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it doesn’t help that I hate hate hate talking on the phone, not sure why. I have to pace around the house and cant stand still while talking. I can feel my heart pounding when I start to dial. I also get more tongue tied and mix up my sentences. don’t get me started on when people ring me!
I prefer face to face or even better e-mails/text. but for the free legal advice I have to ring.

I have read that book “why does he do that” its on my work computer and I open it up when needed. I know what I need to do, I know what I should do. but its taking that final step and knowing that this could be the end of it (also the beginning of a very stressful fight).

i’m not sure if I’m waiting for that ‘final’ fight or incident from husband. he knows I don’t want him there, I have told him to leave. he did leave and then asked to come back, I said no. but he still came back anyway. he has as much right to the house as I do. this year there has been 4 arguments bad enough for the relationship to end, but he is refusing. he still thinks we can work through things. saying I am giving up on the relationship. I am, and for good reasons, that’s what I keep telling myself.

I have been able to get my name of the joint account, and hoping to buy my own car soon. so we don’t have to share. soon the only thing that will link us finically will be the house. but I need him to leave, to sort out what I’m entitled to to show that I can afford it on my own. in fact I will be better off without him there as I wont need to pay for things that he needs. but I can prove that or buy him out while he is still here.

thank you all for listening.

[LookingForAnswers]

when you phone 101 they give your details to the DV section, you can tell them a safe time to call back.
they are so helpful and kind and easy to talk to.
at first they will just talk and go through a couple of questions. then they will go through the options with you.
its so hard to ring, but I’m so glad I did. with me they haven’t spoken to my husband, I was concerned about his reaction and I’m not quite ready to leave/kick him out (I can feel it coming though) and they have a record of it. I also handed over my ‘story’ that I had typed up and they have that on record as well.
they told me if at any time I feel threated to ring 999 and a unit will come to help.
although I was panicky before I spoke to them I now feel a little safer knowing that if I need them they already know about me.

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I hate it, I just want to scream at him to go back to normal, I can deal with that.
now I have to work out if and when I have enough strength to go trough with a non mol. I might wait for a month or two, give him a chance to find somewhere, but if his not looking I’ll have to do it.

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my husband says this to me as well.
that things he have done are in the past and I should stop bring them up. he says that either he doesn’t know why he did those things or it was only because he was angry. like it makes everything better.

just know that this is part of this game, to keep you off balance. we are so strong, we just need to see it and work with it to help us get out.

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I received a phone call from the police officer yesterday.
she said she spoke to her Sargent and they have agreed that it will be class as a ‘non criminal domestic incident’ (or something like that) this means they wont be talking to him as I had shown concern over his reaction. But everything I said has been logged and recorded. she told me that any time I feel threaten to ring 999 and a unit will come out to me. then hopefully they will be able to do something/talk to him.
I feel a little relieved that they are not talking to him, but I had been going over what I would do/say to him if they did.
now I have got to find the strength to ring 999 if needed. I have only phoned 999 twice in my life and both times for an ambulance. I just feel like I’m wasting there time.
we are fully in that honeymoon period where he is being nice and helpful and keeping his distance. but instead of it winning me over I just think that this is what he should of been doing all the time, and if he can do it know why cant he do it all the time? justifying how I feel.

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at the moment this is very much me.
im at work and have no focus. I cant really take any time off as recently had a load (unrelated) and OH will want to know why.
even writing this is hard.
use to read, bake just nothing at the moment.

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I sat down 2-3 weeks ago and started from the beginning, anything that at the time didn’t feel right but I brushed off. I am currently up to 16 pages, over 10500 words. that had been my biggest eye opener, and had cleared some of the FOG. I haven’t written so much on how it makes me feel.

KIP that last bit made me smile, you are right. its a scary thought that I can feel worse, but preparing for it will hopefully help.

and picturing it as a rough sea is a good picture, sometimes I do feel like im drowning or slipping down and then I grab out and manage to cling on.

I had to stay away from him, he was trying to have ‘normal’ conversions and I started to fall for it, so needed that space.

I will keep my kids safe at all costs, my phone is never far from me. although he said he would never hit me, he hasn’t been angry since that night out (im sure my mum being there stopped anything happening) I have promised myself if/when he does become angry because im not backing down I will ring the police. I have started the process with them.

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so after a crappy horrible weekend, where I tried to keep away from him as much as possible, I’m doubting myself again!! it couldn’t of been that bad, I can’t be in that much danger… I cant believe it.

But I have phoned 101 back and they will give me a ring again during work hours to talk to them, I have rung WA and my worker will give me a ring so I can talk about what happened and what to do now.

I have written down what happened and adding more info as I’m able to process it. so that is keeping the doubts at bay.

what I didn’t add, or have the chance to say, was I sat down with my friend at work and told her a little of what was going on. she was shock and surprised, but said she was here for me whenever I need her. it felt so good to tell another person, I think that help give me strength and not give in.

i feel so tried, and eating seems such a chore at the moment. I’m normally a stress eater, scoff anything in sight.

