Wateringcan

[Wateringcan]

I know im not alone. You amazing ladies have all been through so much yourselves so im very grateful for your messages and advice! I guess i need to do a bit of self care and love and the rest will hopefully come with. Xx

[Wateringcan]

Im curently on my 4th lot of therapy but this time the therapist specialises in domestic abuse. Shes brilliant but i feel when ive had a session i feel quite low and im not sure if its doing me good or if that is normal to feel like that.
I do appreciate all your messages… its nice to hear what outside people think! Xx

[Wateringcan]

I have done no contact the whole time and haven’t gave in even on many occasions ive wanted to. But we do have children together which means i am somehwhat attached to this man for the rest of my life. This makes it really hard for me as i know one day hes gonna turn up for the children and that in itself is just torture. Its a constant thought in the back of my mind. Along with everything else i am battling because of him.
I have looked in to how i ended up in a relationship like this and i do understand to an extent and hopefully will prevent me from entering another relationship the same.
The pain feels so raw still some days i feel the same woman i was in that relationship and i cant train my brain to snap out of it. Ive tried a loy of mindfulness, meditation, therapy and ive learnt techniques but just one simple thing happening can switch me as a person.. my whole mindset changes within seconds and im this numb little girl oblivious to what is going on around me. I hate on my self. I dont want to have those moments i want to feel normal whatever that is. X

[Wateringcan]

Thank you very much for your advice. It has really helped! I havent read any books regarding domestic abuse as I dont like to remind myself about experiences I’ve been through but maybe it is time to read one! Thank you xx

[Wateringcan]

The moment he called you those names.. it was abuse.. it was bad enough.
Get help and get out xxx

[Wateringcan]

Thanks i have for the last few months been very strong whilst being alone just me and my children. But now its coming up to christmas i feel like i want him around again to have a family together gor christmas time. But instead im still hurt and confused and unsure of everything around me. I dont even trust my own mind. It makes me upset that he can just move on so quickly with another family. A kick in the teeth i guess. Thanks ladies x

[Wateringcan]

You have done very well then. Hoping ill be at that point soon x

[Wateringcan]

Ive been zero contact for a long time and it has helped but keep feeling like im taking 10 steps all the time whenever he pops in to my head 🙁
I think your right in how you have explained it as being an addiction. I feel i NEED him. I get random panic attacks and then the first thought is I need him! Its so strange and it really confuses me coz thats when i start doubting it all and blaming myself.
How long did it take you to feel like you was pass that phase? I know every one heals at a different pace just wish it would be quicker so the pain would stop and my mind would clear x

[Wateringcan]

This is the thing.. ive looked into trauma bonding and i can see how some of what i feel is due to a trauma bond but then i also feel like alot of what i am feeling is a genuine loss.. like i really miss him and the good memories i have of him are playing over in my mind and i keep doubting if ive done the right thing or not. I can see hes actually putting in the effort to change aswell which makes it a lot harder coz i feel the love for him again like hes the becoming the person i loved at the beginning again. What if im not upgrading my life .. what if ive made a mistake and lost the only man ive ever loved.

[Wateringcan]

Really lovely xx

[Wateringcan]

I was doing ok i was waking up with a smile again and i was laughing again. I was turning negatives into positives and my sole focus was my children.
But one day last week something changed again and i dont know what it was but im having panic attacks im having weird dreams im sweating constantly my whole chest feels really heavy and im very very emotional crying at least 5 times a day. I am having moments where i look at myself and feel sick and ashamed and feel like every thing would seem better without me in it. Im not having suicidal thoughts just feel as if im failiny everything and everyone so whats the point in me. I havent reached out to family and friends as they have already helped so much and i dont want to put anything else on them. I feel like the only person who could make me feel better right now is my ex. I had his number up on my screen last night ready to call him and i was so close. The only reason that stopped me calling was because of my children. Not because of how he was to me but how he made my children feel. But i have this need for him and a love still and so many people have said this is a trauma bond and ive doje the research but i cant seem to reverse any of the good feelings i had towards him. He is the very reason i am in this position yet he is still the only person i feel could stop all this pain.

[Wateringcan]

Yes in touch with gp. I feel like im useless and dont even understand what my purpose is anymore. Im fed up of feeling this way when i should be happy and im just not :'(

[Wateringcan]

There is something called DVassist.. google it yo7 can do it online but i used them and i call them up tell them about the threats and harrassment.. they take a statement over the phone and will ask you to send over the evidence to them then put you in touch with a solicitor who again will go through a statement with you then get you in for an emergency order. I had an emergency non mol in place within 4 days! It then changed over to a 6 month non molestation order.. it costs a biy but if its gonna help its worth it. And then if he breaches it like my ex did they arrest him coz its a criminal offence.
X

[Wateringcan]

Hi, yes had some supportive messages thank you lisax

[Wateringcan]

It’s so cruel :'( destroying me even more.. no wonder people dont speak out because when we do this is one of the outcomes:(

[Wateringcan]

Yeah mutaual friends have told me. Everything you said makes a lot of sense but im still struggling to accept the abuse so for me to now hear that is what is being said about me has really hurt.
I know i have nothing to prove to anyone and the truth will come out soon enough but just feels like an injustice of what me and the children have been through

[Wateringcan]

Thank you ❤ xx

[Wateringcan]

Thank you. I want to learn to love myself again. Just a very long process.xxx

[Wateringcan]

You’ve both been a great help thank you 🙂 xx

[Wateringcan]

Thank you 😊 x

[Wateringcan]

Dont put him on birth certificate. X

[Wateringcan]

Thanks for replying..
I looked into the trauma bond.. im finding it really hard as either him or what he put me through is constantly on my mind. And when i sleep i have nightmares. Feel like my brain is 100mph and it just wont turn off 🙁
I spend hours every day in tears & im finding that i just want to give in.

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