Mummyboo

[Mummyboo]

Thanks for your replies. I think I’m going to have to start doing the handovers through a third party and not my family as he has them wrapped around his finger. A social worker asked my sister to do all the contact stuff months ago and she lasted less than a day. He even rang her for a shoulder to cry on (detail removed by Moderator). I will contact social services on Tuesday (detail removed by Moderator). I haven’t heard from him today but I’m just going to staff strong and wait until (detail removed by Moderator) when he is supposed to pick up the boys. I just want this over.

[Mummyboo]

I left it too long to edit my post but I meant not instead of noir

[Mummyboo]

My husband abused me in every way ,physical, emotional, financial and sexually. I can honestly say the hitting was by far the easiest to deal with. My mental health is rock bottom. I’ve been suicidal, I have extreme anxiety and recently had to see the doctor as I began self harming. I got referred to my local mental health team once and they said it was just situational and I basically had every reason to be depressed. I’m just so broken and I just don’t see how I am going to be able to put myself back together again.

[Mummyboo]

Hi and welcome!
This was my biggest question when I left and I still struggle with it. I go to journey to freedom and I lot of the women really hate their ex’s. I find it really hard as despite the years of abuse including physical, emotional and sexual (I only worked out the sexual abuse through the course) I don’t hate my ex, I just don’t want to be married to him anymore. And I can’t see that he did it on purpose- like how could someone who said they loved me would set out to break me. But I think I will be able to work through this and understand it more. I’m sure more knowledgeable people will reply and help you out.
Congrats on getting out- it was the best decision I ever made. xx

[Mummyboo]

Please excuse my typos- I have a brain injury and the stress is making it play up.

[Mummyboo]

Hi and Welcome!
I don’t really have any advice as I am in a similar situation only (detail removed by Moderator) down the line. I left too with my 2 little boys and are now sleeping in my sisters spare room. I have a shopping bag of clothes to my name. I haven’t done anything legal yet, I am trying to organise contact with the kids informally (this is the (detail removed by Moderator) week it has worked out ok). Everyone seems to rave about no contact but I’m not really brave enough for that but I wish I was. The first few weeks after I left was the worst time of my life. I remember being convinced that everything would always be this bad and that I might as well go back just so I could feel normal again. But it did get better, slowly and still far from perfect but I’m so glad I stuck to my guns.
You are so brave and strong- just keep that in your mind!

[Mummyboo]

Thanks for your reply SunshineRainFlower.

I think some of my heartache is because he is so so sad. He keeps saying things like “You’ve destroyed my life” “I will love you forever”. If I ever say that anything he says is manipulative he gets very hurt and can’t understand why I can’t believe that he is telling the truth. So what if he is telling the truth and I am just being heartless to someone who loves me. I should be grateful that he hasn’t given up on me, when I have been so horrible to him.

[Mummyboo]

Thank you so much for all your kind comments. This is just the hardest thing ever, and (detail removed by moderator) I almost died in an accident but it was a walk in the park compared to this. He phoned me this afternoon (I have tried to put all contact through my sister but he somehow always rangles back in) I ended up hanging up on him as I just can’t handle him at the moment so he followed up with a big long epic email were he went through the circle of power and control diagram and detailed all the ways he was wrong (but is going to change) and also the ways I said he was wrong but I was actually wrong about. Sometimes I feel it would be easier if there had been a big serious physical incident (rather than shoves and hair pulling) or if he had cheated or something because maybe then he wouldn’t be able to minimise it and make it out that I am over reacting. He has a counseling session booked for this (detail removed by moderator) and in a way I wish he didn’t, I felt stronger when I could say “you say you’re going to change but haven’t done anything”. Now it will feel like I won’t have any excuses left.
I really thought things were getting a bit better these past few days but it is just so hard again.

[Mummyboo]

I didn’t want to read and run. I left my husband a (detail removed by Moderator) ago so I’m still kind of in the cycle you are talking about. But it is getting easier , very slowly but definitely easier. I would recommend getting some support, I have my sisters, some close friends, a social worker, a psychologist and woman’s aid. I have found that without this support network I would definitely be back home now. I’m still really stressed out especially when I know he is coming to pick up or leave off the kids as it is always such a drama and a need for a “big talk” but I’m hoping that the new school year will help this as it can be a matter of one of us leaving them off in the morning and the other one picking them up.

[Mummyboo]

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I too was in my relationship for a very long time and it’s only recently that I have stepped out of denial and realised it was abuse. So much of your story mirrored my own, probably the only difference was that my husband sadly was physically abusive on occasions.
Thanks again and wishing you the best. xoxo

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