Kellym

[Kellym]

Thank you everyone
He woke up (detail removed by Moderator) for work said he wasn’t going (detail removed by Moderator), he continued for (detail removed by Moderator) to bash me why I got out of bed and sat on the floor trying to think of what I could do if he set on me because I felt like where I was in the bedroom there was no escape route!

(detail removed by Moderator) he asked me to get back on the floor pushed my face down and had sex with me and then called me (detail removed by Moderator) and left the house

(detail removed by Moderator)
When we got back he jumped out as I was walking in and tried to take my keys I tried to run but he pushed me down (detail removed by Moderator) whacked my head (detail removed by Moderator) and strangled me
I am now packing all of our stuff to leave I can’t do this anymore I literally feel like I’m going to die

I’m not a violent person I don’t understand what I have done to deserve this life of being infertile and having to have ivf and being abused like this he is saying it’s me and o need to sit and have a good think about what I am doing to our kids
I feel so scared and lost I have no idea how I’m going to cope

[Kellym]

Hi guys

Thank you so much for your kind words it’s really nice to have the support.

I’m having a terrible day he has been gone for two nights and now I have found messages that’s he has been messaging to another girl. They are disgusting his now blaming me saying I should have listened and shouldn’t have told him to leave.

I’m doubting myself I feel guilty on me on my kids what have I done to them!! I’ve ruined their family unit, I don’t deserve them.

I did ask him to leave because for weeks after the miscarriage any little bicker he was telling me he didn’t want me or calling me fat.

I wish I just kept my mouth shut now

Please help me

[Kellym]

He is now telling me it’s my fault he went on the dating app (detail removed by Moderator)!
Is it me or is this crazy I should not be being bribed with other women! Someone please tell me I’m right!

He has OCD and the house to him should be sparkling at all times it’s never really bad but sometimes of course things need doing

He moans I never look nice or make an effort but I really struggle to get up in the mornings and feel motivated to look nice I can’t pin point why I think this could be a result of ptsd from the abuse I’m not sure or am I just lazy and ugly like he says, I’ve begged him to not hurt me and call me names as he does this every single time we even have a small bicker over something

But he is now saying I have brought this on myself and I’m the reason after all these years he is looking elsewhere because I could never change

I’m actually doubting myself again I feel so low, so confused and an abaolute mess I don’t want to loose him but I know I shouldn’t be treated like this I have no one I can talk to I’m petrified to tell any authorities incase they take my children from me as they’re the only good thing I have

Why was this ever fair

[Kellym]

Thank you ladies, I am hopeful that one day it’ll all be over! He keeps calling me lazy and I don’t look after the house properly truth is I physically haven’t got the energy all I want to do is cry all the time or my time is spent being strong infront of the kids.
My absolute dream is to one day be in a secure job paying my own bills, sat on a holiday that I paid for watching my two babies free and having fun worry free and be able to think we did it!
It’s paralysing the hold they have on you isn’t it! He threatens me with taking my car away etc but now I just don’t care! Thank you for your support it was really what I needed to hear. Why is it so much easier to stay than leave x

[Kellym]

Hey guys thank you so much for your replies

It’s been a terrible (detail removed by Moderator) he punched me so hard I have a huge bruise all because he said I ‘answered him back’
I left for (detail removed by Moderator) he went mad because I found the strength to tell him I didn’t want him anymore and I wanted to do better for my kids, he chased us out the house and then threatened to kill me numerous times before telling me he was going to set my family memebers houses on fire he even (detail removed by Moderator)

He then managed to get me back
And then (detail removed by Moderator) he was back to smashing things up lost it and literally lifted my feet off the floor by holding my cheeks and threw me (detail removed by Moderator)

(detail removed by Moderator) we have now had a difference of opinion and he has left and said it’s for good!
Now I am struggling wondering what I will do without him and his actually making me believe it’s my fault when I know it’s not he keeps trying to say this to me and that he’s going to go and talk to other people and it’s all my fault. From help on here I know this is all part of his control so am growing stronger to it but I feel so useless how will I live without him how will I look after my kids, where will I go how does life work on the other side of all this, because I desperately want a future with him after over a decade I don’t know life without him and it’s scaring me so much that I just want to apologise to him and beg him to come back. It’s sounds naive but I’m so scared of breaking my babies hearts even though I know this is breaking them too xx

[Kellym]

