theocrat

[theocrat]

I’m on holiday with The Bully.
Just checked in here with you ladies because it’s hell on earth.
The Bully moaned on the (detail removed by Moderator) the whole way here. The Bully didn’t allow me to purchase (detail removed by Moderator). The Bully has critised my dress sense and my figure.
The Bully has non-stop moaned about our accommodation, saying we’re going home (detail removed by Moderator).When we do go home, he’ll makes jokes and tell friends it was my decision, then of course he’ll lay into me saying I should’ve forced us to stay.

[theocrat]

The bully I live with likes to send me on wild goose chases to get ingredients  (detail removed by moderator) he plans to cook us.
Sometimes he’ll force me into visiting (detail removed by moderator) supermarkets shouting and swearing at me how (detail removed by moderator).
Then he’ll just decide he doesn’t want to cook with those ingredients tonight, how he  (detail removed by moderator) he’ll then make it extremely difficult to have a conversation about what we’ll have for tea, shutting down all suggestions I make to him often resulting in him again shouting and swearing and blaming me saying (detail removed by moderator)
I do offer, I offer every week since our time together, but of course it’s always (detail removed by moderator). I do approach him about his behaviour when he’s calm but he deny’s it.
I try and say to him when he’s in that mood (detail removed by moderator) but of course, as he’s a bully he’ll stop me and tell me I’m to (detail removed by moderator).
In my head I’ve checked out of this relationship so long ago.
It’s just incredibly difficult to actually break free.
I get into my car often and I scream at the top of my lungs to release the pure pain I feel.

[theocrat]

Sending you lots of love.

YOU ARE A SURVIVOR!

I agree with Beachhut venting and sharing is good.

Take your day minute by minute hour by hour…

[theocrat]

@cornflake
My heart hurts for you, the dread at waking every day, the stomach churning.

Don’t let him suck all the goodness out of your life.

[theocrat]

Thank you @nbumblebee.
Oh, the car. I can absolutely picture in my head what he’s like.
I bought an air freshener for my car (detail removed by moderator), I have to hide it in my car though because he often rips them off because he can’t stand the smell. It has to be a fragrance he’s chosen.

I’ve got another one for you – Sometimes I’m ‘allowed’ to chose something new for the house (notice I don’t say home, as it’s not), once it was (detail removed by moderator). A few weeks down the later I got home to see (detail removed by moderator) and he only let me have it because he was being nice. Of course he commanded I clean up the mess.

The amount of times I hear ‘I only said yes because I felt like being nice’.
The amount of times I’ve bought plants or candles only to find them in the bin because he doesn’t like them.

Trying to keep strong. Just so hard.

[theocrat]

I find myself here reading all your stories as I am so so sad myself.
I read stories for hope and inspiration.
You are all an inspiration to me – SURVIVORS!
I hate my partner. I really hate him. I feel as though I don’t have one ounce of love left for him.
We’ve been together a long time, funnily enough we got together on the back of me leaving an abusive ex.
I thought he was different.
Classic mistake.
He would listen to me describe my ex and would have kind words and would say ‘I’ll never treat you like that.
! SPOILER ALERT ! He is actually WORSE.
Yes with him we have a ‘nice life’.
We have a nice house.
A nice car.
We go on nice holidays and have nice meals out.
We have nice clothes.
All material rubbish I don’t care about.
However, he is just my ex (well, worse as I’ve said) but just with a nicer family background and a job that pays well.
I read the definition of abuse is power & control and gosh, how he has that.
I change my behaviour in front of him. In fact I have changed so much, of course friends have noticed over the years. I used to laugh it off, calling it (detail removed by moderator) but it’s not.
But anyway, I mainly want to type out the issues which are going on a home, get them off my chest.
I have got an amazing supportive family member, however, I think she’s tiring of me and my situation and really can’t do or say much more.
So. This is how it goes… day in day out.
My partner. He’ll come home from work. When he walks through the door he’ll moan he’s tired.
He’ll moan he’s got a headache or backache or some ache.
He’ll moan the house is cold.
He’ll moan there’s nothing in the house for tea, a tea that he has to cook.
As you read this you may think this doesn’t sound bad.
Let me elaborate.
He’s tired because he (detail removed by moderator). Every morning I have to wake him up, he claims to not ever hear his alarm clock and blames (detail removed by moderator). I get called all the names under the sun, he’s smashed up phones numerous times. The times when I’ve left him in bed as I have to go to work myself I get nothing but abuse, as if it’s my responsibility.
The headaches. He’ll often request (detail removed by moderator).
As he’ll moan so often the house is cold, if I’m home I’ll keep the heating on all day. Try and make it a nice environment for him to come home to, especially as he after has these headaches and other aches and pains. I’ll then be told (detail removed by moderator). Also, as I’ve said he smokes weed. I don’t want our house to smell like weed, nor does he and he is so paranoid about it. So I’ll open windows. If he comes home from work and the windows are open (and I’m talking about them being open on a reasonable day, not when it’s -1 outside!) he’ll slam them shut then call me names. Of course though, I get the blame for the house smelling like weed. Back also if the house is ridiculously hot, he’ll open all the windows! It has to be his decision, not mine.
The cooking. He moans that I don’t cook – I offer – but apparently I don’t cook properly. He moans it’s always he that has to go food shopping. I offer, I offer everyday but depending on his mood I get a ‘(detail removed by moderator)’. Of course I often get told that I don’t offer at all, and how ungrateful I am at him cooking every night, how all my friends must be so envious of me.
He constantly blames me for everything wrong in his life, in the world. He constantly says I do nothing but ‘piss him off’. He constantly tells me he hates me and I’ve ruined his life.
Of course I’ve suggested we break up, have time apart.
He doesn’t want to. He wants that POWER.
These are just small snippets.
If he’s doing DIY he’ll constantly shout whilst carrying out a project, there isn’t one room in this house which hasn’t be smashed up by him.
If he’s driving, he’ll constantly shout and berate traffic lights and other drivers, and he’ll drive intimidatingly.
If we’re out having food he’ll moan at how long it takes to arrive, but will blame it being on what I ordered.
He is a constant drain on me.

