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Thank you. Despite all the support from SS the second they eased their restrictions he was at it again. Fine with the kids mostly but not me. Saying the whole experience had been horrendous for him and just a minor inconvenience for me and that the accusation my child made was as a result of my terrible parenting and him having to step in (I wasn’t even in when the incident took place) I spoke to women’s aid today and got some local contacts which I’ll ring on Monday. I have always written down things he has done in a diary -so glad I did as I can use that.

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Hi
Very similar here too. He lets me go out (isn’t he kind!) but tells me not to be late, don’t go here or there as they’re not good places so it looks though he is doing it because he cares about me. But I can’t relax as I know I’ll soon start getting messages – nice at first then increasingly aggressive then when I get in I’ll be shouted at and called names which the kids hear. I’d happily live in a small two up two down but worried about the kids as don’t want to risk messing them up especially as both are at crucial points in education.
The books recommended are great as I thought I was being over sensitive until I read them. I’m not there yet but am determined to stick to a plan to get out one day – you can too x

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Tried to talk to him (detail removed by moderator)  about his behaviour and he flipped it on me -(detail removed by moderator). The only type of intimacy he recognises is physical so all the other stuff I do for him doesn’t seem to count – if I’m not physically intimate I clearly don’t like him. He said I was just making up excuses (detail removed by moderator) (witnesses would disagree) and it was my fault (detail removed by moderator). Didn’t even get to talk about how I felt about all the things he said about me in front of people.

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I feel like you – fraud for being on here – he’s never hit me etc. Feel like I’ll be tearing my family apart and ruining my kids lives. Scared of asking to go out, spending most of the tiMe when I’m out wondering what mood he’ll be in when I get home. Fielding calls and texts from him when I’m out.

It’s so reassuring to read what other people say as I often think I’ve got it wrong as he can be lovely, tells me he loves me etc but as soon as something isn’t what suits him or isn’t about him it changes. I just question whether it’s worth upsetting my kids world for. Although o e of the things covid has taught me is that kids are resilient and adapt very well to change if they are well supported.

I think it’s about finding your time – when you are ready to go. I know I’m not yet BUT I also know I won’t stay forever. I just don’t see this relationship in my future anymore.

Someone on here recommend the Lundy Bancroft book when I joined and it’s fab! Made me realise my instincts were right! You must read it. I found it somewhere free online in a pdf.

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Thank you for this. I am genuinely touched that you have taken the time to reply and give such good advice. I will definitely go away and do some reading but also do some hard thinking xxx

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Thank you. I did start keeping a journal over the summer so it’s beginning to build up now. Today he has said he can’t remember last night and can’t remember having a go at me. Not sure if that’s true but even if it is it makes me cross he drinks to that state.

I do wonder sometimes if it would be healthier for the kids away but it’s hard when they don’t see the harm. Though the eldest is beginning to spot it.

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Oh my! This is exactly what my partner does. I can’t offer any advice I’m afraid as I’m struggling to find a way out too except to say you are not on your own.

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Thank you guys. He’s said he wants to talk about stuff tonight but I know how it will go. It’ll end up being my actions – me going out etc that’s to blame. He will want to put things right by ‘compromising’ but I’ve been here before. I’m not good at talking to him about it as it’s a blame game and I end up sounding pathetic. Any ideas on what I should do / say to approach him about his behaviour or what to say if he starts blaming me?

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IWMB, yes I think the reason I said I wasn’t going was partly because I couldn’t be bothered with an argument. One of the reason thing have been going better is because I haven’t ‘asked’ to go out.

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