Kazz

[Kazz]

They are over 8 but they are still children and they don’t understand the games he is playing. My older one won’t even look at me, the younger one is a bit more fiesty but was sobing because his dad is nice to him but gets angry if he spends time with me!

[Kazz]

Hi so not quite as extreme but yesterday I got told by a solicitor that if my older son chooses to live with his dad then the judge may agree this and the same with my younger one and I will have to end up paying him maintenance! Is this actually for really? I’m a good mum how on earth am I supposed to Live without my children? he has completely brainwashed the older one of course he will say he wants to live with his dad, he would be to scared to say anything else! Don’t know if anyone has heard of golden child syndrome but that’s what is going on in my house to a tee. The older one is love bombed by him. His gone to the doctor’s, dentist etc and told them to put his number down as the main contact.
When I changed it back to mine he asked “how dare I”. Can I actually lose my kids and home to this evil man because he has manipulated them and turned one in particular against me? It’s like Mental abuse is irrelevant, my kids will be damaged for life if they end up with this narcissist, feel like I’m hitting my head against a brick wall, Some please tell me this is not true.

[Kazz]

Women’s Aid recommended this solicitor! 🤦I came across a file in the computer which was recording the key strokes. You could see them appear as I type as it records it in a file sorry I’m not that tech savvy so was shear luck. When I asked him he said he put it on there for the kids because they are always doing stuff on the computer, yeh right!

[Kazz]

So yesterday I got told by a solicitor that if my older son chooses to live with his dad then the judge may agree this and the same with my younger one and I will have to end up paying him maintenance! Is this actually for really? I’m a good mum he has completely brainwashed the older one of course he will say he wants to live with his dad, he would be to scared to say anything else! Don’t know if anyone has heard of golden child syndrome but that’s what is going on in my house to a tee. The older one is love bombed by him. His gone to the doctor’s, dentist etc and told them to put his number down as the main contact.
When I changed it back to mine he asked “how dare I”. Can I actually lose my kids and home to this evil man because he has manipulated them and turned one in particular against me? Some please tell me this is not true.

[Kazz]

Hi Imtellingthetruth,

I have caught my husband using the ring door bell to record my movements, every time I leave the house (found notes in the computer of my every movement, left 9.23, returned 10.12 etc etc), I found out he put a device in our computer to record my every key strock so he could get all my passwords, I found a recording device under the bed and I found him videoing me with his phone. We are still in the same house while the divorce goes through, I suppidly didn’t get evidence at the time I hadn’t filed for divorce. Now I live in a constant state of paranoia, every room I walk in I say ‘Alexa stop spying on me!’ when I get in my car I look for a tracking device. He has even looked at my medical records without my consent (detail removed by Moderator). My solicitor does not seem interested in any of these things it’s like he can just do what he wants.

[Kazz]

Hi Cirrocumulus, I am in the process of trying to find a new solicitor with experience, I e-mailed Women’s Aid last Week (can’t ring he’s always at home) but still no response, my GP recommend one who I also e-mailed but again, no response. Based on Eggshells post above it sounds like you can change weeks before the court date. I,ll let you know if I ever get a response and what they say.

[Kazz]

Thank you so much Wiseafter, your words and advise mean a lot when you are just left with your own thoughts in the current situation, frightened of losing your children even though you have been a good mum it’s so scary. You just gave me the motivation I needed, I was really struggling.

[Kazz]

Good luck Flufster, I know how heart breaking it is, I really feel for you, (detail removed by Moderator) as every day goes by I lose my older one in particular a little bit more, I just hope (detail removed by Moderator) can see through these vile humans who claim to love their children and use them as weapons, they do not care about the impact it has on their children. Stay strong and please let me know how it goes.

[Kazz]

Hi Blossom3, Just read your post I am currently going through a divorce and it has taken nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years just for the finances and is still ongoing with him refusing to move out so stuck in the same house! I applied for divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour and he didn’t like or agree with the reasons stated but didn’t contest it just got his solicitor to make a note that he didn’t agree with it.
But the biggest mistake I made was not finding a solicitor experienced in domestic abuse. I think I am too far down the process to change my solicitor as far as finance are concerned (detail removed by Moderator) but I have been looking for an experienced one for the child care arrangements as he is turning my kids against me and get the feeling he’s trying to take them. I am still waiting for a response from women’s aid to recommend one but my GP recommend one. Good luck, I hope it all goes okay for you.

