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Thank you x

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Just feel like I’m sinking

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So now he’s (court related detail removed by moderator)
Why would you do that to your children?

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Thank you as usual ladies you brought me some comfort.
Well I read his response and it was hell as expected. Nothing but denial, lies and accusations followed by ‘(detail removed by moderator)’. Sounds like he never loved me. (detail removed by moderator), I’m truly scared now, I see him as more of a monster than ever before and worry the court will believe him or just not think my concerns are todo with the children and let him have them anyway.
But it’s also made me question parts of the relationship….was I controlling, jealous? Did I treat him badly. I’m worried I did. Not in a good place right now, the loneliness when the kids are asleep is unbearable and I don’t know where to turn

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😘 KIP

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Sorry this sounds like I’ve just completed ignored everything you’ve all suggested. I’m really grateful for your replies…..thank you xxx

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Thank you ladies

I’ve been advised to do the positive/thankful statements each morning but so far the book is empty. My councillor asked me what makes me happy? What do I enjoy? But I just can’t think of anything anymore? It’s fine in the day, my mask is still on, but at night when the kids are asleep and I’m alone I just feel so numb and empty

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Thank you so much for the support. Xxx

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I’m so sorry I’ve missed all this. It sounds absolutely horrific and I totally empathise with you on how confusing and exhausted you must feel.

All the advice is right. You have done nothing wrong. You have left an abusive situation to keep yourself and your kids safe. I really don’t understand if these men do understand what they are doing or if they are just literally crazy but he will never agree, never take responsibility, never say ‘oh yes you were right to leave’, and as you said never say sorry. I am struggling to come to terms with this concept myself so I know exactly where you are right now.
This is not like a normal break up and many people do not get that and unfortunately often women do not get the chance to spill everything that has happened and make people understand. But even if it was a normal break up you would have been quite within your rights to separate form someone if you were not happy, even if he was, so no blame is ever right. (Something I’m trying to remember for the people who don’t know why I’ve left)

I think the contact should go through the courts now and it will take strength but you must put those children first and say to him it’s not safe and he needs to go to court and get an arrangement, then you need to be honest with everyone who talks to you and make sure the access is safe for you all. The no contact thing is harder….I know what you should do as I know what I should do and everyone is telling me too. But I know I can’t and I can’t understand why?
Why do I still need this man who’s hurt me? Why can I not bear to hurt him by blocking him? When I don’t hear from him I’m happy, his messages bring dread and pain, so why can’t I stop them?
I too like you feel such overwhelming guilt. Imagining how sad and lonely I am and thinking of him completely alone is tearing me apart, I just hope I will get there.and I know you will too. Lots of support on here from some superstar women xxxxx

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Wow…..such similar things! I was invited in for a drink by my eldest one day and I get the hand on the arm thing a lot. This week he told me I looked well…..why would you say that with what is going on?!

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Thank you….so nice to know I’m not alone

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Thank you for this

You’ve been my strength in the middle of the night.

One step in front of the other that’s all we can do
Xxx

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Thank you for the support.
I just worry everything wasn’t real and now the momentum of things has passed I’m facingbup to the reality that he wasn’t really abusive? It’s nearly 2am and I just can’t sleep because the pillow next to me is empty. It’s silly as for months this empty pillow has made me so happy

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Oh shipoffools I’m so sorry for your experiences.

I am totally familiar with the feeling of aggression and doing things to stop the grumpy mood ☹️

I gave the non emergency helpline a ring and they arranged an interview from there. Give them a call and have a chat they will be able to advise you xxx

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It worked 😢

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Thanks KIP. I missed a call today from the police so will see what they say.
Oh maddog I’m sorry. It was the one definite rape that made me leave but years of sex that I now feel I was coerced into is not as normal as I thought.

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Ok so I’ve made a start……Unfriended all his family (finding his brother and sister have unfriended me first)……baby steps

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Itwillbeokay I know you know my story.
When I had my cafcass interview she said as the main carer you can stop contact at any point if you are worried it is not in the best interest of the children. X

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Oh gosh, I hope this is wrong. What did your counsellor recommend you do next?
I’m glad you are free and safe, sending you love xxx

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Thank you KIP. So your case did not go any further?? They’ve given me the decision to prosecute. Officer said it would be a horrific experience and his legal team will try pull me to pieces and without any hard evidence it’s just my word against his. Even if they did find him guilty do I want him going to prison and the effect on my children?
Such a complicated decision

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Thank you so much maddog you don’t understand how good that is to hear from someone who has been through this.

Did you suffer repeated rapes or just one? Do you have children? How did this investigation effect his contact with them?

Xxx

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Oh my goodness, I’m so sorry to hear this. How old are they? This is the reason I am fighting so hard right now to stop this happening….thank you for giving me more fight. Sending all my love xxxx

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I hate WhatsApp for that reason too

Might start small with getting rid of his family as friends?

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Thank you so much ladies. You really do help when I need it the most.
I don’t understand why some times this is easy and feels like the best thing I’ve ever done and sometimes I feel like I can’t face any more?
I need to get off Facebook or at least unfriend him but it’s like picking a scab I suppose, you know nothing good is going to come of it!
I’ve had a better week I think. Xxx

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Ijustwanttobefree I could have written a lot of this myself tonight.
I feel like I’m running through sand, just with nowhere to go. Mine has been ordered supervised visits with kids but is now saying this the first he’s heard of my accusations.
Why when I finally have people saying I’m right and they believe me am I still doubting it all was real and not just me making it up?

The guilt is insane and I can just never see me being free?

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I’m not sure.she was undecided as to what to do then said she was going to do that. Been trying to research it.
Has anyone else experience of this?

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Thank you.
It went better than expected. She seemed to understand eveyand I kept it completely focused on the children and how every point related to them.
She has ordered a section 7 which I’m not really sure what that means?

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Thanks maddog and white rose so proud of both of you

White rose, did any of your discussions get logged on his record?

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Thank you all xxxx
Maddog and white rose have you been through this?

Won’t they ask why I didn’t report it before?

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It does sounds an adult thing to say??how old is she if you’re allowed to say?? My little girl lied about where her and brother were sleeping at dads, said she didn’t want me to be upset. I hate that she’s having to try protect me and feeling she has to lie.
Don’t know what to suggest to find out the truth. I’ve spoken to my daughter about it being so important to always tell the truth and not worry about people being cross but it’s so hard to know what they’re being told by these manipulators

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