[LookingForAnswers]

Thank you everyone, today has been a distressing and emotional and I’m exhausted.
He came back at 4:30 this morning, I had very little sleep leading up to this, every notice was making me jump. When he came in he asked why I hadn’t stopped him and was trying to make things better again. Somehow I stayed strong and didn’t give in. He is still here through as he claims he has equal right to the house. When I rang 101 last week they confirmed this. But said someone would ring me up to see how they could help.
I went to bed at 5:30 after a very hard talk, I could hear him crying downstairs.
Was up at 7 with the kids, eldest didn’t wake up till later. I made sure I went up and had a word with him to say that daddy had come back. He asked why and was he going again, I answered the best I could. He was very confused. The rest of the morning I didn’t speak to OH and he sat there with tears in his eyes, took the kids out for last min school stuff. As we were leaving OH was crying again saying goodbye and the kids got very upset. I thought he was leaving again, but when we got back he was still here.
After I put youngest to bed for a nap I stayed upstairs, OH came up soon after and said he was very sorry for coursing me this much pain. He has never seen me like this, and didn’t realise who bad he was or how far he had pushed me. And I wouldn’t notice him being here during the week (no idea what this means) He also said that he hopes we could become friends again in the future. Once he left I broke down and fell asleep.
The rest of the day has been strange, he is helping and being the nice dad/husband. I have tried to keep my distance.
I got a phone call back from 101, but haven’t had the time or space to ring them back. I also have a meeting with my WA lady early this week, so will talk through options then. Reading what you lot have put I’m still in denial with how much danger I might be in. If I ring 101 would they really take me seriously, and what could they do? Make him leave? I don’t want it to make it worse.
I’m laying in bed and my head is swimming. I know I will stay strong enough for the relationship to remain finished, but I don’t know if I have the strength to make him leave.

[LookingForAnswers]

He is already asking to comeback.

[LookingForAnswers]

he has already said this to me.

I try not to laugh to load but ask how many times has he got up during the night? wake up early at the weekend? holidays has he willingly taken off during term time? who cooks for them, takes them to bed? makes appointments for the docs.

if it comes up again, I might just turn around and say try it.

he also says I need to take some of the blame, its not all him, he is not the bad guy, and im not the victim. I ask does he have any ideas/proof of what I have done wrong, and if he can I will except it. the only one that has some truth to it is I’m not willing to try and make things better. I think I can except that one.

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I think there should be a breakup bingo card game, because I believe Husband is ticking every box.
his being nice and helpful. Getting youngest changed for bed, doing dinner, trying to start light conversion. Generally acting reasonable. I think before at this stage i would of started to daubt myself, but not this time.
When we next talk about the relationship and where its going he will bring up how nice, good n dhelpful he is being and that he is trying to change. My reply will be, if you could do it know, you could of done it before, so you chose not too.
Thank you ladies, you truely have given my the strength to end this relationship.

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I think I might have told him a little too much. I let slip that I have been talking to someone. I didn’t say who, but that will probably come up again, so got to be more careful.
He will try to say that I am being mind washed by someone, that I should think for myself. the Police did say they might have to talk to him, and if they do I know he will turn that around against me, again saying who has put these thought in your head. (he is the type that if something is ‘for the women/ women’s right’ he will comment that they don’t have it that bad, and to stop going on about it)
I have a word documents that I have started to list things down on, and I am up to 14 pages and nearly 10,000 words. that has been the biggest eye opener for me, that I didn’t see things for what they were, or if I did I just made excuses for it.

I know I was under his control, and coming to terms with that will be hard. and I am kind of putting it of until I have sorted other things out. but know I will have to at some point. I know there is a counseling team in my town, and they said I can reefer myself at anytime, just cant do it at the same time as working with Women’s Aid.

[LookingForAnswers]

Thank you all. this group has already been so helpful, and I am so grateful I found it when I did.

I am drinking, its about all I can manage at the moment. I have lunch with me which is full of fruit, so making sure when I do eat its full of everything I need. I have already lost weight because of this, but looking at it in a good way, that might not be a bad thing, I have a few stone to lose anyway.

moving in with my mum isn’t really an option unless in an emergency. this might be removed but she lives on a canal boat, so rocking up with 3 kids isn’t the best move, but if needed I can. mum has also said she will stay the night whenever I need her. The friends I do have are either friends to my kids or work friends that live in a 1 bed or studio, so fine if just me, but with kids I don’t think it will work.

when he has been talking to me and making all these promises it feels like he is reading from a script, he might have tears and showing emotion, but from what I have read on here, its almost word or word.
when I spoke with 101 they said if at anytime I feel threatened then I should get myself and kids in a safe place, ring and they will come straight away. So making sure my phone is fully charged and with me as much as possible. it makes me so sad that I have to think like that.

I have surprised myself with how calm I am. I do have moments of panic, but I have them under control. if they get any worse I will make an appointment with my GP.

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Us e this time to plan your way out

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