[Kazz]

Hi, does anyone know how I go about finding a good female family law solicitor in my area who has experience in parental alienation and domestic abuse? My friend knows a family court judge that recommend some but they are all partners in the firm’s so are probably going to cost a fortune. I don’t know anyone that has been in a similar situation to make a recommendation and on the websites they all claim to be great.

[Kazz]

Thank you so much for your advise, that is my greatest fear that my children will become him, they are good kids according to him I’m just jealous because I don’t have a relationship like his with them. I will look into all of the advice given by all you amazing ladies.
Felt so helpless before feel a bit more positive now.

[Kazz]

Thank you so much for your responses they have given me some hope. I have thought about the molestering but don’t think he is I think it’s all about controlling them now he has lost control of me and also about torturing me for daring to want to leave.
It’s unfortunate we are in these current circumstances with lockdown my Surgery is only offering telephone appointments but I think I need to see someone face to face. I did go to see my GP when I started divorce proceedings the councillor sent me there, the GP was really nice but said I just need to get out of the situation as soon as I can. At this point he wasn’t hounding the kids like he has been. I will go and see her as soon as they restart appointments.
I am afraid to get him thrown out because I know the kids will hate me for it they adore him and will blame me for taking their father away from them so I’m stuck.
I do need to find a good solicitor with experience in this area but don’t know how to word of mouth is usually how you find someone good but I don’t know many people, on the websites everyone says they are good!
I will research the information you have given me and just live in hope that I get my children back one day. Thank you.

[Kazz]

Hi Rubymurray

Not sure I can offer much advice but I am in the similar situation currently going through a divorce and adviced by my solicitor to stay put in the house or I could lose it. For the sake of my children I would like to keep it as it is their home but (detail removed by moderator) on from filing for divorce and (detail removed by moderator) down so far I feel like I am in exactly the same position I was (detail removed by moderator) ago!
My partner like yours likes everyone to think he is a lovely, reasonable person and other people’s opinion of him matter but my solicitor recommended not using a mediator because he thought I would just cave in and agree to what he wanted as I’m not the most assertive person!
Anyway it is now going through the courts because he is not responded to anything or taking months to respond, and of course he wants the house, no idea how much more this will cost (the thought of how much debts I will rack up gives me sleepless nights), and how much longer this is going to take, and this is just finances it will be same again for child custody I assume.
If you think mediation is a possibility and can help you move forward it would be worth it and certainly be a quicker route than the nightmare I have ended up with. Good luck.

 

[Kazz]

Hi It’s so nice to read your post and know that you mamade it! I can’t wait for the day I can be myself again, not having to think before any word is spoken, constant walking on egg shells, sleepless nights, it’s exhausting, I often wonder how someone like me became this weak, frightened woman letting someone take control of my every breath. But hopefully I too will be able to write a post like yours and say I am finally free to be me.

[Kazz]

Thanks so much for all your advice it has been really helpful I feel like the solicitor is only interested in what assets we have (I listened to a pod cast that said judges aren’t interested in the state of your relationship when it comes to finances they just want a fair distribution of the assets which is probably why the solicitor is like that) but all I’m interested in is my kids.
If I don’t keep the marital home I’m afraid they won’t want to come with me to a new home when he’s turned them against me so much. If I don’t cook for my husband my son asks why I haven’t cooked for his dad or he won’t eat himself and try’s to make me feel like I’m a bad person being cruel to his father.
He has never physically harmed me but when I said I was going to stop giving him my money he went crazy (he has a bad temper so I generally just stay quite unless spoken too constantly walking on egg shells). He started calling me names, said he’s going to tell the children I have broke their home up and it’s my fault they can’t stay in their home and then proceeded to tell me how he’s going to tell all my friends and family I’m a slag???? My mum’s old she doesn’t need him speaking about her daughter like that. As a result I just thought it’s easier to carry on paying him till this ends but it seems to be never ending. As for the 50)50 custody as far as I am concerned the less time they spend with someone so controlling the better. But a) they
adore him and they will hate me for restricting their time with him and b) there is no way he would agree to any less and I don’t know how a court would decide but yes I will have to have a court order drawn up or he will never leave me alone with my kids. Again though this will put me into more and more debt fighting to spend time with my kids. It’s all so depressing.

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