Freshwaterlilly

[Freshwaterlilly]

Hi
Yes me too I have waited months for the CPS to charge my husband for stalking and harassment he’s made my life a misery I’ve had to take antidepressants and
sleeping tablets I have panic attacks
The officer in my case phoned me today and just told me the cps are unlikely to charge as they feel that there is not enough to charge Iam sick to my stomach of what he will now do
The police have let me down the CPS have let me down the system let’s us down
no one has asked me how this has affected me absolutely nothing from the police Iam just left to pick up the pieces of my shattered life
The system has continually let me down like it does so many of us

[Freshwaterlilly]

Hi
Has anyone on here got legal aid with a doctors letter
If so how did you fill it in?
I have a template but not really understanding it
Iam not happy as it’s saying domestic violence not abuse
I had one incident of physical abuse but 99% of it is or was as I’ve now left
Was mental abuse
Any advice out there please

[Freshwaterlilly]

That could be me writing your post,they know what they are doing and enjoying
every minute, don’t respond whatever you do and I know how excruciating
hard that can be,I have to live in the same flat while all this is going on
it’s worse now than before, he’s deliberately turned the freezer off 3 times
now, ruining all the food now I only buy daily
He’s using the car park space even though he has a pass to park somewhere else
I now have to park my car at my friends and walk home
he turns the hot water off so I’ve not got enough to have a bath and have to wait hours to get my bath
he’s pretty pathetic but that’s my life it gets me down and affects me
but I’ve made my decision no matter what he does or what I must endure from him it’s so worth it to be free of this torturous life
You are strong and you will make your way through this

[Freshwaterlilly]

Your doing well,small steps I know exactly how it is
But you know what you have done it!
If I had any alternative but to share my home with him I would be gone in
a heartbeat,we live separate lives he has a lock on the living room
door and I have a lock on the bedroom door,this has been like this for (detail removed by moderator) I’ve tried so hard to deal with this I can’t go anywhere else until I can start divorce he’s hold the marriage certificate I loath he’s still
controlling my life but there is no going back no matter what
Don’t be tempted stay strong you have opened a new door go through Iam
right behind you!

[Freshwaterlilly]

I don’t feel at all brave I feel stranded,the police won’t get involved
there is no financial help I am already lending money to fund my solicitor
And he’s still in the driving seat I’ve achieved nothing he’s still controlling me
he’s still laughing at me and he’s going to do his best to destroy me
I feel that it’s all shutting down on me and there is nowhere to go

[Freshwaterlilly]

Thanks again
that’s exactly what my solicitor is going to do, he has 14 days to either petition himself or give me a copy if he does neither my solicitor will apply for a cost order against him
As she pointed out the courts will clearly see he’s obstructing the divorce
and will issue costs in my favour
Most people would just give the certificate up
not him he’s not most people he’s a soulless individual who just exists

[Freshwaterlilly]

Thankyou so much for getting back to me,I have done everything you have said accounts frozen
Absolutely no chance of getting an appointment with CAB waiting lists are overwhelming, can’t get legal aid due to properties we have
Marriage certificate we married abroad so it’s much more of a problem
I’ve set up online banking and have my own account now
I’ve done everything I can do
I’ve instructed my solicitor she has written to him telling him if he doesn’t give the marriage certificate we will go for costs to retrieve it
This makes no difference to him
he doesn’t care about the money or the law
and I have no doubt he will not cooperate
The marriage is over so why is he holding on to the certificate
One word control
I’ve have done everything I can and he’s still laughing at me and the law
allows it
I have literally come to the end of my rope

[Freshwaterlilly]

That’s exactly how I feel but I must congratulate you in keep moving forward as that’s all we have and hopefully you will be free of him
It sounds very much our stories are very much the Same,I don’t know exactly what the police would act on?
When you are being told it’s his flat he can leave the door ajar what can you say to that, he putting me in danger by his actions and they can’t do anything
It truly is a joke that act alone is bullying controlling and coercive
If someone got in my flat and hurt me or even worse how would the police act
I doubt they would do anything
The law regardless of this new act,is a million miles away for us
No obvious injury’s no action
Shame they cannot see the extent of Injury to the mind😢

