Donkey

[Donkey]

When they say that you abused them. Every they did to you, you actually did to them? That I find drives me crazy more than anything else. He plays the victim. While I try to just put a brave face on for our (detail removed by moderator) month old daughter every day.

[Donkey]

Thankyou hunky dory xx

[Donkey]

I’m really pleased for you and hopeful for me too. I hope I can be as strong as you. I leave tommorow. With my baby.In the guise of visiting family I will not return. This forum and speaking to the helpline is helping me to see things clearly for the first time.

[Donkey]

Thankyou for your responses. I have successfully managed to get through 24 hours not being manipulated back in by him and it’s due to this forum and the helpline so Thankyou. One night to go of pretending everything is ok. I think his reaction will come when he realises im not coming back with his daughter. I’ve never been able to second guess him.

[Donkey]

Thankyou Kip. My abuser flips between telling me to go as he’d be better of without me then within a few hours begging me to stay and not leave him. Someone on this website refered to it all as the insanity dance and I can’t think of a more accurate terminology. I unfortunately couldn’t leave today as I had a psychiatrist and health visitor appointment and needed to get referrals from them so that they can pick up my care when I move. I have also spoken to women’s aid in the area I’m moving to. Done a check list with them. I still going in the guise of a 2 weeks family visit which should buy me time. He is the first person I’ve lied to in my life.i had to start doing this to protect myself. The things I’ve done to survive my relationship won’t sit well with me for years to come.

[Donkey]

To be free. I am experiencing the same. Lisa is right. It’s hard for us to see it in the fog. But you need to take control back but safely and with support around you. I have a baby with my abuser. I don’t know how far it will escalate when I’m gone but I have to do it for my sanity and my child just in case he does it to them.

[Donkey]

Yes it is. All the behaviours your describing I have experienced every time you try to stand up or point the abuse out you will receive this treatment. I have spent countless times trying to reason with my abuser and I’ve only ended up feeling more confused in the end.
You will analyse them to death and get nowhere.
You cannot reason with them.
They always have an answer or it’s your fault in my experience.

[Donkey]

Hi Diy Mum. I really appreciate your posts. His ex played down any issue to the children’s services even though I know that there was domestic abuse in their relationship. She phoned the police on him and he left. His eldest daughter is extremely sensitive to any disagreement between her parents and in our relationship. That’s why I reported him. At the time I thought it would be kept confidential but children’s services have disclosed that so I have been under a great deal more of abuse while pregnant and after having our baby. Is it possible that because his ex won’t speak up and because he is the master manipulator that he is that I am not being heard? I feel like I’m just this crazy woman who has just had a baby and it must be hormones and post partem anxiety? I know he is an abuser it’s just I’m being made to feel I’m being dismissed? Or is that the abuse?

[Donkey]

I’m new to this forum and I’m sure other more experienced ladies have some great advice but I just wanted to say a great deal of your experience is similar to mine and you aren’t too sensitive!! My abuser and his family have constantly said that I am too sensitive. No. He is an abuser. My abuser is also ‘lovely’ but that is the cycle of abuse. We wouldn’t stay if they were awful all the time. So I’m answer to your question. You aren’t too sensitive. You aren’t blaming him uneccassarily and you aren’t expecting too much. I have been accused of all three by my abuser.Im currently in the process of getting out with my baby. I hope you find the courage too xx

[Donkey]

Thankyou Lisa got your advice. I will do this. And Thankyou everyone for replying. It’s an amazing feeling to know I’m not alone and going crazy. My abuser and children’s services are making me question my sanity at the moment. Thankyou.

[Donkey]

Thankyou diy Mum. I will contact them. So far my experience of reporting an abuser is that the abuser especially if they are a father have as much rights as the woman who is being abused.
On repeated occasions they have contacted him with information discussed privately. He has used it against me every time.
I have started to ask them to email me so I can document how they are actually putting me in further danger.
I honestly feel like reporting them doesn’t actually help you.
It’s like nobody understands emotional abuse? A person from children’s services actually wrote that my abuser the baby’s father is surprised that there is such accusations and that he believed it was normal relationship problems?
It’s like they think if they tell him not to abuse, he will say ok, I’m sorry, I won’t do it again?
The babies father my abuser blames Me every time I stand up for myself.
I don’t know my place as a woman. I must be crazy.
How is a person like this ever going to stop abusing if they can’t see the abuse? Even children’s services don’t seem to understand how manipulative he is?

[Donkey]

Thankyou diy Mum. I’ve got Mr nice downstairs trying to pursuade me not to go to my family (detail removed by moderator) as he needs me here for his kids. This happens every time. This is my only way out. In the guise of staying with my family for (detail removed by moderator). Any advice on how to ignore mr nice? He only comes out when he wants something. I have to use names because it helps me identify his personalities. And then I feel bad because he’s the babies father.

[Donkey]

Thankyou diy Mum. I know my anxiety stems from him. You have to have the guts to call a spade a spade. I’ve been trying to do this but not had much joy from organisations but I have to be honest because it’s the only way it will end. If there is an end to this?

[Donkey]

Thankyou diy Mum. I message my friend every time there is abuse and they document it. I genuinely believe he is the master manipulator. He has manipulated everyone into thinking it’s me due to pregnancy loss and childbirth. It’s the hormones. It’s the grief. It’s the anxiety. Never him. I had been refered to a peri natal psychiatrist. Would you advise me to mention it to them?

[Donkey]

Thankyou kip I will do that. I never thought of any of this! I’ve lost 2 babies to this man and I now have a baby with this man. I have been abused through every pregnancy and loss and after childbirth. It’s almost like he thinks he has more rights now I have a baby and unfortunately children’s services have made me believe this too!

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