journeyupwards

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I don’t regret a thing now!

I’m not fully recovered, and I had multiple abusive relationships, but my pattern of recovery generally goes as follows:

1) identify abuse

2) Leave abuser

3) Confusion: Back & forth, wondering whether there was abuse at all, whether I’m overreacting or making it up. (But when I write it down it helps me to see what happened objectively)
Wondering whether I’m the “bad” one, or if they are. Sometimes when I see them as bad, I have fantasies of revenge.
In this phase I sometimes go back to my abuser.

4) Blocking them out of my mind: I forget about the abuser, and when I think of them there is no emotional attachment. I don’t have a negative reaction, as I should to abuse, but I don’t want to go back to them either. When I really think about the abuse or write it down, I do have quite a negative reaction.

5) I see them as bad, on a pretty consistent basis. I do not desire to go back to them. Sometimes involves fantasies of revenge, but evolves into just wanting to move on with my own life and not think about them anymore, as they have already controlled me enough. In this phase, I still suffer a lot of mental health issues as a result of abuse.

I am still at stage 5 but I hope to keep moving forwards! I have medication and am starting therapy for my diagnosed CPTSD.

This is just my personal tale of recovery, but ultimately, no I don’t regret escaping anymore now that I am more recovered. Best of luck to all of you on your journey of recovery

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Ah it’s amazing to hear that there is light at the end of the tunnel and that you’re getting there! It gives me a lot of hope. I had thought that I was permanently brain damaged. Thank you for the advice, I’m getting help from the university now and also am getting a course of therapy set up.

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Thank you so much for sharing this – I am going to write these qualities down and work our ways in which I can act on them!

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Stay strong and keep moving forward – you are taking huge steps in the right direction and you should be very proud of yourself.

We are all here to support you and help motivate you.

Onwards and upwards to a brighter future – and I hope that you can also find the positive things that are in the present.

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Well done! What an empowering step forward! This made me laugh too, I’m glad you shared it with us.

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Well done! You should be really proud of yourself for every step you take in the right direction, no matter how big or small.

It’s also so good that you already feel better in yourself! Definitely something worth celebrating, and I’m glad that you shared this with us.

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Thank you so much for your useful message! It’s really encouraging to hear that my experience isn’t uncommon.

I can very much relate to your message – I haven’t been able to stop talking about my experiences either, and have written down/ typed out a huge amount to stop myself talking about the abuse to my friends and family all the time. This phase was so intense that I thought I was experiencing hypomania/ mania with anxiety symptoms!

I will definitely try to find a specialised counsellor, as you have advised.

Thank you so much for your help

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Thank you! I’m so glad that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

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Thank you so much for your message and the book recommendations, I will buy one now!

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Thank you so much for your encouraging message maddog, it’s really nice to speak to people who fully understand my situation whilst I am waiting upon more professional help. I will continue to write down my experience and will check out some helpful videos.

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