Hey guys sorry for the slow response but thank you so much I can’t tell you how badly I needed these words it’s made me realise a lot! I stupidly let him back and (detail removed by Moderator) he has kicked off he said I’ve been purposely pushing his buttons all weekend but I genuinely haven’t and now his made me feel like maybe I have and questioning myself! Is this normal!
I feel so so lost in life I’m so unhappy I feel trapped! How hard should it be to leave someone like this why can’t I!!
(detail removed by Moderator) he stood Infront of our kids and shouted you don’t understand what YOU are doing them! Then told me if I’m to keep safe I need to watch my every word I say around him, I went to walk off to which he said (detail removed by Moderator)
To which I of course replied yes!
I can’t tell how much my kids are effected I actually see it more in my son, I think he is suffering with Ptsd or some sort of trauma and it breaks my heart I am so stuck
He also said in front of my son (detail removed by Moderator)
Already making it my fault I have left him alone (detail removed by Moderator) times today so that nothing happens infront of my kids and each time his then kicked off saying I don’t want to spend time with him!
I just don’t know how I get out of this he pulls me back in every time
But I do feel like I’m getting stronger and my driving force behind that is my kids
My little boy has just fell asleep I believe this is is coping mechanism, again, heart breaking
Just to give an example is that I called him from the (detail removed by Moderator) to tell him I was going to the (detail removed by Moderator)! He then started over that telling me I don’t leave him alone! I feel like he loves our daughter but doesn’t like her and sends her to get him beer she is (detail removed by Moderator)! She comes and says get daddy beer I fee this is so wrong!

Where do I start thank you for all your words they have truly given me some strength

[Kellym]

Hi thank you for your comment

I did think I was being strong, things have got bad again, (detail removed by moderator) ago he threw me to the floor in front of my daughter and punched me breaking 2 of my ribs. The (detail removed by moderator) he went into one I can’t even remember why it was that small he was going to leave them told my I should so got me in a head lock so tight I couldn’t breathe and threw me (detail removed by moderator) and went to bed himself
Today he has kicked off because I woke up a little bit not myself because my (detail removed by moderator) he was deliberately trying to annoy me then when I asked him to please not do it got mad
I ran into (detail removed by moderator) and he come out and dragged me in by my hair really hurting my neck and terrifying our daughter then infront of the kids told me it’s all me and I’m (detail removed by moderator)
I honestly don’t know what way to turn anymore he constantly gas lights me, he broke my ribs then told me I was (detail removed by moderator) because I didn’t want to have sex
I don’t even think I realise how bad the situation I am in is
I am desperate for a better life for me and my babies I feel like a coward because it’s so hard to leave I feel like I’m letting them down, I’m having thoughts that maybe it’s better to just end it all but would never want to leave them with him I just don’t know where to even start.

[Kellym]

It makes you feel like your going insane
(detail removed by Moderator) I have made plans with my friend and kids (detail removed by Moderator)
Next thing he’s text me saying his taking the night off work to spend time with me knowing I have plans! When I said it to him his made me feel bad for not wanting to blow my friend out and spend it with him
Saying (detail removed by Moderator) I should be grateful he wants to spend the evening with me etc
Now his saying (detail removed by Moderator) his going out and doesn’t wanna spend time with me, honestly I don’t know what’s worse the physical or the mental abuse he’s got me feeling terrible for making a plan once in a blue moon, and insisting it’s not because he cares that I’m going out x

[Kellym]

Hey guys sorry for the slow response but thank you so much I can’t tell you how badly I needed these words it’s made me realise a lot! I stupidly let him back and (detail removed by Moderator) he has kicked off he said I’ve been purposely pushing his buttons all weekend but I genuinely haven’t and now his made me feel like maybe I have and questioning myself! Is this normal!
I feel so so lost in life I’m so unhappy I feel trapped! How hard should it be to leave someone like this why can’t I!!
(detail removed by Moderator) he stood Infront of our kids and shouted you don’t understand what YOU are doing them! Then told me if I’m to keep safe I need to watch my every word I say around him, I went to walk off to which he said (detail removed by Moderator)
To which I of course replied yes!
I can’t tell how much my kids are effected I actually see it more in my son, I think he is suffering with Ptsd or some sort of trauma and it breaks my heart I am so stuck
He also said in front of my son (detail removed by Moderator)
Already making it my fault I have left him alone (detail removed by Moderator) times today so that nothing happens infront of my kids and each time his then kicked off saying I don’t want to spend time with him!
I just don’t know how I get out of this he pulls me back in every time
But I do feel like I’m getting stronger and my driving force behind that is my kids
My little boy has just fell asleep I believe this is is coping mechanism, again, heart breaking
Just to give an example is that I called him from the (detail removed by Moderator) to tell him I was going to the (detail removed by Moderator)! He then started over that telling me I don’t leave him alone! I feel like he loves our daughter but doesn’t like her and sends her to get him beer she is (detail removed by Moderator)! She comes and says get daddy beer I fee this is so wrong!

Where do I start thank you for all your words they have truly given me some strength

[Author]

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