J@jmum

[J@jmum]

Yerrr id suggest not going directly to her and divulging what happened.
You can’t guarantee she will believe you or take your side so may then tell him all about what you’ve said and he prob quickly realise it was you. You don’t know what he is capable of.
Don’t put yourself in harms way.
But I know your conscience and good nature wants to help the wife, if there’s ways to drip her info, anonymously email links to her or something, but in a way that won’t be obvious to him that is was you.
Or leave a gap of time between your encounter with him and you sending her info. So he doesn’t instantly think of you as the culprit.
Be careful hunny.

[J@jmum]

It’s an opportunity to clear up ur whole life, reassess all the people in ur life. Those you speak off can go! You’re wiser now and a new person, so get new wiser friends. Fresh start all round.
Remove anything negative that grabs you down, you don’t need nor have to have that in your life.

[J@jmum]

Affect on kids for me. Then experiencing levels of abuse. They’re my weakness (way to control me) but also the thing that’s pushed me to ultimately get out when their safety was at stake

[J@jmum]

I took mine back after a 6 month break, endured (detail removed by moderator) further years can u believe, been out for good for (detail removed by moderator) mnths now.

Everyone’s different and who are we as strangers to say either way…
but bare in mind- when they lost control and grasp of u, they will do Mr Nice real good to get their feet back under the table. Once settled it unravels again.

[J@jmum]

I believe his next angle is to involve the new girlfriend and have her do all handovers- so yet another option he will (detail removed by moderator)
She already started texting me trying warm up to this!

[J@jmum]

I’m unsure how I want to play the recording situation.  (court detail removed by moderator)
They needs to be seen for what they really are

[J@jmum]

Also if your lender would let u take the mortgage independently then it may not be that u need to sell, but change ownership etc.
All these things can be done via divorcing him. Or if you’re not married I assume there’s a finance order type thing for cohabiters.
He doesn’t have to agree, if he point blank refused then courts decide. He can’t wholly control it. Yes make it difficult but not prevent.

[J@jmum]

Ok I have a joint mortgage with my abusive ex and although he left willingly I’d say don’t give up the house. Kids have first rights to living there. Also if he doesn’t pay mortgage then it ruins ur credit rating etc.
U need to build evidence, pics a alcohol bottle build up for the proof he got alcohol problem, try record when he violent/abusive/shouting and so on. Any incidents report them.
His mental health will work against him as far as the kids and any custody battles.
As evidence builds it then becomes enough to get him legally removed from the house.
Evidence is key as they never admit a thing!
All takes time.
Don’t give up your family home unless absolutely necessary (danger). Why should you suffer any further!

[J@jmum]

It’s doing well at showing the small signs and the way they slowly progress.
Easterners has one too, the violence behind closed doors but outside those doors it’s all about be image of them being a “perfect couple” and “perfect family”.
Very good stories. Glad it’s wing shown

[J@jmum]

Easier when you have a solicitor to do so, unfortunately I’ve no clue a my option or wot to do.
Guess i just have to see.

[J@jmum]

Sorting a divorce by yourself isn’t so hard, I’m near the end of mine and I succeeded with over 60% split for me and kids side. The forms aren’t so tricky.
Yes he will push, yes he will be difficult BUT He can not prevent u divorcing him and if he doesn’t agree then the court decides for u both and they usually fall favour to the kids.

Contact reduce and restrict, trust me!
He will rule your life forever if you don’t and it won’t improve.
Limit his knowledge of your life, routine and whereabouts. He uses it to control u.

He is an ex so contact only needs to be about the kids and cutting ties.

[J@jmum]

It’s already (detail removed by moderator) ordered that it’s supervised by grandparents so it’s part of the rules at the moment.

[J@jmum]

I had the incident on record, not that they knew so don’t worry I’ve got the proof.
I did also inform the police.
I don’t doubt they will plan to twist it but when they realise it was recorded!
I didnt want them doing the supervising and  (court detail removed by moderator)
I don’t have a solicitor, just me! Why I’m failing to be heard i think.
I don’t feel they should have to go back and arrangements be changed but when just me I’ve no clue what to do or how. I’m at a loss!

[J@jmum]

When I’m forced to engage with them and forced to hand my kids over it opens up the windows to this grief. I can’t escape it because I have to stick to the child arrangements.

(detail removed by moderator)

My heads mashed, I’ve gone over the incident 100 times in my head all night that interrupts my sleep . I dont want to but my brain just repeats and I dunno some sort of coping mechanism I guess.

[J@jmum]

I wanted contact centre but (detail removed by moderator). True but ignores the negatives a this setup.
Thanks all

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