[theocrat]

I think you’re a smart woman, by joining this forum you know it’s because something isn’t right.

Don’t move in with this man.

Please try and speak to someone from the helpline.

It’s 2020 and whilst I can be respectful of other cultures I just think this is too far.

[theocrat]

I had a bit of a breakdown last night.

I find writing my feelings out are a comfort.

I’m trapped in my relationship. Trapped trapped trapped. I cannot see a way out. I’m stuck in this house – it’s not a home, it’s certainly not my home. All the decisions are made by him. Even what meals we eat everyday. Every day there’s a drama, an ordeal.

I’m in bed (detail removed by moderator) with him led on top of me, it’s a tragic weekend morning routine, I’m scratching his back for him, tickling his back. I’m (detail removed by moderator) and he makes this noises he thinks are cute, but they’re just annoying.

If I don’t go along with it he’s stroppy. He’ll ask me ‘What’s wrong?’ all faux concern.

It’s like having a child.

So I just go along with it, I’m pathetic.

He is so hard to live with. Very moody, that’s the drugs, and the fact he’s incredibly unhappy.

I’m constantly on egg shells, constantly living with this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Anyway, I’ve been going along with it for years, but I’m really at rock bottom now, I’d say I’m depressed. I’m not sure I even love him anymore, I’m not sure I’ve ever loved him really, I hate myself for letting him treat me the way he does. When I met him I was coming out of an abusive relationship.
I can’t believe I’ve wasted ANOTHER (detail removed by moderator) with ANOTHER abuser. I swear these men pick up on this in women.

He’s beat me up, several times. He once beat me up because I confronted him about messaging another girl. Since that incident it’s happened (detail removed by moderator) – messaging other girls – (detail removed by moderator) separate ex’s. I don’t trust him, and of course I’ve tried to tell him that, pathetically for reassurance, but he just gets angry. Intimates me, hits me. So of course I just sit and take it. Pathetic.

We’re supposed to be trying for a baby – it’s very time sensitive for me, as a woman. But we don’t have sex. So it’s ok – there’s no worry of me bringing a baby into this! He’s just got me hanging on, as he’s my only opportunity to have a baby now. This is contributing to my mood. I hate my life, my absolute waste of a life. I just can’t make it better.

Trying for a baby. What a joke, especially as we don’t even have sex! He’s told me he doesn’t want to have sex with me. He tells me I’m fat – I’m an (detail removed by moderator). He’s told me I don’t turn him on that I’m not his type. He doesn’t ever cum when we do rarely have sex, of course, why would he if he’s not attracted to me?

He’s told me to tell my friends we’re trying for a baby, to give off the appearance we’re all happy and settled in this amazing grown up relationship. My friends know his ex well, so I’m certain he wants that passed on to her. Several of my friends have fallen pregnant since we’ve been ‘trying’. I’m sure he gets a thrill from seeing me upset about this, and of course my friends think there’s a problem with me so that’s embarrassing. I can’t tell them ‘I’m not pregnant because we actually don’t have sex, he tells me regularly he doesn’t fancy me’.

He’s told his friends we’re trying for a baby – but made out to them the ‘lads lads lads’ that I don’t like having sex which is why it’s not yet happened. I was stunned when his friend commented on our sex life, saying how I don’t like sex, and also insinuating that my boyfriend gets plenty of sex elsewhere anyway.

Just from typing this out I CANNOT believe what I put up with.

I could go on for hours, with a million examples of his abusive behaviour.

I’ll just leave it with what’s bothering me now.

 

 

[theocrat]

How did you girls get counselling?
I’m still recovering from my ex – he’s due in court next month with stalking and harassing me, it’s been almost 10 years since I left.
When I have difficulties in my current relationship I always refer back to my life with my ex.
I have to admit, I think my current boyfriend is similar to my ex – just less extreme.
I need help with this.

[theocrat]

I know it’s far away but take it!
Go for it!
This is the break you need!

[theocrat]

Thank you @nbumblebee for your kind words.
It’s great to hear you’re getting out there.I’m proud of you.
Please look after yourself.

It’s not nice to know I’m not alone, however I can take comfort from the fact there are so many women who can relate to our situations.

I got in my car today – it’s my car, but he uses it often – but I noticed all the behaviours I do to keep him happy.
He goes mad if I adjust the seat, he goes mad if he gets in and the blowers are full blast, he goes mad if the arm rest is down. As I type this it all sounds so small and insignificant but it’s a living hell. Utter hell.

[theocrat]

Please share more of your story!

[theocrat]

WELL DONE!

YOU’VE DONE IT!

You’re not stupid, you were as you said – blinded.

The next few weeks, months, even years will be hard, but you can do it! Come on, you’ve been through worse than this…

[Author]

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