[Freshwaterlilly]

Iam lucky I have no children with him to worry about, Iam retired and the last thing I wanted my time of life was to get a divorce,I just can’t take anymore from him
I feel sick at the thought of what he’s going to do to me,not physically but
mentally, I’ve instructed a solicitor now he has our marriage certificate and won’t give it to me
That’s the extent of the control he’s still doing it’s a living hell and has not got any easier since I finished it
He’s out to get me,Iam the one who has ended this and I know he will do his utmost to destroy me
I’ve been given the form E by my solicitor it’s overwhelming I have very little money and now I’ve got to pay someone to help me fill the form in
He cleared all our joint accounts out before I could act, it’s like he’s laughing at me and I feel close to the edge

[Freshwaterlilly]

Totally agree I can’t wait until his behaviour escalates and I become another
5 minutes news story
I’ve instructed a solicitor (detail removed by moderator) to start divorce process I’ve had to lend the money from my family
And I will probably lose my house and everything I’ve worked for
it a big price to pay do we really make this up?
We want to lose what we worked for it’s a farce
yes Iam going to lose my home yes Iam going to have very little money to live on
But I will have me back I lost me years ago I want her back

[Freshwaterlilly]

Iam sorry you find yourself in this place, it’s all about them having control on us
Iam am in almost the same position as you except I have to live with him until this has all been dealt with (detail removed by moderator) has passed since we broke up
I’ve not spoken a word to him
It’s his ultimate weapon silence and he has it in abundance
Every day is a struggle and every day another challenge (detail removed by moderator) I’ve instructed a solicitor I’ve lent the money from my family to start divorce process I can’t wait any longer to get though to rights for women it’s impossible I’ve tried every opening time for weeks
I want my life and space back this will never happen unless I take control back
It’s a fight every single day
let’s fight it together all of us
I wish you strength to get through this time

[Freshwaterlilly]

I posted yesterday about coercive behaviour and how we are let down by the law
Of course they know what they are doing,my situation I have to live in the same flat as him,he has a lock on his door and I have a lock on mine we have not spoken to each other for (detail removed by Moderator) months apart from emails from him telling me to get out,I’ve ignored them I have been to the police several time about his bizarre behaviour like sitting in his room with the curtains shut for hours doesn’t seem to bath anymore got drink in the room leaving the front door ajar going out leaving the flat unsafe for me to come home late thinking someone has got in
(detail removed by Moderator) I got up to find he had defrosted the freezer everything had to been thrown away this is the (detail removed by Moderator) time
What’s the point of going to the police
they will say it’s his home he can do what he wants
doesn’t matter the mental torture this does to me Iam having a truly bad day today and feel like I can’t continue like this
I must if I don’t he will win
There is absolutely no doubt these souless people know exactly what they are doing
We have the support of each other here they have nothing but there
sick minds

[Freshwaterlilly]

I’ve just been reading the above posts there has been a lot of coverage of this in the news lately and on the face of it looks promising
But it’s not,my own personal experience of this I walked into a police station (detail removed by moderator)after being locked out of my home by my husband we had been on holiday his obnoxious behaviour towards me and my family was the last straw he left me on my own and got a flight home I had no money my son booked me a flight,when I got back he had changed the locks and cleared out our joint bank account I had nothing
The police took a very detailed statement from me giving very clear examples of coercive control in fact they were quick to point this out
From how I don’t cut his cheese or make his tea properly weeks of the silent treatment to burning the house down and much more
They came to the property with me and it was immediately clear how rude and controlling he was even to the degree of telling the officers that they didn’t know there job this went on for over an hour
I got the new keys and they warned him of harassment
They then left
And that was the end of that except I had a phone call from victim support they told me they couldn’t help as he had not physically hurt me
I’ve had no help from the police since even though I’ve reported him twice more for this growing bizarre behaviour they still say they can’t help me
I feel I’ve been left high and dry and Iam sure there are thousands of us in this position
Why bother changing the law unless the police are will to act there is nothing we can do

[Freshwaterlilly]

