gold for a king

[gold for a king]

Ok thanks KIP, I wanted to say that I wasn’t strong. I let it get to a breaking point where I HAD to leave. There was no other option I could see. If I was strong I wouldn’t have let it get to that stage. It’s been years now and I still feel so weak but stronger than yesterday. Negative things can still push me over the edge but less than they used to. Onwards and upwards.

I just wanted to say that being strong is so so tough.

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I’m very sorry, I was just so angry I couldn’t relax let alone sleep. I read the posts and was just about to write something helpful and all that came out was anger. At least it was only just one sentence.

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Can everyone STOP being attracted to abusers or is that too much to ask? Aaarcccchhhh!

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Hi surviving, I think you should report it to the school. If they see this behaviour pattern then they have a duty to report it to to the social team anyway and they have more weight. Really they should have listened to you but they can’t ignore a school. Don’t ever try to coach or encourage the child to say anything or tell lies, only just say to tell the truth. The father is already teaching to lie and it can be hard for an inexperienced social worker to unravel one set of lies rather than two.

I agree with White rose, you really need to speak to a caseworker, they will sort it. I think it was ten or twenty years ago they made all social workers manage their own cases though but I could be wrong and it does depend on your county. Good luck though and don’t give up.

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You can never be the person that you was. I can never be the nieve 24year old that I was. But I’m more clued up. Life will always damage you. Time is always a healer. Age gains wisdom. The more you learn the easier it gets.

This whole thing brings me to my grandma. She is was in her late 90’s when her abusive husband (my grandad) died. She is registered blind, wears a hearing aid and now has lost the feeling in her fingers which is very important for someone blind because they use this to compensate for the loss of sight.

She has problems enjoying her freedom because of her age but she’s still going.

When my grandad died they said that he was very abusive and that the worse thing was that he didn’t die sooner for the sake of my grandma. It has always been thought by my family that there is an evil streak in my family. My dad had it worse but my aunt and my sister has a bit of it watered down. I was told that it skipped me completely. The ones affected said at the funeral that there is a part of him in all of us.

I may not have my grandad’s evil but I’ve come to realise that I have my grandmas spirit. I’ve always wondered where I get my strength. When she dies I’ll say to everyone that we all have a part of her in us as well.

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Hi Existing Soul,

You have to be strong in this world especially if you are women Pakistani. I hope you are having a good day. Where you subjected to arranged marriages?

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You’ve just done something really great for your son, that’s a strong role model.

You know the people that kept you down are just losers.

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Don’t kill yourself but ask him what songs he would like to be played at his funaral and if he wants to be buried or cremated. Take notes and reasure him you will do your best to respect his wishes. It’s only fair don’t you think?

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Hi Eve1, you can contact the credit card companies and tell them you can’t afford the interest anymore. This will freeze the debt so you won’t be able to use the cards again but shouldn’t affect your credit score. You then just agree to pay a small amount each month to repay the outstanding amount without the crippling interest rates.

Maybe talk to your employer and let them know you would be interested in a office job if any such opportunity comes up in the future. When you get yourself properly sorted you will do much better than you did when you were with your abuser because you are infinitely happier than before.

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Hi Supermum, I hope you find a way for you and your kids to leave. If you are not already doing this you should keep a diary of all the times he is horrible to you and your kids. Make a note of the date and time of each incident. Take pictures on your phone of any signes of abuse or outbursts. Pop your phone on record if there are any signs of trouble. Document as much as you can so when the time comes you are prepared. Think about getting a heavy duty gorilla case for your phone in case he smashes that up too. Tell your kids you are proud of them for reporting his behaviour to the school. Good luck xx

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I used to sell cosmetics as a rep for a well known company and I got a lot out of it. Being able to work as much or as little as I wanted was great. Getting out and about but never too far from home was ideal. I only did it to meet other women in my local area even if it was only briefly. I didn’t have to worry if I messed things up because it was only make-up after all which gave some relief from the stress at home. I packed it in when the domestic abuse got bad but it gave me a lot of confidence which I fell back on after I left my abuser.

When I left I went on JSA but after only 2 days they put me on Enterprise Allowance for self employment. I told them that I was drawing and painting and they helped me make a business plan. I got £65 per week for the first 13 weeks and £33pw for the second 13 weeks on top of £53pw working tax credit. It was a lot more than JSA and part of the deal was that I could keep any profits and they wouldn’t hassle me to go into employment. Really I used the 26weeks as a break and the drawing and painting as a therapeutic hobby.

After the 26 weeks was up I only received the £53pw working tax credit so I used the skills and confidence I gained from selling as a rep to set up my own business working from home. It was tough but I managed to do it gradually getting myself into full paying work.

Hope that helps in some way.

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Thanks KIP and Anewbreath. I have looked at the counselling directory, very interesting what can be offered to private patients. I thought it was a lot more expensive. I know that if you want advice from a lawyer it starts from £200 per hour so I presumed it would be in the same ballpark. Counselling is within budget and I’m really starting think it could help lift me back into high spirits.

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Thanks Summerday, great advice. I was going to the gym up until recently and that really helped with the drinking. As long as I made sure I ate as soon as I got home from the gym because if there was any alcohol in the house then my body would seriously crave the calories from it. I don’t drink heavily when I’m with other people just when at home on my own and consumed with my own thoughts. You are right it controls you, you have so much more time when you don’t drink. I will try to make an effort to get back into this routine again.

I like your rules. Be assertive and tell people clearly what you like and what you disslike. Understand where your boundries are and be clear to others where they lie.

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Hi freedomtochoose. even though you have a disability it’s still possible.

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Hi Confused123, I’ve not got round to putting my story on yet but I will do when I can. I didn’t deal with things emotionally because I zone out whenever I have too much on my mind. It makes me more focused and able to get things done but it can lead to problems in the long run. I suppose everyone copes in different ways.

I tried the on-line dating early on when I wasn’t really ready for any dating but I found it quite useful anyway. Just filling out my profile section made me understand that all the years stuck in a bad relationship meant that I hadn’t properly developed my likes and dislikes or my interests and hobbies. Everything was always about him and his friends and what he wanted to do. Suddenly when he was no longer in my life there was lots to do in developing myself as a person. I think only when you have done that you can enter into a new relationship with something real to offer someone else instead of just the used up you from the last relationship.

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