Hsjslehdhd

[Hsjslehdhd]

Thank you everyone I really appreciate your reply and words of strength. I’m still standing my ground. He of course continued his usual harassment and this time I didnt stand for it and reported it. I’m still struggling to feel anything other than anxiety. I just can’t seem to process it all. The next couple of months are going to be so hard. I hope your all doing well and you are all so unbelievably strong 💪 💗

[Hsjslehdhd]

We often forget when being in an abusive relationship for a while that actually people leave relationships all the time for various reasons and sometimes just because they want to and aren’t happy. We don’t even need a reason other than that we dont want to be in the relationship anymore.

I made the mistake of staying for the same reason for a long time. I actually thought that I couldn’t leave unless I did it straight away after he had lost it bad and if I didn’t do it quick enough or the his espisode wasn’t bad enough I had to wait until the next time. Years and years passed, the abuse just got worse and each time I just moved my boundaries so I believed it needed to be worse before I left it will get worse but you do not have to wait for that.

Don’t underestimate emotional abuse and control. In my personal experience I found that the worst part of my abuse. Abuse comes in lots of forms, he does not need to hit you to be an abuser. You are being abused regardless of if hes physical or not.

I hope you find the strength to ring the helpline, the first step is always the hardest but they are so helpful and supportive and can advice you how to get out safely.

[Hsjslehdhd]

Firstly I’m so sorry to hear your chikd is poorly, I hope they get better soon!

Unfortunately he will use any excuse available to get what they want and regain control. He is using the fact your child is poorly to get to you , it’s a very clear indication of his character and how low he will stoop. He knows your vunerable right now and thinks its his chance.I’m so sorry for what you are going through! Stand your ground, keep your boundaries in place, I know that’s really hard during a time like this. You are doing the right thing by ignoring any messages of that nature from him. I would do the same and only reply to him about your children and what you absolutely have to reply to.

I really hope things get better for you soon, your doing so amazing! Stay strong

[Hsjslehdhd]

Yes its on purpose and no your not going mad, it’s all part of his control. It’s very typical for an abuser to do this especially over things like us going out. It won’t really matter if you go out or not now, hes already decided hes got a problem with it so like others have said expect a reaction either way.

There is no reasoning with them over stuff like this, they make no sense on purpose, it’s a tatic. Whether its a conscience one or not, trust tourself always, you are the one in the right mind not him

[Hsjslehdhd]

Yes, too many times.

I’ve always regretted it pretty much straight away but then felt obliged to stay because he was being so nice. Then it would start to slowly build up, then he would blow and it would be worse than the last time and the more I stayed the more the abuse would intensify and the time beween the blow ups would be less.

It’s very hard to not go back because they make us believe we need them, my whole body wants nothing more than to be with him. It’s hard to tell ourselves that we can’t listen to our own body and heart, that they are wrong but it is because it’s been trained by him to feel this way. With time and support it will get easier, we have to claim back our own mind and heart, to change our mindset completely. What you are feeling is completely normal but you have to fight them feelings because he will never change. Every word he says and everything he does is just another play for him, theres no meaning behind it ither than to regain control and get what he wants which is you back.

The longest I left was for (detail removed by Moderator) months before I went back and it was the biggest mistake I ever made.

I’m determined this time to never go back

[Hsjslehdhd]

I’m glad you all took something positive from my post.

I know how extremely difficult it is, every day is a battle.

I know all to well about the police not being as supportive as they should, when I tried to leave years ago they didn’t take me seriously, they offered no support or referrals to agencys that could help me and I didn’t even know they existed back then, I didn’t even recognize it was abuse I just knew he was hurting me and I needed help. They literally did nothing, I tried to do it on my own and even moved to a new area but he continued to harrass me everyday for (detail removed by Moderator) months, some days I had up to a 100 missed calls and 50 idd texts (we had a child together so I had to keep in contact for visits etc). He found where I lived and would show up whenever he felt like it.

