Fairyliquid

[Fairyliquid]

Please do not feel stupid

Of course when you see glimmers of the person you love and the person you want them to be you will go back. Hope is a powerful thing.

It takes soo many times on average to leave.
You may feel like you can no longer talk to others but keep reaching out here.

We have got you.

Please try and put yourself first. Are your kids safe without you?

Womens aid and refugee will be able to help.

All the best. Keep talking to as many people as you can.

[Fairyliquid]

Hi at Warrior in me.

This sounds awful and definitely abuse.
You can get free support for DV or abuse.
I think through womens aid and refuge.
Consider going to your gp they may also be able to support?
I do not know your financial circumstances, I spoke to a therapist and they offered me a much reduced price once I explained my circumstances.
Its so hard to maintain friends when you need to be there for them constantly and have to cancel plans etc.
When you get out, I am told this gets easier and easier.

Keep talking we are here and listening. sending you as much peace as I can tonight.

[Fairyliquid]

Hi Warrior in me.

The one thing I keep asking myself is does it matter?
I question is it me?
I question is it them?

I have gone to councilling which is helping me not to feel like a failure or someone who is evil.
I have tried to get them to come to couples counciling which is agreed to then used as another thing that they will not do if my behaviour isn’t correct.

I keep asking myself does it matter?
We are both unhappy (or they seem to be as everything I do is wrong).

So whats the point?
If its toxic and has been for so long how are you supposed to recover and trust each other again?

Easier said then done i am still disengaging from my relationship and the amount of times I go back because if I can just be better I won’t loose our life. But we can’t be better than we are and life has got to be easier than this. Because I have let them down, because I am bad or not doing enough. We continue to go back. But what is the point?

Starting to believe that toxic for soo long means that as much as things should be different as much as I want them to be won’t mean that they will be. How many more years do I want to be unhappy?

Maybe talking about me won’t help you but I hope that if you see some parallels or just ask yourself does it matter if it is “only” toxic do you want to live like this anymore?

Massive hugs and keep posting.

[Fairyliquid]

@lostonagoodbook and @123freedom your reply and feelings could be my own too.
I’m not even fully out yet.
I just want things to be easier and to smile (not fake smile) again.

[Fairyliquid]

@ fishnchips Well done. First massive step.
I am still at the beginning of this too. When my therapist said it was abuse I was relieved but cried.

Same pattern for me too, lots and lots of red flags but when I was soo exhausted and tried to leave thats when the mental abuse really kicked in. Its all my fault, if only I was a better person, i destroyed them, how can you do this without fixing all the things you have done etc etc.

In anyone day I doubt what I am being told. Believe I have made it up. Believe I am making it up.

I will order and read that book. Thank you for the sign post.

@Seven@ can you talk to WA i have no experience to advise. I just wanted to know you were heard. There are people here listening.

Sending all massive amount of well wishes and support. Thank you.

[Fairyliquid]

Hi Twitcher

Congratulations (not sure if that is the right thing to say) however you should be so proud of yourself on being so courageous to get to a point where you are almost out.

Thank you for your message. It helps not to feel like a complete nutcase.

Thank you I will keep posting. Everyone here is lovely.

[Fairyliquid]

My current councilor has repeatedly told me its abuse.
She is a domestic abuse specialist but she did tell me week one.
I cried with relief that it wasn’t me and I wasn’t mad.
However I do worry that I have gasslighted her to validate my own reasoning. However I am beginning to notice what part of my brain is my partners voice and what is mine.

[Fairyliquid]

You are not alone please remember that..

I was called a selfish prick who always let’s my partner down. I was (removed by moderator) rather than stayed in to talk to my partner on phone.

They had been away with work and had been working hard and partying all weekend. But because I was busy when they were then free problem.

I keep telling myself the same thing… someone that truly loves you wants you to excel at things even if they have to take a backseat hear and there.
Not for you to be expected to do everything around their needs and social timetable

[Fairyliquid]

Keep reaching out.
There are lots of people on here that can relate.
Is it possible for you to try and go to a local social meet up, art class or bookclub. Somewhere where you don’t have to talk about homelife but where you can get some positive low maintenance interactions. Something where if things are bad at home and you can’t go it won’t be a problem. I understand that having commitments is hard when the relationship can make you flakey.

[Fairyliquid]

I am no expert,

It is surely safe for you to take the children out. Do most other mums where you live.

Perhaps your partner needs to see a therapist or something. Perhaps his fear is valid in him?
Otherwise he is using your fears against you to trap you which has got to be coercive control.

[Fairyliquid]

Hi Galabee,

Thats always where my head is.
Have I told their side,
Do I only reach out when upset so friends and family and therapist only hear one side.

So when they say its abuse I find it so difficult to believe.

Especially when I am made to believe “embellish my truth so that no one else knows the real truth”.

Its helpful to know there are other people in the same situation.
Not as lonely

[Author]

Posts