TiredZiggy

[TiredZiggy]

My husband filmed me feeding our kids once to ‘prove’ I feed them rubbish. I was giving them sweets (it was a treat) so he filmed me giving them and was making comments about what an awful mum I am feeding the kids junk and he’d use it as proof of we split. This happened (detail removed by Moderator) years ago so it’s a long time but I’ll never forget it and he completely denies it ever happened, if I ever bring it up, I’m dragging up the past…it never leaves u that feeling. (detail removed by Moderator), I’m still with mine unfortunately. (detail removed by Moderator).

[TiredZiggy]

As above, if u can try to get out there to meet people within the local community. I took a course run by the council. I’m very scared of meeting new people so I completed the course online, but that opened others doors for me which has help build my confidence and given me the opportunity to meet new people. I’m still in my situation, it doesn’t mend everything but it’s changed me and made be stronger. Stay safe…

[TiredZiggy]

Thanks so much for the reply. I feel he keeps using it against me when I say I refuse to go. A few years back it was me suggesting it and that’s when he made his comment. Time has passed now he’s suggesting it. The very fact I’m refusing to go he’s saying that shows how it’s me with the problem because I refuse to go, I can’t win. It’s not that I don’t want couples therapy to gain ‘control’ or anything negative it’s just because I feel too vulnerable going with him. He’d use whatever I say against me at a later date as a tool. Also I’m the one to get more emotional in any sessions because I’m so incredibly hurt and he’d use this against me to validate how ‘unhinged’ I am. The problem is the therapists really don’t know what I’ve had to put up with behind closed doors. He’s so incredibly charming, the only person who didn’t fall for it once was a midwife I saw when I was pregnant. She took a real dislike to him. But generally people love him and tell me how lucky I am.

[TiredZiggy]

Thanks everyone. Yeah I’m looking for an excuse I’m just interested to know because the drumming literally drives us all crazy so does the spreadsheet thing. He’s quite an arrogant person so he’d never get diagnosed. I couldn’t even suggest it to him because that would knock his ego too much. He had his verbal attack (detail removed by Moderator) & has simmered how now, but it’ll happen again. It’s always in this pattern. Thanks everyone.

[TiredZiggy]

Please don’t tell him you’re going to women’s aid for support. Don’t tell him ANYTHING he’ll use it against you. Keep it to yourself and don’t let him have that control over u. Also as someone else said, keep a diary of everything he does and says to you.

[TiredZiggy]

I refused counselling with my husband. A few years back I suggested it and he told me the counsellor would see that I’m unhinged and take his side. Since then he’s suggested it a few times but what he said had stuck in my mind. He’s so charismatic, people love him. He also is able to stay incredibly calm when I’m more the emotional one. I went and tried to get counselling on my own. The waiting list was too long though so I had to take charge myself and I read lots and lots of books and turned to family for support.

[TiredZiggy]

Why is it so many men on here do not take responsibility for their part in a relationship? He’s playing with your mind and he knows that. He wants to feel in control so he’s making you feel bad about yourself so he can big himself up. I bet he has a very low self esteem really. I don’t know what your situation is, if you have kids or are married. I’m in a similar situation with my partner but because I’m married with kids it’s very tough to leave especially if he’s the breadwinner. If you don’t have kids then get out now. If you have kids still get out, but do it when u think you and the kids are both ready, and make sure it’s safe to do so. You don’t deserve to feel like this. Have you tried counselling?

[TiredZiggy]

I’m so sorry sounds awful you deserve so much better.
I’ve always been really open with my kids and I’ve gone against all the therapists when they say you must act united in front of children, don’t say anything bad about your partner and don’t argue in front of them. I’ve always stuck up for myself & our kids in front of them & told my husband when he’s rude and being a bully in front of them. I tell them that’s the way not to speak to your wife or kids. My children say they’d never treat their partners or kids the way he treats me. My husband got his attitude from his dad and his mum never rectified it, now he’s a carbon copy of him. Im going to break that cycle.
Tell your kids how much his actions hurt you, be honest, they need to know.
I know I’m still in my situation but If you ever want to chat just to let off steam please private message me.

[TiredZiggy]

You are so brave. I really do wish I could do the same but I don’t earn enough money. I’ve been a full-time mum for a very long time and I earn a very small amount through a small job.

It’s amazing how people really don’t know what goes on behind closed doors!

Good luck and stay safe.

[TiredZiggy]

Thanks for your reply. Tbh my family aren’t the ones who think he’s great, they know what he’s like and we’ve had family fallings out over it all. No, it’s everyone else, all his friends and friends of the family. I’m told constantly how lucky I am to have him. They have absolutely no idea. Unfortunately too many times the woman is seen as the aggressor, the hysterical nagging one who’s manipulative and the men are the poor down trodden heros. No one knows what goes on behind closed doors. It can be a living hell. I hope u also stay strong and things work out for u to. I really feel for u. You’re in my thoughts.

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