Efcharisto

[Efcharisto]

Thank you for your post. It is good to know that it’s ok to have a bit of time without a relationship. To be honest, I’ve been so deeply affected by everything I’ve been through, it’s good to remember that other women have gone through similar things and rebuilt their lives and begun to find happiness

[Efcharisto]

I feel very low with these things sometimes and don’t always know how to deal with it. In particular I find it hard when there are curve balls like getting offensive texts from someone I was trying to get to know as a friend, or comments that are made at work that are just small things that shake my confidence and bring all the fears and sadnesses back into the frame and keep me awake at night and make me cry. I suppose crying is part of processing what has gone on.

[Efcharisto]

Hello, I think I would need legal aid in terms of going through civil courts to reclaim some of the damages in terms of psychiatric injury and having to start again with buying possessions and things and I’ve no idea where to start with this. Does anyone know where I can apply? It won’t go through the criminal court, I don’t think.

[Efcharisto]

It is awful, I know. And I am glad that forums like this exist so thar we can express these things. You’re not alone in this even though it can seem that way. As for establishing good relationships with PTSD, I’m still learning and struggling with it, especially since I developed most of my local friendships with people who are also friends with or who have contact with my abusive family. That’s what abusive people want: to isolate you and make you more dependent on them. That gives them power. But you’re out of it now. And as far as I understand it, PTSD requires basic retraining of your memory. One of the good ways is distraction. Getting out. Even talking to people in a coffee shop about day-to-day things is a way of leaving the rubbish behind and pushing back. And working environments are good, like finding a project to do with someone where you’re actually working on something new. Learning something new like an evening class or something. It really helps. You’ve got to form new memories of new, kind people, and have fresh experiences to overwrite the trauma that’s still lingering. Hard to do, I know.

[Efcharisto]

Hello, have you ever come across grounding techniques that are recommended in overcoming trauma? They can include things like holding onto a piece of ice or drinking/smelling peppermint tea, looking round the room and identifying 5 things you can see and hear around you. And saying to yourself, ‘I am safe’. The other thing you can do is just breathe in and out and as you do that count to 4 on each in breath and the same on each out breath. I’ve found grounding techniques really helpful.

[Efcharisto]

I feel like I’ll never be able to recover a sense of fun. I feel very alone.

[Efcharisto]

Yes, I totally feel that way too. I grew up hearing plates smashing in the middle of the night and have had experiences of having the locks changed on a house I was sharing with a family member (his house). He waited for a time when I was just about to embark on a new chapter in my life in terms of work and study and then decided to take that moment to throw me out, overnight, spur of the moment, potentially planned but it was to remind me how much he is the one in control. With the power, the money, the physical presence, the loud voice, to crush me. I, too, was uncomfortable with the way he looked at me sometimes or made comments about my appearance that were inappropriate. He used to have women round to the house, the same age as me, who were his sexual partners and would, behind my back, complain when I had anyone round by way of a new relationship. He isolated me by doing this and allied himself with others in my family to make me think the problem all lay with me. He would tell me I should treat his house as my home and I was dependent on him insofar as I was not paying rent. Then one morning he told me he was changing the locks because I didn’t want to stay for a meeting with him, when I had a prior commitment. He brought one of his friends round (a female whom I had got to know as a friend) to coerce me into staying for this strange meeting which I did not want to do, and couldn’t do, because I’m busy and have things I need to attend. He took away my dog the day before he announced he was changing the locks. I feel as if I’ve been treated like an animal, as disposable, as worthless and at the precise moment when things are going well for me, he turns it all around with a click of his fingers and wanted to see me put down a peg or two, or ten… He’s extremely rich and I am facing financial hardship. It isn’t fair.

[Efcharisto]

I really struggle with this too. It’s incredibly hard to learn to establish healthy boundaries after a period of time of being subjected to such a lot of harm from controlling, unkind behaviour, and I really relate to what you say about the PTSD. It’s horrible and makes it hard to imagine ever being able to have trusting, good friendships. Sometimes I feel like it’s so far out of reach it may never be available to me. I feel extremely vulnerable at the moment and have a sense of panic that I basically disguise by wearing makeup and hoping people don’t notice me sweating too much.

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