Ocean

[Ocean]

Hi Galabeee,

I completely understand what you are going through. I have been experiencing that for much longer! I won’t say how long as 1. I’m embarrassed to say and 2. I don’t want to discourage you. To help against discouragement, my story has been drawn out for various different reasons as we have children and there has been messing around with the divorce. Hopefully the divorce is close after the (detail removed by Moderator) attempt! When he actually complies with what is required of him I start questioning myself and think he is a decent person. Usually he creates difficulties and stumbling blocks. Minimeerkat had some great advice above, to read any notes you have taken of your story. My friends tell me this regularly as my mind plays ticks on me. I wish you the best for your recovery and future xx

[Ocean]

Hi icantdothisanymoree,

I’m sorry you are going through this.
I also responded and behaved uncharacteristically during my relationship. This also kept me from getting out of the relationship earlier.
Post separation has been very difficult for me (years after). Abusers don’t like when they are losing control. They can feel this way when we try to get away.
My ex not only manipulated me but many people around us, including the professionals meant to protect us.
Leaving is not an easy road. But for me, it has been life changing in a positive way. I’m not completely free, but the freedom
I have in my own home is amazing! I have a job I love, something my ex would not have allowed.
If you need to go through court proceedings, that could be very difficult. Even demoralising. It’s very difficult to get the protection we need for our children. Quite often we have to hand them over to harm.
Many times I lose hope. But I refuse to give up completely. There are too many positives to ignore as a result of separation…in my case.
Every story is different. I hope you can have freedom xx
Much love,
Ocean

[Ocean]

Thank you for writing and sharing this. It is very moving xx

[Ocean]

Thank you for sharing Sparkle wand. I can definitely relate!
I think I’ll be ordering that book.
I hope it helps xx

[Ocean]

Just want to send you a big hug.
I’m so sorry you are going through this.
They definitely twist things. I hate how they put things in our mouths. Always causing division.
I hope your daughter will see the truth.
He sounds very manipulative.
Do you have any support in place from Women’s aid? Maybe the GP or your daughter’s school? Citizens advice maybe?
It’s not over yet.
Is there anyone you can talk to about your concerns?
He is very wrong to say that to your daughter.
Best wishes xx

[Ocean]

Thank you for your words. They have helped me too x

[Ocean]

Thank you for your comment.

[Ocean]

Thank you for your reply.

[Ocean]

Thank you xx

[Ocean]

Hi TS,

Thank you for your comment. We’ve been through the process. He is ‘safe’ for the children. He is amazing while supervised, and also inconsistently while unsupervised. It’s a confusing day. I’m not even sure why I decided I couldn’t be with him anymore.

PS. He has spoken very badly about me to our children. The courts know about this but I’ve been made to feel like they think I’m deserving of it.

[Ocean]

Hi Footballfan1,

Thank you for your reply. I wish you the best for your recovery xx

[Ocean]

Hi TS,

Thank you for your comment.
I think you’re right about it needing to go quiet for a long time. I’m still waiting for the quiet.

Best wishes xx

[Ocean]

Hi Lisa,

Thank you for the information. It’s very useful, I’ll look into Bloom.

Xx

[Ocean]

It’s typical to feel that way. Sounds like the cycle of abuse.
I remember the good times often and it messes with my head.
Came on here tonight because I’m struggling with the idea that my ex could get in trouble if I’m to be set free from him. I don’t want him to get in trouble. I remember the man I loved but I also want to be safe.

[Ocean]

Sorry to take ages to reply!
I think you get the first 30 minutes free with a solicitor. Your local Women’s Aid can guide you to a local solicitor who accepts legal aid. They can advise you.
I’m guessing a lot has happened since the 8th. It was unrelenting with my ex. If a day went by without an outburst, it felt like ages.
You said your kids are older. Have they spoken about what they want? Are they in danger with their father? My ex minimised everything and would get aggressive with me if I tried to protect our children. He also got people in our lives to back him and suggest that I overexaggerate. They never saw his outbursts, they just believed his lies about me. But it still messed with my head and made me unable to recognise the danger. I still blame myself and struggle to see him at fault for anything.
Your situation may be different, as abuse is tailored to the individual. I just wanted to put that out there just in case.
A solicitor could help you get something out of the divorce that could provide for yourself and your children. Otherwise, it sounds like your ex won’t let you have anything.
I don’t always get the chance to check the forum, but please message if you need anything xx

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