Hopingforpeace

[Hopingforpeace]

Yes same here, but it is impossible isn’t it.

I have been working hard to try to empower my child but such a lot for them to deal with. Thank you for the tip of looking at it from the reverse when it comes to parties etc; it really helped when I spoke to my child about it.

If you don’t mind me asking what way do you use to communicate with your ex – email or text or both?

[Hopingforpeace]

No third party available. This has been going on for years, I don’t let onto him that he is hurting me. He hates it that I left him & he won’t ever stop.

[Hopingforpeace]

Hi Sunshine2, how are you doing? It takes an incredible amount of strength to go no contact and to stick to it. I am so sorry that you were pressured into agreeing to something you do not want to do. You could block their number so that they are unable to contact you. If you feel you need to reiterate that you want no contact, you could text this first and then block their number. If they try to make contact with you any other way again and you are worried i would advise reporting it to the Police. I understand that that may feel very difficult to do however it may offer you a bit of much needed support and give you a bit of reassurance. If they continue to try and contact you when you have asked them not to it would be deemed as harassment and the police could take action if you wanted them to.

[Hopingforpeace]

Yes this is on email and I only usually check check when I feel I need to but then he sends text asking why I’m not replying but I only check the phone when I feel I need to so then he text a family member expressing concern as I’ve not replied. Then I get email questioning why I didn’t reply and surely I’m not that busy.

[Hopingforpeace]

I don’t have anyone who could act as a third party. I just feel trapped by him. I’ve been dealing with him for years just I feel it’s been worse recently and I’ve had enough but it’s so hard to prove anything.

[Hopingforpeace]

Icecreamsundae, Hetty and KIP, thank you, really appreciate you sharing and your suggestions. Its not a pet name that we had for our children, he calls our child what he called me.

As well as pressuring our child to message him, he has been pushing for more regular contact via video/message but is refusing offers to change actual contact weekends to enable him to see our child when he has been unable to come for whatever reason. His reason for this has now become clear, it is to ensure he has a certain date with our child towards the end of the year. I am gobsmacked, i mean deep down i know he has a vendetta against me, but this is pure control to get at me.

[Hopingforpeace]

I’m keeping a record of everything and have got advice previously and am going to again now. I have been doubting myself but your comments have helped me see that I need to trust my instincts. It’s really difficult isn’t it. He is very covert and to someone who doesn’t understand abuse they won’t see anything wrong with it.

[Hopingforpeace]

It doesn’t feel right and I am concerned about this and some other things. His recent actions, written communication with me and some things I know he has said to our child have made me feel uneasy. I’ve found them triggering. It feels like he is still trying to abuse me via our child.

[Hopingforpeace]

Thank you KIP and at Icecreamsundae. We have regular (detail removed by Moderator) contact too. I have since discovered that it’s him who keeps telling our child to message him and that they can call him if they want to. He has been pushing me to give more contact in form of video calls which I don’t feel comfortable doing and don’t feel it should happen for a number of reasons. Do you mind if I ask at Icecreamsundae if your child’s father calls them by their name or whether he refers to them as something else.

[Hopingforpeace]

Thanks ladies. That’s the problem though I haven’t mentioned abuse to them and they haven’t said their partner is abusive. I suspect it from what they have told me/I’ve seen. I know from what my friend has said previously that they don’t believe they are in a controlling relationship. They said something like they have been in a controlling relationship before and their husband now isn’t controlling in that way. My friend doesn’t know my history as I’ve kept it private.

[Hopingforpeace]

freedomfries1 and justholdingon, the government guidelines do say no visitors, family or friends – so keep your child with you now and you are being compliant with the government measures. There will many father’s not seeing their children for some time.

[Hopingforpeace]

I agree fizzylem. We need to do all we can to protect ourselves and others. It is good that the children will be away from the emotional harm for a while.

[Hopingforpeace]

I have gone through the government measures again and we all need to basically avoid contact with others, not visit family or friends, only visit supermarket if we have to etc. To protect yourself, your child and others, based on the government measures my understanding is that we should put a hold on contact now. I have now done this and offered Skype to maintain contact.

[Hopingforpeace]

Freedomfries01 you can keep your kids with you in accordance with the government measures. please stay home with your children and be safe.

[Hopingforpeace]

I understand but the government have already said to avoid contact with others so you are ok to say so.

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