Thats exactly what happens you question yourself you make excuses for their behaviour you slowly change and you learn it’s not worth saying anything I done that and he said you might not say anything but I know what your thinking you can’t win, I’ve walked on eggshells for years believing it my fault and Iam ungrateful and no one would want you anyway it’s totally soul destroying no matter how hard this situation is for me there is no going back
enough is enough and off course Iam being told that he will have everything and I will have nothing and you know what’s really scary he means it he has no boundaries no empathy and no conscience

[Freshwaterlilly]

Thanks for your replies it really helps knowing there are other people who understand this,he’s accused me of having affairs over the years stealing money conspiring against him even how I cut the cheese and make the tea it’s drip drip drip always how ungrateful I was how he’s given me everything and Iam so ungrateful and selfish the gaslighting the blame shifting classic did I listen to those warnings signs or red flags course not I believed like we all do it will get better of course it never did even with professional help though our doctor and a psychologist nothing if anything it escalated you can’t change the damage within it was there when I met him and it will still be there always
I just want out of this it’s torture

[Freshwaterlilly]

I have left this abusive relationship, sadly until the finances are sorted out we still share the same flat,he has locked himself in the living room and I have a lock on the bedroom that’s how it’s been for (detail removed by moderator) months he’s got the wedding certificate and will not give it to me we were married abroad and getting the certificate is proving slow and tedious
This is my position I’ve made an appointment with a solicitor as I can’t carry on this way he’s still controlling my life (detail removed by moderator)
he’s definitely done it twice I’ve reported him to the police they are not interested unless he hurts me
(detail removed by moderator)
He’s the worst type of abuser a covert narcissist who is amazing and lovely
in public but a monster in private
he has told the police I have hit him, he changed the locks on the door I had to get the police to let me in
his behaviour is bizarre he stays in that room for hours and hours in the dark I try to go out as much as I can
I hate this way of life and what he has done to me

[Freshwaterlilly]

Thankyou
Yes my doctor is well aware of my situation as is the police but like everyone else who has or is in this situation it’s so difficult to prove
I have kept many notes of what has happened over the years especially when I was believing this could be me
We have been to endless doctors tharpists and even a psychologist who he still sees to this day if anything has improved over the years it’s been temporary when someone is this damaged nothing works
All this and the police have said it’s so difficult to get a conviction for
this type of abuse as it’s unseen
Where do any of us go with this
I now see I was just a supply for him he never loved me he’s never loved anyone so now I have a very uncertain future and have very little support
Iam so glad I’ve found this place

[Freshwaterlilly]

Thankyou for replying
I will phone the number tomorrow,the situation is pretty bad
I’ve had the police involved when he changed the locks on our flat
they were very understanding and helpful to me they see quite clearly what
he was like he was very rude to them blaming me and that they would bound to take my side going to report them
he’s always knows better and has this self importance about him
I want him to leave,it’s the unknown that scares me the most especially the cost of legal advice
how can I prove what he’s doing to me I have no black eye or bruises
just mental scars
The police were nice but they knew they couldn’t charge him with anything
as where do you start proving what he’s done for years by the time you actually workout what’s been going on your mind is scrambled
I just want to talk to others who have been there or who are there and how do we get through all this

[Freshwaterlilly]

Hi everyone
I only joined on Friday I’ve been reading all your posts of what is
bullying manipulation and control to me it’s worse than physical violence
you can’t see it or prove it
only time sees the mask slip and eventually others see what you have been
struggling with making excuses for blaming yourself for
Maybe it is me? Self doubt walking on eggshells it’s all there and one day
the penny finally drops
Like mine has (Detail removed by Moderator)years marriage (Detail removed by Moderator) living together (Detail removed by Moderator)years of missed life opportunities gone all because I believed one day this narcissist would see
the light it’s not going to happen it’s never going to happen
Even though your desperately hold onto the hope that one day….
We broke up in (Detail removed by Moderator) and he’s doing everything he can to screw my life over
he’s still trying to control my life
I know there is far worse to come from him
financially I’ve got nothing and do not know where I will be living
But in all that whatever life throws me I know I’ve wasted enough time on
this creature if anyone can tell me anything I need to know or be prepared for?
I need your support and anyone else who has been in this position please give me a light at the end of this dark tunnel
I just followed on from this thread as I didn’t know what else to do

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