Indiansummer

[Indiansummer]

Hi Starryeyed,

I think I know what you mean – I felt quite numb for the first couple of months after separation. I was just doing what was required to save myself and my children: sorting out a new home, bills, getting some furniture etc. And only after things got settled more or less, it all hit me.

I can’t say that I cried uncontrollably, but quite a few times I was getting upset out of the blue.

That’s when I started CBT treatment, and it’s helping me a lot with my anxiety.

It’s great that you’re going to the group sessions. Don’t feel that you have to feel in a certain way. Just accept your emotions and be kind to yourself.

Sending you love ❤️ xxx

[Indiansummer]

I’m so glad for you, Strengthfromabove,

You did the best thing for yourself and your babies. I hope everything will only get better for you from now on x

[Indiansummer]

I have heard this story before, but now discovered a whole new meaning to it! Thank you, Serenity and Iwillbeok xx

[Indiansummer]

Thank you, Sunshinerainflower!

I feel that while he in this delusional state there’s not much need for children to see him. Our kids are very young.
In addition, he is not paying maintenance, which also speaks a lot about the level of care he has for them..:( But in case I need to speak to him, I will try his brother or sister.

I told him to seek medical help. He was abusing strong painkillers so I believe his mental health has been seriously affected.

I don’t know what is going to happen next but it feels so much better not to be receiveing offensive messages.

[Indiansummer]

Hi SpiritandHope,

I am owed a substantial amount of money by my ex too. I can really relate to what other ladies said – he acted as if he was entitled to my money.

When he is in his ‘nice’ state, he always acknowledges the debt and promises to give it back. But only now, several months after separation, he started to get on track with the maintenance payments (we have children). So to be honest, I do not expect to get my money back, not any time soon at least. I’d be just glad to get the maintenance payments for now.

Overall, I can understand the trickiness of the situation when all you really want to do is go no contact but you feel that then you definitely won’t get anything back.

[Indiansummer]

Hi Beachbum,

You did the right thing by registering here. It is such a friendly and helpful forum.
I’m sorry you found yourself in an abusive relationship, but even realising it is already the first step in getting out.
X

[Indiansummer]

Thank you for your advice, ladies. Before we separated, I was the one saying to him that our relationship is one thing, but his relationship with the children is separate from it.. But I guess I was thinking we were in the ideal world. It’s only after the separation I fully realised what kind of person was beside me.

I’m praying for strength and wisdom and hoping to make the right choice for my children
X

[Indiansummer]

Hi SunshineRainFlower,

I can totally understand what you mean. I lately find myself talking the ‘nice’ him in my head and trying to explain to him why I’d left him..and saying that I wanted to spend my life with him and that I missed him..

But did this ‘nice’ one ever existed?
This constant conflict and cognitive dissonance in my brain puts me all over the place with my thoughts and moods sometimes.

But it is very reassuring to know that I’m not alone feeling this way x

[Indiansummer]

Hi,

Sounds like me too.
Constantly asking myself if children will understand me when they grow up. Deciding whether to apply for divorce now or wait for some time and gather more strength. I haven’t stopped the contact with my ex which probably doesn’t help..

Anyway, I do believe we all be okay eventually. One day at a time
X

[Indiansummer]

Hi Tiffany, thank you for your reply.

He used to be a great father , which is why I’d love to think that he can overcome his addictions and get back to some sort of normality in his life ..

I’m just anxious not to fall into a vicious cycle of abuse again and let him control my life in any way.

[Indiansummer]

Hi Serenity and Wheredoibegin,

Thank you for your support and advice.

It’s not an easy choice to make especially while the kids are to young to speak up for themselves.

Unfortunately, there’s no -one I could ask to be present instead of me during the contact. Plus, I don’t let my ex into my house due to him stealing from me in the past.

I have called our local contact centre before to get more information , so might look into this option further

X

[Indiansummer]

I think I did the same 🙈 The reply button is somewhat confusing xx

[Indiansummer]

Hi Likevue,

Thank you, I have found the article and started reading it.

I still find it hard to process a lot of things. My ex still acts like it’s me who is in the wrong and that I broke our marriage vows by leaving him.

I also feel that he constantly twists the events, which leaves me so confused and struggling to make sense of all of it.

Likewise, he claims he doesn’t remember certain things he did and said..

I hope it’ll get easier soon.
X

[Indiansummer]

Thank you, KIP

I feel like even though I don’t live with my husband any more, it’s still going to be a slow process putting clear boundaries in place and protecting myself from him.

He now started saying he’s prepared to do all sorts of counselling and therapy to get me back. He asks me to come to his doctor with him .. it’s just one big madness, which I feel trapped in because we have children together and I would hope he gets better for their sake.

[Indiansummer]

Hi,

I am actually thinking of getting an injunction of some sort. Do you know by any chance if a non-molestation injunction includes a restriction from coming to my house?
Thank you x

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