undertherainbow

[undertherainbow]

Thank you for replying. Just knowing someone is on the other end helps immensely.
I’ve read about trauma bonding but not the other so will look it up.
Late at night I imagine I’m laid by his side in his cell, with him telling me everything is gonna be OK.
I know he doesn’t give a damn about me, I know that as fact but I still hope he’s alright and I’m sorry for everything.
When does all this go away?
There is another man who is brilliant, kind, supportive, caring, beautiful and the Father to my children. Yet I only want the abuser. I only want him. I’m so broken.

[undertherainbow]

Sadly even though I had medical evidence they twisted it into something else! Be prepared for every dirty tactic. They really are sly. You’re completely right it IS a game and when I attended a hearing I heard both prosecution and defense talking in jest about the case. This left me SO angry thinking… this is just your job, this is my life. I don’t doubt you’ll be fine though. Mine was complex and included sexual crimes. Not sure if this is same for you.
Xx

[undertherainbow]

KIP after mine was arrested he too tried saying it was me. They were going to arrest me but he said he wouldn’t press charges! I didn’t find this out for some time after.

They’re all the same aren’t they? Same tactics, same mindset. It’s like we could all be with the same man.

[undertherainbow]

I doubt any type of drug would work on them. (detail removed by moderator)

[undertherainbow]

Could not agree more about the laughing!

[undertherainbow]

Love bombing had me good and proper. Even during one of his arrests I was pleading PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME. Please don’t arrest him I need him… just after breaking my nose and smashing my face in. Love bombing would also come after his attacks. He even said to officers attending it’s all fine now, we’ve been cuddling on the couch. I look back and don’t recognise that person I was.

I also think the declarations of love via text are done to cover up what they’re really up to. Extra martial affairs, financial abuse etc. I found that in my case anyway. I started noticing a pattern and thought yeah yeah what have you done now. I swear he would cut and paste the same crap to cover his back.

xx

[undertherainbow]

The judge also may ask questions. He had none for me but apparently had tons for my ex. He really went to town on him I was told afterwards. I coped with the support of my family and lots of medication, I previously had mental health issues though. This was heavily highlighted by the prosecution. I was extremely vulnerable when I met him and he takes a shine towards mentally ill women. Scumbag.
xx

[undertherainbow]

The judge in my case was fair and made me feel more comfortable. He even said don’t look so scared it’ll be OK!
The defence called me a liar, said I was making things worse for him. I stood my ground. I kept repeating I have no reason to lie, I loved this man. I was very angry with her, it made me question her morality with the line of work she chooses to do. However when I became upset she did back off and asked if I needed a moment.
They also like to deflect what happened and focus on other points, some of which didn’t even make sense to me? Accused of being jealous of his ex?? It’s just all lies fed from him.
And yes ask for an indefinite restraining order. I was granted one xx

[undertherainbow]

Oh BD I was the same. Everyone warned me he was bad news but did I listen? Did I hell!! I even accused all my family of being jealous!
I think it’s another reason why it’s so hard to admit to the abuse because you’re almost proving people right and we all have pride after all!
Luckily I had no one, except one EX friend say ‘told you so’. I quickly dropped that friendship. When we’re being loved bombed all we see is positivity whereas to others it sends alarm bells. But we know now don’t we? If anything else all we can do is learn from what happened and stay extra vigilant in future (not that we should have to but sadly that’s life)

XX

[undertherainbow]

You’re having flashbacks betterdays. When this happens tell yourself this isn’t real, I am having a flashback which is normal for my recovery, I am safe, I am here. Focus on parts of your body and relax them, internally tell yourself to relax muscle groups.
You can do it. This won’t be forever. I’ve followed your struggle BD and it won’t be forever. One day you’ll be over all of this. Promise. XX

[undertherainbow]

What Primbo said. My only way out was being honest with the police instead of covering up for him. It got worse the stronger I became, he knew I was getting ready to leave and he upped his abuse. You seem like you’re starting to make sense of his behaviour and you may feel empowerment. This sadly is the most dangerous time. Stay safe, have your phone handy and please please please contact police if you can.

[undertherainbow]

And yes they lie, boy do they lie! His lies didn’t even make sense in the end and the judge actually picked this out! He saw straight through him which was sooooo relieving. I was commended for being honest whereas he was shown to be a liar. The truth does prevail even if the outcome isn’t what you want. Don’t worry these court officials have dealt with every type of person and can see through manipulation and avoidance tactics.

xx

[undertherainbow]

I’ve been through this. I’ll be honest, it’s not easy. I did mine via video link and even though I tried my hardest I cried a lot. However afterwards I stood up and said to the usher I DID IT I ACTUALLY DID IT. It’s a good feeling standing up to them, you’re showing that enough is enough and I’m not taking your (removed by moderator) anymore!
Make sure you have a support system and you’ll be given breaks throughout if it gets too much. The prosecution will also requests breaks if they see you becoming upset.

It will be the hardest thing you’ve ever done but you can do it. If I could manage it then I’m sure anyone can. Be prepared for the aftermath, it can be an anticlimax and this is where I needed the most support (and still do).

Good luck and you can message me any time you want to chat or want some more advice from someone who very recently went through the same.

Lots of love to you. You’re stronger than you think. XX

[undertherainbow]

When I was in my nightmare relationship, already suffering with mental health, I convinced myself I was a sociopath! But alas I was mirroring his behaviours and manipulation. I read about this and is quite common! xx

[undertherainbow]

Mine was the same! Mirrored my behaviour and then I started mirroring his eventually! A true sociopath/psychopath I reckon.
After his final attack on me he had one pupil bigger than the other and it scared me half to death!

[Author]

Posts