hurtnomore

[hurtnomore]

Hi Ayanna,

I am also scared to go to the police. a witness saw him being abusive and they come to check if i was ok. my number plate then flagged up 2 reported assaults on me. i have told them i do not want to say anything but they have told me they are going to keep the case open. I hate the fact i am going through all of this because of him and he is just walking around like nothing has happend. I am scared because he will go straight to prison as he is serving a (detail removed by moderator) suspended sentence for his last girlfriend. I just dont know what to do 🙁 its so tough! your post really just made me think x

[hurtnomore]

Hi Velvet,

I have also been here a few days too! it has really helped at my low points. I Hope it helps you too. I was also with a narcissist mental,physical abuse i decided to leave but i am also getting the i need help, ill change etc etc its all rubbish they will never change. Filing for a divorce is the first step so well done! you really do need to gt out and ignore the ” ill change” he never will. it is all part of their game. Although I have left i also feel like i am in a shell and isolated. It is hard when you leave but you will automatically feel a sense of relief. and you will get out!! theres only so long he can refuse to move out.. you could even file for a restraining order if that helps you. Im sorry you feel the way you do and i hope you get out safe and stay out! read through some of the topics and you will see how much support there is out there from people who know what you are going through. you will get through this! xxx

[hurtnomore]

Hi Lightning-Jet,

Yes! my ex was a severe binge drinker ( calls himself an alcoholic).. once he had a day/night of drinking he would wake up and drink for the next 3-4days. he could also not drink without taking cocaine.. my abuse was 100000 times worse and it was always blamed on the “alcohol” which is a sad excuse. or he would say he ” could not remember”. If i then tried to speak about it he would say well that was yesturday I am not drinking today so lets not be negative. so any abuse i receive ( a few hospital visits ) were all alcohols fault according to him so this justified his actions. As for getting worse on the weekend. YES! he would sometimes steal my car and go missing.. A few times i realised he actually went to another womans house. but yes this is a big reason I left. the last time i went back he drank all day/night woke up drinking and tried to kill me the next day by (detail removed by moderator) etc. He would go to AA meeting and go to the pub after! all part of his attention seeking and manipulation. sad really. Alcohol only contributes to the abuse but i do agree it can make it worse.. Does he want to give it up? if so then its a long journey to recovery my advise is to get out and get out now! they only get worse and the drinking will only become a bigger issue. I was also made to have sex even crying at times because he was so drunk he would not take no for an answer.. and of course it was my fault why he got so drunk in the first place! dont ever let him make you feel like itss you who is to blame. you are not. i hope you find the strength to leave! xx

[hurtnomore]

Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for the replys, really does mean alot! nice to know there are others out there who understand the pure hell. It defiantly does feel like im an addict! I keep gettin the urge to go back to stop the hurt and thats a real hard thing for me right now. I started a journal at the start of my abuse and I do think it wil help to start again so thank you for this! I have not looked into any groups I guess i feel slightly embarrassed to turn up to a class all confidence and self worth has gone so even waking up some days can be a struggle for me. Maybe this could be my first step to healing. Again thank you for all the suggestions I need to get out of this hole and alot of things you have said i have considered but never got round to doing! I am also pretty scared to report anything. somebody actually reported him for me a passer by in the street but i was too scared to tell the truth.. I hope everything is working out for you all and thank you all so much for the support. xx

[hurtnomore]

Hi Kip,

Thank you for the reply! Bu early days i mean early days of leaving :(. I know i need to do this ita just so hard to stay away! I think blocking him may be for the best its just a really big step for me getting rid of the communication xx

[hurtnomore]

Hi Deathangel,

Thanks for your reply, I agree sorry is just a word. and coming from an abuser its meaningless. I realised there is no empathy there whatsoever. My ” i will change ” lasted a day! I agree its easier for them to abuse rather than change. and you cant help those who do not want to be helped. I feel for you and i really hope you get out soon! you deserve more than the way he is treating you. I know its hard to feel like your worth something, I am struggling too but each day i feel myself becoming stronger. we can not let these vile men break us, afterall that is their game plan! to make you feel so weak and worthless so you start to believe you cant go elsewhere, thats when you put up with all the bullshit and believe all the lies. I chose not to go back and even though it is hard i am happy i made that decision. Dont know how you have put up with it so long! Hope you find your way out soon xx

[hurtnomore]

beenherebefore, thank you!! I hope you are too! you deserve it! 🙂 when willifindhappiness, I know what you mean and those are the feelings i cant seem to cope with the whole him moving on part while im here stuck with the heartache and lack of self confidence etc due to what he has done. in that sense of things i wish i did give the correct information to the police! that way i know he would also suffer ( sad i know ). I also got called spoilt bitch who moans and moans and he told evryone how great he was! argh how frustrating.. i remember the time he beat me up so bad , i was kicked (detail removed by moderator)  etc etc i was in hospital for CT scan and check up etc all of the waiting patients in A&E were telling me how vile the person was who did it to me and how i should go police etc – he was sitting next to me. he not only sat and listened.. he was agreeing with them (detail removed by moderator) !!!! disgusting. they actually believe their own lies. I also have low days and the thoughts of who they are with or what they may be doing can completely distract you from day to day life. I find myself wondering off whilst at work wondering what he is doing. I think love in general is a hard thing to let go of, but love with an abuser who has made you feel so low about yourself is even harder to let go of. I pray to god one day I can look back and say what the hell did i see in him and i hope one day ( if not already ) that you can too! Its just another unfortunate learning curve and at least now we know the signs of an abuser before its too late 🙁 xx

[hurtnomore]

Hello all thanks so much for the reply’s! After lots of thinking last night and with the help of all of your support I managed to get my head into a better frame of mind. In my heart of hearts I know he will never change and reading all of your comments made me realise it is part of the game. The last time I went back it took one day for him to physically and mentally abuse me, its always the same. A big issue with him was his drinking and drugs and in my last post i failed to mention that before i asked to collect my stuff he said how he has given up drinking he wants to change for us etc etc hes doing it for me.. well when i went to collect my stuff he asked to meet in a pub where he was drinking! so actually that alone is enough to show he will never change.. i guess their behaviour somehow makes you blind in many ways. He is doing a better relationship course due to him doing the same to his ex but for someone who has abused every woman he has been with for so many years i dont think a course that lasts a few months will do anything. he is very good at manipulating people to believe that he is a good person and he is treating his partner right, makes me feel sick. he would sit there when someone complimented me and say ” yeah shes lovely but very spoilt” when (detail removed by moderator) he just strangled me unconscious! argh so many stories but yes point blank he is a vile human being who has no empathy in him whatsoever and today for the first time my head is thinking you prove him wrong, you show him that your not that little girl he tells you. At the end of the day leaving is hard but staying will only be even worse at at least we all know there is light at the end of the leaving tunnel.. even if we dont see it now xx thank you all for your support! xx

[hurtnomore]

Hi beenherebefore, thank you for your reply! How hard is it!! I agree he needs to sort himself then come back but he will go and find someone else to fill the hole untill hes sorted.. he cant be alone. Me even saying that makes me think well if thats the case he is not worth it! Its just so easy to go back isnt it :(. The days when you are sad or your maybe bored or nobody to lean on for support those are the hardest moments. Im dealing with an abusive womaniser who knows how to deal with the ladies.. makes me feel sick that everyone believes his rubbish!! How do you deal with the sorry etc do you text back answer the phone? I have no idea what to do feel so lonely and isolated. Xxx

[Author]

Posts