Memand

[Memand]

Hi Freshstart and others,

I also put up with the emotionally abusive behaviour for years, not recognising it for what it was. I thought he had a problem with anger, but did not put two and two together until I went for counselling for another issue altogether and the therapist asked me if I had considered contacting WA.I was very surprised and dismissed it out if hand, but almost a year later here I am, starting the freedom programme tomorrow. Perhaps one day I will even get out.
Well done for reaching divorce proceedings and stay strong. We are all here for each other.
x

[Memand]

I’m not sure how Christmas came out there, I meant of course…

[Memand]

Hi NYX3,
I put that down to lack of empathy. We all experience the world in our own entirely unique way, but some people don’t understand that. At the end of the day it doesn’t matter. Of Christmas it’s that’s easy to say, but trust yourself and your own judgement. Your feelings can’t be wrong.

[Memand]

Hi Robin,
I’m not sure if I can be of any assistance, but am in the same situation. I made up my mind for the first time after a sexual assault (the first one I had recognised as such) and a particularly vicious episode of anger (all my fault, naturally) that I would leave. We are now back in the calm period though and I feel my resolve slipping. I think the advice about recording his voice when he lets fly is good, that way you can listen to it every time you doubt yourself.
Stay strong, sending you hugs.
x

[Memand]

Ayanna,

The fact that he tried so hard and went over the given time bodes very well for future therapy with him. And just think of it as a process, a slow one. As others have said it may get worse before it gets better, but that is part of healing. You have probably internalised so much for so long that it will take some time to process your pain.
Be kind to yourself. You deserve it.
x

[Memand]

Thank you Western Cloud, and everyone else. I think that is the thought that gets me through. The fact that when(no longer if) I do it I will be the mum and woman I want to be. At the moment I’m afraid to be me when he’s around. There are so many taboo subjects. I just need to some how summon the inner strength and figure out what to say to the kids. After the freedom programme though. I have high hopes for it.

[Memand]

Thank you New Survivor. Well done for getting out. I’m just so angry with myself for not having the courage, but still feel so guilty for even contemplating breaking up the family. I’m not here for me any more, I only keep going for the kids’ sake, and my parents who have already lost their other child. It is all so desperately sad. I feel like a prisoner.

[Memand]

Serenity and Confused123,
Thank you so much. I’d be lost without this forum. I’m waiting for my freedom programme to kick in before I make any big decisions.

[Memand]

Thank you Serenity. That helps a lot. I’m so sorry to hear what you’ve been through.

[Memand]

Wow Kip, that is truly amazing. I’m so impressed. Those are giant leaps!
I can only use the word rape when referring to others, never to myself. People like you on this forum are an inspiration for people like me who are still in the grips of the relationship.

[Memand]

Anabela and itmustbemesurely,
Are you either of you in touch with WA? I finally contacted them and it makes me feel empowered just knowing that eventually I will get out, even if it takes a long time.
The only thing I will say is that you can’t please them so you might as well please yourself.

[Memand]

Thanks Anabela. It helps to know that these feelings are experienced by others. Otherwise I would think I was going insane. I’ll try ‘Why does he do that?’

It is like a dream, you’re right. I think that is the mind’s way of coping. I experienced sexual abuse in childhood and that was a different, as I coped by separating mind and body. When the assault is psychological though I guess we employ different mechanisms to cope.
Sending you hugs.

[Memand]

Thank you Anabela, I wish you the same. I hope we both find the strength.

[Memand]

That’s fantastic! I hope your son has a fantastic time.
x

[Memand]

Thank you so much KIP and imagine. I found talking it over really worthwhile and I have signed up for (detail removed by moderator). That is all I can cope with for now, but even that makes me feel empowered.

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