new survivor

[new survivor]

Thank you for your understanding and advice

💕💕

[new survivor]

Hello

Thank you for your support and understanding as well as ways to do things.

Reading your posts and seeing how strong you are and how you are on the other side of it all.

Thank you for sharing.

Xx

[new survivor]

Thank you that is what I need to learn to do.

I need to shut him out and learn to do something for me.

Is hard because I do not really have any friends and feel alone a lot of the time.

I will get there in time.

Thanks xx

[new survivor]

Thank you I will look for that poem now.

I just feel so exhausted and energyless. I go to bed early but wake up feeling like I haven’t slept.

I just want some of this to be over and to feel strong. I was doing ok but have gone backwards. I went to the Dr about how I was feeling and got told not surprised with all that is going on.

I think what got me was when he said that I am untrustworthy and a liar and my word doesn’t count for anything. He has really upset with it as bond of this would be happening without all his lies and cheating.

I just want to feel better.

Thanks xx

[new survivor]

Thank you ladies your responses have helped me out and it is tough to get through and to see the light at the end of the tunnel and that things will get better.

I am hoping that I will get stronger and will see how strong I have been to leave and stay out of it and not go back. It took a long time to leave but know that I did right. It hurts me so much to see him with another woman and to see how happy he is in the life he is leading whereas it is an effort every day for me to get up and carry out my everyday activities.We have limited contact and only speak when we have to.

I worry about what other people are saying but they do not understand what it is that is happening and what have been through. I wish there were people on here who were closer and could meet to chat as you all understand with being in relationshops where you have been abused and understand the good and the bad.

xx

[new survivor]

Thank You to you all for your support over these past days.

It means a lot to me knowing that there are people that I can speak to on here about how I am feeling and to have people who understand what I am going through and to not say just get on with it and get over it as it is now in the past.

I am going to take your advice that has been given.

I have spoken with my solicitor and just trying to get things moving now but he is still being hesitant with it all and trying to keep that control ball swinging his way.

I saw him (detail removed by moderator) with his new girlfriend and he completely blanked me as if he had not seen me but looked straight at me. This is the girl who he had cheated on me with and then said that he had been at home. Is one lie after another with him and then tried to pull the card that he had been feeling really down. It then started a catalogue of thoughts and was he already seeing this girl? Was it more than he said it was? It just all opened it back up again with what he has put me through and makes me feel so sad, and angry at the same time.

I just have so much pain right now and keep putting on a brave face so that people think that I am ok although deep down inside I am hurting so much. I am sat here upset as I am writing this post as the can of worms has been opened again.

I look at myself and think that it is bad to feel like this with so much going on in the world that is bad and seeing the world this week and how everyone has been affected (detail removed by moderator)  has been hard especially with little ones who are struggling to understand what is happening and worrying are they safe.

I just want him to stop and to realise that he has hurt me enough now and that he needs to give me what I want.

I just want something to look forward to in my life and to be able to feel strong again.

Many thanks to you all for your words, support and listening to me. It means a lot to be able to speak about how I am feeling on here and to have people who understand what we feel.

xxx

[new survivor]

Thank you to you all.

Got the letter from the solicitor (detail removed by moderator). It is horrible and fire fighting all the time.

I am just so exhausted with it all and fed up of being upset

Xxx

[new survivor]

Hi sunshine rain flower,

Thank You for your message. I appreciate your support.

I just get to the point each time that I am going to pick up the phone and think I just cannot do it. I feel that there are people who are worse off than me. I know that I need to do it and wish the people on here were there as know that they would help me to get through it all. The sad thing is that my friends have neglected me since I ended my marriage 🙁 they have not been there for me at all and when I have seen them which is once they slated me for bad choices which I have made in life. It was horrible and was like going through the abuse all over again. There is not anyone who I have who would do that, I have been going through all this on my own and just trying my best to get through all that I can and getting through each day. It makes me feel so sad when I think about it as I am always the person who they come to when they need something and will go running as soon as they ask but none of them have helped me or asked if I am ok.

I just feel that I need some kind of help. I see my councillor and that helps but also to speak to someone about what I have been through and to get an understanding that it will get better.

I am just sooooo tired with it all and the exhaustion is excrutiating as still need to get through work and everything else that needs to be done. My legs just keep feeling like they want to give way, which is linked to my CFS.

Any help or advice anyone can give me to help me get through this time. My ex is being so difficult and has now said that if I do not take off the financial agreement charges he is going to go for my pension which I have a significant amount to his nothing. I have worked for mine and built it up and he sees those money bags. I know that this is another way of him trying to have control over me. He is also messing with the house and saying that now something else needs to be done before can say when it will complete. It is making me so stressed out and upset, I am really in myself at the moment and just do not want to do anything. I keep crying and when not crying I am just so exhausted but am unable to sleep as my mind is so busy all the time with thoughts of what he could do next.

