Angels wings

[Angels wings]

Thanks for the sdvice, I’m speaking to a solicitor informally in the week, when I say finishing off the (removed by moderator) is currently ripped out lol, it don’t be a huge amount to do other than but can’t be left. It’s so horrible makes me question myself every time. I think I might call women’s aid or try up get hold of my caseworker from before. The other thing is offering to buy stuff for the children and talking about other things he never wanted to do before. It’s tactics. I’m letting him buy for the children but I think they see through it anyway I’ve spoken to them before about people buying affection but actions and behaviour freak louder than words. X

[Angels wings]

Our house situation is complicated, I’d have to move out anyway or buy the house we are living in, which I’m not in a position to do on my own.
I’m not concerned that he will get physical, he’s doing the usual pretending it’s not happening then he will lay on the charm to try to win me round and try to bring up the “good times” and children. Then when that doesn’t work I expect the silent treatment and nasty comments will happen. I just need to keep strong. I’ve blocked him on Social media already which I’ve never done before. It’s all scary but I think calling women’s aid would be a good idea thanks for the advice x

[Angels wings]

Thank you, I get so annoyed. I never used to recognise it, I ised to just try to make things better and get upset. These days it’s just another nail in the coffin and I barrier gets stronger. I’m trying to arrange councelling ATM hoping to give me strength too.
Hugs to you guys too I think we need them xxx

[Angels wings]

Thanks everyone o appreciate your help. We went away at the weekend and he was as nice as can be. I had my period so no physical contact. Since being home I have been exhausted, partially through organising a party cleaning and tidying plus arranging and packing to go away and partially because I think I may have prolapsed again I had an op to repair after childbirth but I’ve been in pain this week so I’m going to the doctor today. I only mentioned it yesturday to him because I’ve been falling asleep at 7.40-8.30 every night and because two of the children have been poorly or I’ve been tired the children have fallen asleep in my room and it’s meant he’s slept in the other room. His face is like thunder he’s certainly not all sweet anymore and it’s because we aren’t having sex. He told me it makes him grumpy and it’s certainly true. Tbh i probably should’ve explained to him sooner but on the other hand feel I shouldn’t have to. Let’s see if the mask drops quickly this time.

[Angels wings]

Hi everyone I don’t have a disability myself but one of my children has dyspraxia and is awaiting assessment for autism my youngest is awaiting diagnosis for spd or dyspraxia and my other child awaiting apd assessment. I am the only one who goes to any medical appointments or does anything to find out about the children’s needs and what can be done to help them. I find that it’s very difficult handling everything in my own meltdowns etc although my children are all awesome and perfect in my eyes. It’s difficult because I want to help them but difficult because my husband doesn’t understand it or allow for it at all, he even calls names like sow yak it stupid. This causes trouble as I step in immediately and say no that’s not acceptable it means getting it all thrown back in my face him saying they have no respect for me they are like it because of me or I get the silent treatment. I am trying to get the courage to leave to give myself and the children a new life. It’s taking time and planning and really hard as it goes into the typical cycle of nasty to honeymoon period. The children struggle with change andvivevfektcso weak and deflated worn down even that I keep losing the nerve and making excuses. The children are starting to notice now and I know I need to change things before it destroys them. It’s such a huge and scary step. I’m scared about where we will love and losing our lets who my oldest son is highly emotionally attached to them I looked into financial side as I was worried about that too as I home educate one child and worried if be forced to stop the 24/7 care needed. It’s helping to vent worries on here though. I feel at least people understand.

[Angels wings]

Does anyone know how to access the freedom program online please ?

[Angels wings]

I can relate to this. Isn’t it weird how when you are going through the good time of the cycle you question everything and wonder if the bad times are just in your head and if you can make things work, yet in the bad part you are so broken and low it’s like you see things for what they are yet you are so low you don’t have the strength to do anything about it. I wish I had the strength and optimism of the good times when things are bad. My husband also uses financial control to get to me. I used to be strong independent and earn good money until we had our children, I never used it as a power trip or to make him feel like he was a lesser person or owed me for it. I now get told it’s ok for you you’re not the one paying for it, you don’t have to work, or you get everything you want,or if you have sex with me you can have xyz. The children are told this costs money that costs money I have to work for that, if you don’t have me how will you have presents etc etc. He says go to buy things then throws it back at is with the above comments. He refuses to buy things for himself and then says it’s because he puts us first, but it is all a guilt trip. He is usibg a lot of money soon to do things he wants and he also sends money home to his family to support them regularly which I’m not allowed to question, he did this even in times when we were struggling to eat. If I reacted to him like he does me he’d be so angry ! Nasty comments silent treatment etc. It’s so hard feeling trapped. I completely understand where you are coming from, I hope this makes you feel less alone and that’s it’s not just you. Sometimes it’s so confusing you think you’re going bad or just not thinking straight it’s so hard. X

[Angels wings]

I totally agree with serenity. I can empathise with you, I had 3 miscarriages between having my children they were the most painful devastating and lonely times of my life, my husband just didn’t seem affected at all and didn’t comfort me, he was so matter of fact about it all and just expected me to get over it. I needed love comfort a shoulder to cry on and to know that he felt the American as me. I was pretty much expected to pull myself together and get on with it. I can’t believe how callus and heartless he was. Grief didn’t seem to come into things. Things didn’t get much better with future pregnancies births or care looking after our children I could list some awful experiences. It breaks my heart to see you feel this way. You are allowed to grieve. You are not alone going through this there are others like me who completely understand. X

[Angels wings]

I meant my mum was abused not abided I’m terrible at spelling when I type fast.

