn’t break my belongings.
It’s my imagination.

These are all the same lazy soundbites he pulls out of his bag of spite as he is unable to conduct himself like a nature human being.

[Alpaca]

Hello everyone.
Going through a quiet period at the moment, but his body language is falsely controlled. Fake smiles and all that. This means something’s brewing.
I didn’t think it was contrived, but I have seen his expression change once someone turns up. Like some of you have said, he seems to forget or deny stuff he has said. Calls me a liar and this gives him another topic to get angry about. His other routine is ‘you call that anger/shouting well I wasn’t before but now you’re making me angry/shout now.’
His ex wife used to say people don’t know what he’s like.

[Alpaca]

You go girl.
I know what you mean. I will never get involved with another man again. The bad ones hide in plain sight and I don’t trust my judgement. Best to be on my own and live my life as I want to. I plan one day to go to New York. And I haven’t been away on holiday for 19 years. I begged to go to Rome. I might as well have been asking for Jupiter. And saying that one of his favourite expressions is ‘what do yer want? A medal!’
Well done for having the strength to pick yourself up. If men admire you, so be it. They can’t afford you. xx

[Alpaca]

Sometimes I wish that a bunch of us women could get together and buy a big old house and live in it together in peace. I would do that in a heartbeat. Somewhere we could have peace and have the space to heal.
What a wonderful dream.
Have you thought of having your little dog fostered for a while and you could visit? Just until you’re in a better position. xx

[Alpaca]

I remember asking mine to buy me a mop and bucket. He ranted at me to buy my own f***ing mop and bucket. It’s the symbolism of being bought something that counts. I feel for you, my love. xx

[Alpaca]

Thank you. Everyone has been so kind and supportive.
I have chronic and acute nerve pain in my right leg. I’m sure that’s down to extreme stress. I’m so tired with coping with his anger and not looking forward to nice things. I’d rather live with my mentally ill and alcoholic widowed elderly father than this. At least I can live a sort of half life and see my friends. And I would have more money.
I will contact Women’s Aid as you have all said. Thank you. Best wishes to you all. xx

[Alpaca]

Thank you so much for your kindness. You have both made me understand that it’s not in my head. He says that I exaggerate and that he doesn’t call me names. I just lie apparently. The other day he got angry because the potatoes I put on for his meal were taking too long to soften. He was blaming me. Ages ago he said that I would be a nightmare when I reach the menopause. Now I am peri-menopausal and I’m afraid he will get even more angry about that. I feel shame about this time of my life. I took lots of my prescribed painkillers last weekend and drifted in and out of sleep. He just ignored me and ate some food and put the television on loudly. He does this weird whispering to himself too. xx

[Alpaca]

Thank you J. Thank you so much. I really appreciate your supportive words.
He calls me a c**** and a***hole. I’m also a f***ing whatever. He shouts at me to stop crying and that I’m not a child. In his eyes women are spoilt if they have men who look out for them. And I can’t have it both ways. He also tells me to extinguish my bra. He sulks too if I have in some way displeased him. I’m educated to degree level (he isn’t) and intelligent and I cook his meals and do stuff for him, but it’s not enough.

[Alpaca]

Happy birthday for the other day. x

I think this is natural. You are trauma bonded. As time moves on you will realise that you did the right thing. Imagine allowing him back in your life and then being back in that place you were before. He won’t change. This is your life and you can do so well without him in it. Hang in there. xx

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