Cedarlemon

[Cedarlemon]

Hi icandothis

Yes exactly the same , he said you will never find anyone else like me, I thought to myself thank goodness for that! He really had a sense of self importance and thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread – delusional and extremely narcissistic, I’m glad to be rid x

[Cedarlemon]

Hi Hazydayz

Your post isn’t a ramble, I have been there and to some extent still there… Abuse completely destroys you as you say your mental health and well being .The straw that broke the camels back for me was his continued accusations about what I was doing (or rather not doing) I just couldn’t take it anymore , it was complete bulls@@t , but his way of controlling me, and in fact he was doing what he accused me of! To add to this there are other aspects of life that have this effect and so it builds into a crescendo where you feel that you are trapped in a room with no way of getting out .. I found t talking therapies very good and you can self refer for them. I am still on meds as well. So again you are not rambling , I totally get it. There is help out there , it’s about getting the right help for you , and I wish you well with that.

Best wishes

Cedarlemon

[Cedarlemon]

Hi velvet ribbon

You have done the right thing of telling your manager you think you have ptsd , it is much better to have told them that than suffer in silence. I had to tell my manager about my situation at the time because I kept breaking down at work and couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. I am in a public facing job . Please don’t feel ashamed as sometimes you can’t keep work/life situations separate and tbh most workplaces have a ‘Duty of care’ to their employees. I really do hope you get the help you need. Best wishes x

[Cedarlemon]

Hi

I had exactly the same problem with my ex abuser. I wasn’t allowed to go anywhere unless he went as well . One time I actually defied (his words not mine) him and went to meet my friend just for a coffee, well you would think I had done something so dreadful. when I got home ,( I was out literally one hour )he went on alarmingly for the rest of the afternoon/night demanding I apologise and wanted to know the exact conversation and who else was in the coffee shop etc . You were definitely not unreasonable. In a normal relationship each partner should have their own interests and meet friends and, yes, of course go out as a couple with their set of friends from time to time. I remember once going to an (detail removed by Moderator) with him and not being allowed to leave his side, even when I went to the toilet he waited outside for me to come out . It was awful , he was like gorilla glue just welded to me. Take care X

[Cedarlemon]

Hi icandothis

I think you have answered your own question here. You can never wish an abuser ‘well’ as they will grasp at anything and think that you are interested again. Saying that I contacted mine while a restraining order was in place and it was the worst thing I’ve ever done. It caused terrible problems and I was right back to square one stuck in the cycle of abuse. I got some fantastic advice from some lovely ladies on here and I eventually sorted it out but it took along time. My advice to you would be leave well alone (I realise it’s hard) but reading your posts nothing good will come of it . you are doing so well , try and focus on yourself and your family , you will have moments like this but believe me you are so much better off without him. X

[Cedarlemon]

Hi hope you ok ,

Tbh I think I had to be like an investigator because I had to think ahead to think what he was planning all the time, very exhausting. I had to tell all my work colleagues to look out for him incase he came into my work which he had done before, I also had to tell my neighbours , it was very embarrassing tbh but these men are so unpredictable . Even now when I go shopping etc I get out of my car and have a good look about , I think that will take a long long time to stop doing this. A leopard doesn’t change its spots and I am sure that they are the same with every relationship they are in X

[Cedarlemon]

Hi
Yes this is definitely harrasment , no one needs to call anyone that many times and especially from different numbers . Obviously by calling you from different numbers he expected you to pick up . With my ex abuser at his worst it was 20-30 times a day and like your ex used to use different numbers which I had to keep blocking, it was a nightmare. I had a lot of advice from some ladies on this site at the time which proved invaluable. Hope you ok xx

[Cedarlemon]

Please don’t blame yourself for it , we’ve probably all done it at sometime or other. Yes these men are compulsive liars and will twist things for their own gain. Hope you can remain strong and no contact is the only way but easier said than done I know. You will get there it took me years to realise he was no good and would never change . Best wishes X

[Cedarlemon]

Hi icandothis

I so know where you’re coming from with this, as ts said this is creepy and harrassment. When my ex was at his worst I had cards sent through the post nearly every day and even an engagement ring , it made me go cold , it was constant. I had to go to the police in the end and give them all the cards and ring , it was really freaking me out. At the time I didn’t know whether to contact the police because I thought it would make it worse but I did and tbh they were very helpful but again as ts said it is a lottery. X

[Cedarlemon]

Hi
What a lovely inspiring post. You and your children deserve your new life after what you’ve been through.

Best wishes

Cedarlemon

[Cedarlemon]

Hi Lisa/ts

Thank you for this information. I hope this helps the women/children that have concealed phones. It actually makes me shudder as to me it’s a breach of many womens security. TS- I agree with you this sort of thing always affects the most vulnerable members of society. Thank you both once again .

Best wishes

Cedarlemon

[Cedarlemon]

Hi ts
I totally agree with you, this will cause havoc for a lot of women . Do you happen to know if the siren will still activate if a phones switched off? It probably hasn’t even entered the government’s heads concerning this issue,
Best wishes

Cedarlemon

[Cedarlemon]

Don’t blame yourself, we stayed because we loved them and held onto the good times thinking that they would get better but unfortunately it never does. He wouldn’t have told you about his (detail removed by Moderator) he wanted to show you he was loving and caring but it’s all an act and they can’t keep their supposedly nice side up because they are abusers . X

[Cedarlemon]

I also had warnings off one of his ex’s but carried on with him because I thought she was just bitter but I soon found out to my detriment that everything she said about him was true , I also wish I had listened in hindsight , it would have saved so much trouble.x

[Cedarlemon]

Yes it’s quite normal to think about things and go over them in your mind. It’s so draining isn’t it having to block but it is the only way. I think he’s the one that needed professional help , just shows how they twist and manipulate things doesn’t it 🙄 They never take the blame for anything they do just blame everyone else x

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