[Angels wings]

Hi mixed up mum, wow what you’ve described is exactly how things are, I just couldn’t find the right words. I don’t have any family to help, my mother was abided as a child and throughout her whole life, unfortunately she was very controlling over me and used emotional blackmail to get me to do what she wanted it was like being in a nightmare being torn between her and my husband. I had to stop seeing her after she started on my children screaming at my oldest who has dyspraxia and possible asd. My youngest is now showing signs of dyspraxia or spd and my daughter possible apd (sorry lots of a deviations lol) it was only a matter of time before all of my children were treated in the same way. I drew the line and chose to protect myself and my children. Thus meant my older brother took my mind side and my other siblings either had had enough themselves and shut the family out it were distant and have little contact. Friends I love and adore but as I’m sure you all can’t elate to just don’t get it. I can’t tell them everything with the children’s needs and my dodgy marriage it’s too much for the average person to contain. It means I’m pretty much alone.
Our home is owned by someone else complicated situation again ! We are supposed to be getting a mortgage asap and we have invested lots of money in it. This sounds crazy but I think if we own it and we increase the value if and when I gather the courage to end things. I will have either a home I can make him leave (although I don’t know if I’d get help with the mortgage) or if we sell at least some money in the bank. It scares me how I’m so tied. My so had such severe bullying he can’t face school. My priority is my children’s needs. Others that have been through thecsamecand come out the other side gives me hope. It gives me strength. Although I could cry reading everyone’s life stories. It’s like I’ve written it myself. He’s being all nice ATM a time where I’m coping but biding my time. Although I have a childhood friend visiting from abroad in a couple of months she wants to meet up with myself and a few other old close friends, it may be the last time for years so unlike me (I’ve been out twice on my own on 12 years) I said yes lol. I told my husband about it tonight his reaction was do what you wNt, I said good I’ve already said yes 😳 He then said what without consulting me! How would you feel if I did that ? I said but I knew you’d be ok about it. Be then said I would never do it without asking you if you mind first. It left me mixed up thinking is it normal to be able to arrange stuff then discuss it or is he right. Is this control again ? I just don’t know what’s normal. I am determined to go even if I go alone with the children I know my other friend is bringing her children along. All this yet he’s going to fly home to see his family abroad for two weeks in a couple of months time which I e backed all the way ! I’m using this time to get strong and learn from others. I appreciate everyone taking the time to help me thank you so much. 🙂

[Angels wings]

Thank you had lighting is awful. I often find that something happens and I swear it’s happened one way but he says not. I went to a few freedom programme meetings but due to home educating I’m unable to go. I just need to clear my head. I’ve stated making notes so that when I feel confused o have something definite to go back to. I think if you are brave enough to be out of a situation staying out is for the best. I often think if I didn’t have the children to consider I wouldn’t be here now. I also used to be a confident independent women always laughing and enjoying life. I need to find that person again x

[Angels wings]

Healthyarchive I understand what you mean about the housework, I wouldn’t mind so much but I struggle to keep up with 5 people and practically zero help. It’s like he doesn’t care and then the fact in not working is used against me. When I was working it was never classed as work as if it wasn’t important because it wasn’t full time or guaranteed. Plus I was working aswel as juggling everything else. I’ve explained the other things a bit in my other reply. Both yours and serenity have been through it too by the sounds of it x

[Angels wings]

Thanks serenity you described it perfectly.
It’s the constant criticism in an underhand way. For some reason I can’t seem to put it into words. A couple of weeks ago he said to my (detail removed by Moderator) year old stop or I will hit you with my belt, I said don’t you dare say that to him! I knew he’d never do it but my little one didn’t. He then didn’t speak to me all weekend unless it was nasty digs. The following weekend we were supposed to be having a nice weekend away, he started shouting at me in the car because the laptop wouldn’t play DVDs and I was the one who downloaded something to enable it to, he shouted at me for that and then for trying to find say nav info so we were going to the right place saying I should’ve done that already, he’d literally done nothing, I’d booked the hol I’d packed is shopped I drove there etc etc. This all sounds petty but being told you are wrong all the time is hard, living with someone who’s grumpy unless it goes their way is hard. Surely I shouldn’t be the only one doing everything for my children. Saying are you stupid or special is wrong especially to a child with special needs. I don’t have any family support anymore they all hate him, my mother is difficult herself but they all saw how he was to me. Friends don’t come over much anymore only when he’s out. I’m sure it’s because I was always the butt of his jokes. Narcissistic is how I describe it, not extreme but still very difficult to deal with.
When I was pregnant he didn’t get involved when I was in labour he sulked the third time he was angry with me for having got pregnant so when it came to the c section when I was on deaths door because of illness he showed he was angry with me didn’t hold the baby etc, he didn’t change nappies and didn’t care if I struggled or was in pain, I was in tears once in agony and struggling to feed o said I felt useless his answer was you are ! Then things get better again for a while I think it’s all ok then something else triggers it. It got better after counselling but like o said a decline recently and I think I’m just in the frame of mind where I recognise it and don’t want it anymore. I want happiness yet I’m scared to do anything.
It’s not me he threatens to hit it’s the children. Yes they need discipline but not through fear.
Verbal can be as harmful as physical mentally. If o wrote everything it would take hours. These are just rxamples. It’s nice to be understood serenity thank you 🙂

[Angels wings]

Sorry a few spelling mistakes I hope it makes sense I type too fast 🙂

[Author]

Posts