AssisiB

[AssisiB]

Hello me again.

i can’t for the life of me remember who told me about trauma bonding, was it you copperflame on another post or another lady.

(detail removed by moderator)

 

It’s helped me a lot

[AssisiB]

Omg I said trauma BONGS! I means BONDS

Well hay cheered me up a bit lol

[AssisiB]

I know exactly what you mean, I find myself say thing that a lot on here.

I don’t want him for how he has been with me but I miss him and I love him and all he stuff I thought I wanted whilst with him, like my freedom I don’t honk I want now. I just want to feel him but I know it’ll only be a short while before it goes back to the way it always is.

A lovely lady on here told me to google trauma bongs bad it helped. I’m free to chat if you need to sound off.

[AssisiB]

Trauma bonding is a new term to me but I totally understand it. I know where you are coming from because I am exactly he same. Strong some days and weak the others. I feel I am slowly falling back into his trap. He’s being nice and I’m thinking “am I doing the right thing” x

[AssisiB]

Good tip. I came to my mums house, I didn’t feel safe at home. I couldn’t bare being on edge and wondering if he’s going to turn up.

All we do is love these men and they just need more because t isn’t enough

[AssisiB]

Hi Hun,

I feel so bad for hun, I don’t really have any advice to give.

One thing the lovely lady at women’s aid said to me was google mindfulness. I had no clue what it was. I found out that it was meditation. They have videos on YouTube. It’s basically relaxing water noises or music with a voice telling you how to focus and breath. They have different Ines for anxiety, overthinking, worries etc. It help me stop thinking about my situation and the evil things my ex said and did. I listen to it before I go to bed or if I wake in the night. It helps me fall tosleep. I cannot tell you what a godsend this was to me.

You may feel silly at first as I did, I promise you it will help.

All the best and stay strong x

[AssisiB]

Hey confused123,

I’ve made progress! He had my password to find my iPhone. So I went in and removed it. He can now no longer see where I am. Still working on the email one. I don’t really have anything on it he can do anything with.

I’m getting there – slowly but surely

X

[AssisiB]

Hey confused123,

You’re right. It is being bonded like a drug.

I think the list is a good idea. Pro and cons. I think I will do it.

I get so angry and The things he says about me because he has defined me as a person I am not. When he says his s**t it boils my blood and the first thing that you want to do I defend yourself as a person.

Hate that he’s out there saying I’m this and that. Saying I did this and that. When it’s him who has done so much to me and doesn’t even see it or admit it. X

[AssisiB]

Hey confused123,

I’ve only been split up with the man who abused me for over a month. The abuser came to my home and took my phone and found a conversation I had with my friends about the ex boyfriend from (detail removed by moderator) ago, I said he was hot and sweet. So the ex boyfriend abuser put two and two together and made a million. He thinks I’ve been sleeping with the ex from (detail removed by moderator) ago. When all I was doing was talking to my friends about him. I hope I explained myself properly.

X

[AssisiB]

Hey Kip,

I get scared of totally blocking him/no contact because I worry that will anger him and he’ll do the things he’s threatened me with.

X

[AssisiB]

Hey Kip,

I get scared of totally blocking him/no contact because I worry that will anger him and he’ll do the things he’s threatened me with.

[AssisiB]

Thank you for posting this!

I have been doing the exact same thing as you and none of my fiends can understand why. “Just block him, its that easy” oh if only it was….

Then I read Copperflames response and it made sense to me and not feel like the failure I do when I speak to my friends.

Copperflame thank you so so much because you made so much sense to me, you do want to contact with the nice side but that nice side is never there for that long. It’s also annoying when you see them with friends and he’s as sweet as pie.

I start getting upset when I think of him a new girlfriend; how lovely he will be to them and treat them with things. I need a skill that makes me think then of him and how he was with me. But he says that’s not him it’s just because I’m a slag and the way I am with him that he is the way he is. I have thought though, that I know full well none of his exs would have a nice word to say about him but you speak to my exs and they would all give me a good rating on girlfriend advisor (lol)

[AssisiB]

Hahaha I’m sorry to laugh but I thought I was the only one to hear that trash.

Even at the beginning when he was nice I think he “groomed me” he would say and I quote ” I’m not like all the other guys out there. They ALL lie, I never lie so if one day I upset you when you ask me something be prepared for the truth” I was suckered and for ages thought nah he doesn’t lie look at all the truths he has told me.

What a muppet I was, I clever way of making someone think they aren’t a lair. Yes I caught him out on a few. The hairy baboon

[AssisiB]

They manage to say the most wonderful and loving things don’t they…..not.

They have a way to kick us when we are down. I think words are the worse because you can heal from the wounds and no longer see them but the words play in and on an on.

All the best ladies x

[AssisiB]

Hi confused123,

It’s the opposite for my ex. He’s there lavishing in money and a new job where I am hand to mouth.

I think they make us feel bad if they have money or if they don’t.

I started to get angry thinking he could go and do what he wanted when he wanted but then I thought what a sad man he is. I’ve got my two children and now a life I can do what I want with.

So if you want let’s together not think about them if they have nothing or if they have it all because I’m sure they didn’t think about us when they were abusing us. How we now have to live everyday with their nasty nasty words going round and round in our heads. They didn’t care when they raised a hand or headbutt so why the f**k should we care now. (I’m giving you a high five)

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