Harriet123

[Harriet123]

Thank you! I hope I can too. I don’t want to spoil something nice with a genuinely nice guy just because of the issues I have had in the past!

[Harriet123]

Hey @lionessinthedark,

Thank you so much, it was probably one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever had to go through with. But I know it’s all for the best.

I really think face to face meetings would be so good for me, hopefully they can start again sometime soon as it really is so helpful hearing other people situations and to really help yourself believe that you are not crazy!

How is your situation with custody? Do you find that you get along for the sake of your son? I just worry about going to court etc. As he will then turn very bitter and I want to keep everything between us as good as possible for the sake of our daughter. Xx

A diary is also something I want to start, it’s something I’ve seen lots of people suggest, but just also something I find quite scary for some reason…

[Harriet123]

Hi Kip, sorry for the late reply. Do you know how I make myself the legal resident parent? I know, I guess I’m trying to just keep him on side at the moment but I do know that when it comes to him finally accepting I’m gone for good that he will probably turn nasty again. X

[Harriet123]

Thanks a lot, I actually replied to him and said I did not want to meet and talk and if there was anything he wanted to discuss then we could do it through ‘(detail removed by Moderator)’ app. He didn’t like that and was rude and just tried to gaslight me and say things to try and hurt me.

It reminded me that I made the right decision and to always listen to my gut feeling.

Strangely, I still always hope that he will be a good person and change but he reminds me time and time again that he won’t.

[Harriet123]

Amazing, it’s one of the things I struggle with the most. Trying to prove and show people that he’s an awful dad but feeling like no one sees it just because my daughter doesn’t have a bruise on her body. He uses her as a tool to get to me, he doesn’t actually care properly about her feelings, she’s just another human that he can manipulate and it’s so difficult to see it happen to my own daughter especially as she’s so young.

[Harriet123]

They were really great and everyone was really friendly. It’s my worst nightmare speaking in front of new people but it made it easier remembering that we are all in the same boat. I left him (detailed removed by Moderator) years ago, but we have a child together meaning we have to co parent which has been extremely difficult as he’s continued to try and control me and be nasty to me. I’m in the process of legal action now but it’s so difficult. 🙁

[Harriet123]

Turns out I didn’t need to be as worried and anxious as I was. I’m now looking forward to my second one too!

[Harriet123]

I’ve recently started the gym, and my god it helps so much. I started with a friends so I go with her every time but I would like to get to the point where I feel comfortable to go alone, so I am working on that.

These are all affects from what he has done to me and because he’s still in my life causing me grief I find it difficult to get rid of the trigger because he is it.

I’m waiting for counselling, only a few more weeks now until I get my space so hopefully they will be able to help with coping mechanisms etc.

Thank you x

[Harriet123]

Hi Bee1,

It’s awful isn’t it?! They just need control and will use whatever they can to hurt us most!

My sister has recommended meditation as she doesn’t feel as though pills are the best way forward, personally neither do I but I just don’t know whether it’s worth a try.

Meditation I have tried but sometimes I find that it makes me more anxious when I try to be relaxed if that makes sense?
However, I am up for trying again so I will definitely have a look at Michael Sealey on YouTube to see how I get on with that.

Thanks for your help. Xx

[Harriet123]

Thank you Darcy.

I completely agree just sometimes find it so difficult because he if he messages me it just takes over my mood and motivation to do good things for myself and he just make me feel like such a bad person that I just get upset.

A vision board sounds like a great idea actually!

I just need to also find a hobby but got so nervous about going out and doing these things alone.

Xx

[Harriet123]

I’m not sure how well third party contact would work but it may be something I have to put in place once he finds out I’m taking things legal.

I spoke to victims support who have given me the contact number for my local womens aid as they may be able to offer me counselling before the nhs one becomes available.

I’m also now worried about how bad things are going to turn once he finds out I’m going legal and I still have doubts in my head that everything is my fault and the outsiders will blame me and not see him for his abusive ways. I didn’t document much to doctors, police etc. so I’m worried the evidence I do have won’t look like enough!

[Harriet123]

Thanks so much ❤️

[Harriet123]

Hi Camel,

That’s what I was thinking about today, is how to write it… but I guess you just have to write what comes to your mind straight away and not think about how it’s written.
It’s so positive and encouraging hearing how well it worked for you, It’s definitely something I’m going to try.

Thanks so much for your support. Xx

[Harriet123]

Hi Fizzylem,

I know I definitely need to feel the pain to be able to get over it but I just hate being upset I try and block it all out but when I do just let myself cry i cry for ages and ages and I hate it because I’m so fed up of being upset and crying. I just want to be happy now – I am much happier now that I’ve left but it’s just the days I have to myself that I find difficult as my daughter isn’t there to keep me distracted and going. I have my friends and family but I seem to be pulling myself back from spending time with them and just chill in my room by myself because i just prefer to be alone sometimes but not sure if it’s best for me.

I’ve always found it difficult to talk to people when I feel down, I just hate feeling like a burden and don’t want other people to feel sad or anything so find it easier to keep things to myself. Which is something I really hate about myself and also something I really going to make sure my daughter doesn’t do as it’s brought me so much pain just by not opening up to people.

I will definitely look into that book, thanks a lot for the suggestion.

Thanks a lot for your support. I know I really do need to open myself up and let myself process the pain properly to become a much happier person that I really want to be. It’s just such a scary process. But I know I’ll be able to do it, it will just take time. Xxx

[Harriet123]

Thank you so much, honestly that was such a nice reply to read it made me feel really easy for some reason.

The pain of the past always seems to come back when I’m alone and it’s why I’m struggling to deal with, I just don’t know how to handle it. My daughter was with her dad last night and I just spent a good hour or so crying to myself going over all of the nightmares from the past that I can’t seem to cope with. I’m really struggling with dealing with them. Even when I paint my nails or have a nice bath etc. It just doesn’t seem to help because straight afterwards whenever I’m alone, I just feel like such rubbish. I also have a massive fear of no one ever being able to love me again because I fear that I will be “too damaged” for anyone to love me again and I really just don’t want to be alone 🙁

I’ve never experienced a face to face meeting but I reckon it’s the sort of thing that would really help me through all of this as I just don’t think friends/family truly understand the damage it’s done to my head. Although they are all completely supportive of me I just find it difficult really going into depth about it all. Xxx

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