I showed the police and pleaded with them for help and they did nothing. I completely lost faith in them after that and didn’t dare ring them ever again until before Christmas.

I rang out of pure fear, I wasn’t thinking and I’m glad I wasn’t. The police have now had special training for domestic abuse and are in close contact with agencys that can help, there is so much more support than there used to be. They were completely different this time round.

I’m still taking every day as it comes and I have a long way to go yet, it’s not easy even with all the support but I’m heading in the right direction now and the help and support is keeping my head above water.

If anyone ever needs to talk I’m always here, feel free to message me at any time. I’m not always on here but I’ll always get back to you when I can.

Sending lots of strength

[Hsjslehdhd]

Hi twisted sister,

Thank you for your reply and help.

They aren’t old enough for a phone etc yet but it’s definitely something I’ll keep in mind for the future.

I have offered a set schedule for contact and offered quite a lot of contact for him and the children. (detail removed by moderator). He is sticking to the times sort of at the moment but also ringing on the days inbetween for facetime with the kids which I wouldn’t mind of he didn’t ask my oldest to put mummy on, or ask me questions throughout the phone calls. It’s becoming exhausting because it means I don’t have one day of the week for just me and the kids without being harrassed. Hopefully he will learn that my boundaries aren’t budging soon and back off. I left before though and he continued everyday for (detail removed by moderator) before I gave in because I couldn’t take it anymore, I’m really hoping this time he will stop.

I’m definitely going to get a new number and just keep the old one to arrange contact, at least I can just leave the old one at home sometimes then and get a break.

I’m considering not telling him my new address and just doing pick up and collecting myself or through my mums address but not sure if I’m allowed to do that.

Thanks again for your advice!

[Hsjslehdhd]

Hi,

I’m so sorry to hear you are going through something similar. This stage is so hard, I’m struggling to process everything at the moment. It’s the waiting and the uncertainty that is getting me the most, I’m really struggling with anxiety and I can’t cope with not knowing what’s going to happen. I’ve got a few things to focus on this next week so I’m hoping keeping busy will help.

We have to take pride in standing up for ourselves, it’s so scary but it will be worth it in the end. Well done for getting some support in place! Thats amazing! Support is so so important, the more the better, I’m trying to take as much support as I can possibly get this time and it’s definitely helping.

Sending lots of strength❤

[Hsjslehdhd]

Hi, thank you so much for your reply. You’ve definitely hit the nail on the head, so so fast and overwhelming. I feel like so much was happening in the beginning I didn’t have chance to breathe even and I was running on pure adrenaline and now I’ve run out of energy and just crashed.

I have started writing a journal this past week and it is helping. Unfortunately I dont have one from when we were together, I was too worried about him finding it.

I’ve heard about trauma bonding, it’s definitely something I’m going to look more into.

I have a DA support worker but she seems to of backed off since I’ve took her advice and got more help from the police. She was ringing me every day but now shes not called in about a week. I might call her tomorrow, I always feel better afterwards.

Thank you❤

[Hsjslehdhd]

Thank you for your reply.

Your explanation makes so much sense.

It’s really hit home with me after reading it why I feel the way I do and it is natural to feel this way but he didn’t have that empathy for me and that’s why we are at where we are right now.

Yes so much fear and so many tears while he around. Now I just feel either numb or anxious and worried constantly. I can’t seem to process any of it, I haven’t cried and can’t cry its so strange.

Thank you it gives me hope to know them ties will eventually break and I’ll finally feel free❤

[Hsjslehdhd]

Thank you so much! Your completely right, his actions have brought us to where we are right now, he could of stopped, he could of listened to the warning he was offered first by the police but he didn’t so it’s now been taken out of my hands. Sometimes I seem to forget that his actions have caused all of this and he could of prevented it, I just hate confrontation or doing anything that upsets anybody to be honest especially him. I’ve never stuck up for myself against him like this before and it feels so unnatural.

I think I’m just going through a wobble at the moment, I’m hoping I’ll feel better soon.

Thanks again, I really appreciate your taking the time to reply to me❤

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