standtogether

[standtogether]

It’s so transactional for them, like a car, just trade it in for the next one. Your right it’s absolutely like that and it’s all a plan they have for if he can’t control us anymore or if we find him out

[standtogether]

I’m so sorry Lostforever! That’s awful. I totally get the way your feeling though. Did you get the right support for your eating disorder when you had it? Is it something you could get help for now? Sounds like some support around that and the trauma your ex has added to, might help? I guess it takes time to shake their cruelty from our heads. I like to think that one day we won’t care what they think anymore and we will only have to answer to our very own inner kind voice.xxx

[standtogether]

So much amazing advice already I just wanted to empathise with you. I too have a similar situation and found it hard when my ex moved on very quickly. I knew I couldn’t be with him and he was never going to treat me well but hearing he had moved on hit me like a ton of bricks. We had a toddler together and dating became his priority very quickly. It actually confirmed to me how little he cared about us and the pure lies he told.

I remember reading something about abusive exes moving on and how it’s quite normal to feel annoyed if they seem to have just forgotten everything and get that happiness of another relationship. Expect we all know they aren’t happy really are they!

I think my blinkers for my ex have continued to keep falling down but sometimes I still miss elements of him.xx

[standtogether]

Hi Iliketea,

I don’t have a lot of advice to add but just wanted to say how sorry I am that you’ve been let down by these people. As we know a lot of ‘friends’ don’t understand the extreme difficulty in leaving. Not to excuse them as it’s not fair but just as all these women who have replied to you there are many people who want to help too.

Thank you for your kind advice to me, you are so strong and you are doing amazingly well.xxx

[standtogether]

Thank you all for your responses. It really helps to hear and thank you for sharing your own stories with me.

I got the trial for audible today and downloaded Healing from hidden abuse. It’s brilliant and has already affirmed everything for me again!

I have been writing things down now, it’s so strange but I worry when I think I’ve felt bad about writing them down.Xxx

[standtogether]

Yes I agree that reflecting time and listening to yourself is one of the best things we can do for ourselves after leaving.xx

[standtogether]

Hi Fizzylem,

Thank you for your kind reply. It’s really good to hear this and I hope I feel that way too one day.

I know what you mean about the projecting. My idea of what it was as opposed to the reality of what it was was so different. Family time
was always a timed thing and He always wanted to get back to his PlayStation as soon as possible

[standtogether]

Freya Riding- Castles

“Im guna build castles from the rebel of your love”

[standtogether]

Hello Overcome,

I can really relate to this. I too have recently realised I was codependent and have blamed myself, but these abusive people do go for these traits in a person too, as they know we will meet their needs. Now recognising it at least we can work on ourselves I guess, but absolutely no blame. We just wanted to love and be loved and we weren’t shown love, kindness or understanding. So please try not to look to inwardly on this.

I still pick apart what happened with him on a daily basis to try and work it all out in my head and some day’s I feel like he wins the battle and some days I do. It feels like such a tiring battle in my head. I just find it so hard to believe even still after all the things I’ve read/watched/attended that he would do this deliberately. But I think I had a bit of a turning point after counselling yesterday. They don’t understand that this is not normal thinking, behaviour or way to treat people. Not giving them excuses but they just have learned a way of life that in their heads works for them and thats hardwired and no one can touch.

Sending love and strength x

[standtogether]

Yes he maybe, he has threatened court and solicitors.

I guess I need to be mindful of this. I don’t know if he will ever follow through as I don’t think he has the money/time/patience for it but he is a bit of a bull in a china shop sometimes so he may just want to ‘win’.

I am so scared as I know I would have to confront him about DV if it went to court and it makes me so nervous how he would react.

I don’t think he would show up because he knows that wouldn’t look good but then again I did think I knew him and I just don’t know what he would do or trust him. I want this to be mine and my daughters safe space completely free of him. Legally he doesn’t have to know but he has listed the things he is entitled to so he’s either googled or sought advice.x

[standtogether]

Thanks guys, it seemed extreme before but perhaps this is the best way. He is denying the way he treated me, we have not even had a conversation about it but he is denying any wrong doing what so ever to me. It was subtle so I feel like it will be really hard to prove for a court order, though I guess I have all these emails at least.

She’s only little at the moment and worships her dad, do you think it would still be ok if they are really little? I just don’t want her to be worried if it’s someone she doesn’t know. I need to look into it I have no idea how this works.

The thing is about the nursery, I have recently moved and it’s not far from him but he doesn’t know where I live and he wants to help choose or know where it will be I think!? As I was living at my parents for a while she still goes to nursery there a few days a week and she’s so happy there I haven’t changed it but I know when the time comes he has a legal right to this so I just have to let him know I guess.

Thank you so much for the advice!xx

[standtogether]

Thank you Maddog, I think we all need reminding of this 🙌🏼 💪🏼

[standtogether]

Hi Fizzylem,

I wanted to say thank you for your reply. It meant a lot and it did reassure me that I’m not alone and thanks for sharing your story it really helped.x

[standtogether]

❤️ thank you! What a group of strong women this forum is filled with, it fills me with so much love to see everyone supporting each other like this.x

[standtogether]

Thank you, that’s a lovely thing to read tonight, been a tough day so I’ve just treated myself to a nice bath and now an early night. Here’s to a peaceful and carefree weekend for all of us!x

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