newlife2015

[newlife2015]

Thank you Healthyarchive – I will have a look now – thank you x

[newlife2015]

Thank you all for all your support and advice xx
I have attended the Freedom Programme (about three months after I escaped) and I am reading one book or website after the other but I am still finding that I always still think the best of him when he is being Mr NiceGuy and I get drawn back in and then gradually his texts, emails, calls build up and before I know it he is back in my life! My family and my new partner are concerned but I often think he is ‘not that bad’ and think they are making a bit of a deal over nothing but I was with him for quite a long time so I think I am used to some of his general behaviour that I actually think that is good for him! I might see if I cant arrange some counselling and learn to set some more healthy boundaries that I can stick to!

[newlife2015]

COngratulations on your new home – enjoy your new life xx

[newlife2015]

Thanks Duck – well done for staying so strong. He has tried to be so reasonable over Easter but I am trying my best to keep contact limited 🙂

[newlife2015]

Makes me feel weak and guilty every time (even when I remember everything he has done) – he is SO manipulative and has an answer/excuse for everything. He said this morning that during our marriage he was being honest with e all along i.e. he told me about the other woman (in detail) only because he was caught out – apparently this shows he is not a bad person and he is honest although plenty of other men would have kept it secret! I mentioned a few other incidents that happened and the daily following me around and he said they were only because he wanted to talk to me! And he was stressed as he did everything! (even though I worked full-time). Basically he minimised everything as normal!

[newlife2015]

Thanks Confused123 – got caught out this week dropping something of the children’s through his door- he is trying to make out that he is Mr Goodguy and trying to make me feel guilty for everything that he brought on himself in the first place! His words are going around and round in my head even after a ten minute conversation (although I wouldn’t really say conversation as he was doing most of the talking – as normal!).

[newlife2015]

Thank you all for your great advice – know in my heart of hearts that you are all right so I will continue to stand my ground – just find that some days I am stronger to resist than others! Thank you all xxx

[newlife2015]

Thank you Confused123 – I did decline as soon as he mentioned it but ever since I have been worrying about it! When he gets the chance to talk to me he keeps taking as if we are ‘friends’ and everything in the past is in the past (almost like it has never happened!) and we need to be friends for the sake of the children etc so just feel really guilty (even though I know it is his game playing!). As far as I am concerned everything for kids can be sorted out on text and email 🙂

[newlife2015]

Thank you everyone – I know you are all right – I just feel this really strong pull towards him when he is being reasonable like this! If any of you were asking the same question I would be saying don’t meet and let him get inside your head so I don’t know why it is so difficult to follow my own advice! Hope you are all well and thank you for taking the time to let me have your words of wisdom 🙂

[newlife2015]

You are doing so well and you are so strong but it is completely normal to have off days every now and then but overall you have made such brilliant progress – I think we panic that we are going back ‘there’ and never want to feel that pain and stress again so we immediately panic. For me, I am finding that time for myself is important (not always easy with young children) so when I do not have the children I am keeping nights free to sit in my PJs or go to my slimming group – just for ME! For me it is a MUST that I get as much sleep as possible – as soon as I start to get tired I can feel the anxiety starting to gather momentum and the overthinking starts to play havoc. Lots of long hot baths, and colouring books help too – I like to read but sometimes on my more anxious days or weeks this is a bit tricky to concentrate enough! Stay strong – remember it is normal for everyone to have off days but overall – think back to how it was before you ‘escaped’ and you will realise how far you and your children have come. 🙂

[newlife2015]

Ignore this post – sorry posted in wrong place! Doglover99 – this response was for you 🙂

[newlife2015]

I would probably advise against meeting him, especially as it has only been a few weeks – remember why you left – I have fallen for this trap a few times and he just gets into my head emotionally and makes me feel guilty for leaving etc – it has definitely delayed my recovery – the least contact the better – as you know they have a way of twisting any conversation. If you do meet him, meet him with someone else there if this is possible? Stay safe x

[newlife2015]

Well done for finding the support of this site – the biggest thing is realising the situation that you are in – I was in ‘denial’ for years and even when it was spelt out to me by a counsellor I went to see it took me a few weeks to come to terms with it (I went to see a counsellor as I didn’t feel that things were ‘quite’ right). Good luck moving forward x
PLease try to take as much support as you can – WOmans Aid have been fantastic for me as well as reading up information on controlling behaviour online and in books – the more knowledge you can get the better and the least contact you can have with them when you have managed to get away the better 🙂 Good luck and stay strong xxxx

[newlife2015]

Hope all went well x

[newlife2015]

I wish I had told ‘our’ friends and neighbours exactly what my ex was like when I left him (because he kept promising to move out but never did the decent thing) – since I moved out I have lost many so called friends but I know it is because he has manipultated the truth and played the victim and they will all have thought ‘poor him’ as I left unannounced one day (with the advice and support from Womans Aid) so he played the victim! However, I do know that the few friends that I have left are real friends now which is great x

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