Happydaysagain

[Happydaysagain]

I don’t know any of the answers but just wanted to let your know that I understand how you feel because I’m in exactly the same position.

We somehow just need to stay strong

Xxx

[Happydaysagain]

Forgot to mention it was for the same reasons I made the application – he talked about having domestics with his ex partner but said she was crazy when in reality he was the perpetrator and what he’d done in his past was absolutely horrific.

[Happydaysagain]

Iv posted about Clares law before because it’s honestly the best thing I ever done. I feel like the disclosure saved both me and my children.

When I made my application I called 101 but it can be done online.

I wasn’t on the phone long and they didn’t ask much at all. The reasons I was making the application and his details. He will never know you’ve done it though.

From making the application they have 35 days to give you the information if they have anything to disclose. Mine was back a week later and it was a specialist safeguarding police officer who made the disclosure and provided support afterwards.

Hope this helps but if there’s anything you need to know just give me a shout.

Xxx

[Happydaysagain]

Thank you to you all for replying.

I hadn’t blocked his number because the problem is he lives so close by and thought if he had anything to contact me about it was better by phone than in person.

I spoke to my support worker this morning and she’s given the same advice though to block his number and if I see him when I’m out and he approaches me then to ring the police.

Lotus – your so right, they send a nice message and it makes you forget about everything they put you through. They are clever with what they do.
I still feel low but managed to take the kids out today and now that he can’t message me hopefully there’ll be no more set backs.

Xxx

[Happydaysagain]

It’s really hard isn’t it. Night times are the worst, the nights seem so long. How can we feel like this after everything they put us through?! xxx

[Happydaysagain]

Losingbattle – hope your alright xx

They always promise things will get better but believe me they never do, a leopard never changes his spots.

I understand about your daughters uniform. I was in a relationship with someone who begrudged my daughters having anything even though I always spent my own money on them. I think perhaps they are jealous of our children.

I know what you mean about the tidying up aswell, they can go to work and when they get home don’t want to have to lift a finger but our work in the house and with the kids never ends never mind doing everything for them aswell.

Abusers always blame the other person and even make you doubt yourself. Stay strong Xx

[Happydaysagain]

Thanks for the reply Eggshells & Hazydayz

I haven’t been too bad today, just trying to keep myself busy. Night times are the worst when the kids are in bed and I’m on my own. I start to think about all of the hurtful things he would say and wonder if he was right. I know I’m being ridiculous but it’s hard not to think about it.

I hope your both ok, I’m looking forward to posting more often and getting to know everyone xx

[Happydaysagain]

Iv recently made a Claire’s law application and had the disclosure back so hope I can help.

Have you had information on the wrong person?

[Happydaysagain]

@beautifulday

From my experience perpetrators of domestic abuse always blame the other person because they genuinely can’t see they are wrong.

Before doing the Claire’s law he told me that there had been a few domestics with his ex but what was disclosed was horrendous.

You can do the application online but I rang 101 and done it over the phone. A few days later I got a call from the safeguarding team who asked a few more questions to assess how much of a risk he posed so they could work out how much of a priority my application was. They have 35 days from when the application is made to make the disclosure but it only took a week and a half for them getting back to me.

Iv read that sometimes they can call you and ask you to go to your local police station if they have information to disclose but maybe because of COVID it was given to me by phone. The police officer I dealt with was helpful and understanding making sure it was a good time to talk every time she called obviously very experienced dealing with domestic abuse victims.

Honestly it’s the best thing Iv ever done. It opened my eyes and made me realise I never really knew the man I was living with and helped me make the decision to end the relationship. I can’t believe Iv had someone so violent around my children. I’m trying to move on with my life now but keep thinking you just never know who you can trust.

I hope you manage to get sorted, good luck and I’m here if you need anything x

[Happydaysagain]

Morning Lotus, hope your ok

Don’t ever doubt yourself. I felt the same this week when he was sending me lovely messages and appearing to be reasonable.

Like you said though you’ve had years of ‘games’ – abusers are clever and they know exactly what they’re doing and believe me they never change.

Stay strong and look after yourself x

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