Thank You to you all for listening to me go on and for being there. I just cannot wait for the break which is coming up at the end of the week and time off to be able to try and sort things out and rest.

Sending hugs to you all

xxx

[new survivor]

Thank you for all your comments. It means a lot to me to have your support.

I am having a really bad day today and just feeling really upset. I just want to curl up in a ball and hide away.

I just do not understand it at all and all the pain that I feel.

I just want to come out of the big dark hole that I am in and like you said is like being in a puddle of treacle that you are trying to get out of.

All I think of is what he did, how he treated me and that he has made me feel isolated. I just wish that I could feel better and that the fatigue would go away. I will take the advice though and speak to people.

I have been trying to build up the confidence to call women’s aid for a few months now to get some help and support but everytime I go to do it I lose confidence. I just wish I had someone who would sit there and help me through it and help me to not lose faith and confidence in that I will be judged for everything that have been through and that it will show that I am at fault for it all and that I did bring it on myself.

Thank you to you all

xxx

[new survivor]

Thank You confused 123, it is really helpful the message that you have sent through.

I am glad that there is a support network on here and there are always people who respond and offer help and support.

I tried to speak to one of my friends the other evening and they were so unsympathetic and just did not want to listen and said that they keep on hearing it. Yes they may have done but they have not experienced it and do not know how hard it is at times. It is not just dealing with the everyday it is trying to overcome the years and years of abuse which have been through and just wish that there was something that I knew about where I live to be able to speak to others who have been through abuse as like on here they will understand and will be able to help

xxx

[new survivor]

Thank You for your message Serenity. It really helps to have support and people who understand what is happening and how I feel.

Thank You for your advice.

The chronic fatigue is massively at bay at the moment almost as bad as before I left him. It is the exhaustion and the battle of carrying on with everything that needs to be done on a daily basis. My legs keep on giving way at the moment with all the pressure from what he is causing as well as maintaining a full time job.

xxx

[new survivor]

You are not a failure at all and we all have a really trusting spirit which we lose a part of when we are abused.

Well done to you it sounds like you have a great support network around you to help you to get through the good and the bad days. This is something which is needed and helps you to get through.

It is really hard when you are having a bad day and you just want to do nothing at all.

You will begin to trust again it will just take time and you will see that in yourself with who you speak to and what you say to them. Also that you will have the control and know what is right and wrong.

Take it a day at a time and you will have your up and down days. I try on a bad day to try and think of one good thing which I have managed to achieve even though it can be the hardest thing as you feel that everything that you have done in that day is wrong.

I hope that going out to watch the rugby has been a distraction for you.

Remember we are all here for you and support you.

xxx

[new survivor]

Thank You.

It is just really hard some days and because of everything that has happened I just do not know who I am able to trust and who I can turn to in times of need. This forum has been really good as there is support and people understand what you are going through as they have been through it, are going through it or have survived.

It is like that people who do not know just do not understand the pain and ordeals which you go through on a daily basis and the pure exhaustion from putting on a brave face and pretending to be ok for the public eye because you do not want your business discussed. I (detail removed by moderator) on a daily basis have to put on a strong face and pretend that I am ok with hope that the cracks do not shine through.

You are right though that you choose who you open up to and discuss what is happening and what has happened. People do begin to judge and think that they will back away and will not have to deal with everything that is going on or do not know what to say because they have not been through it.

I just want someone to reach out and say that it is going to be ok. I feel like I am the person who brought all of this on myself and that I should have seen it sooner. Also that the public eye will judge me for being out and about, I fear going out and seeing people or think that everyone is looking at me. This is something which I need to get past and need to have confidence in myself to get through and to get through each day.

I just feel isolated at the moment and on my own and just want someone to hug me and tell me that I will be ok. I just want that physical contact and to be able to step out with my head held high and to feel like I have a little bit of confidence back in myself to carry out the everydays and to be able to go out without being scared.

It is really hard and just hope that will one day be able to start to feel better and start to feel like a human again as well as being able to function, sleep and rest without getting upset.

xxx

[new survivor]

Thank You everyone.

It is just really hard at the moment and am trying really hard to hold it together and to be strong and to be able to carry on with everyday life. I am working myself into the ground, feel exhausted as cannot sleep as when I am asleep I feel bad and that I should be able to sort myself out.

I keep wishing that I had the courage to phone the helpline. I need someone to be there to hold my hand whilst doing it, but have so few friends that I just do not know who or what to do to turn to be able to do it.

I know that people have said that it has helped them and that they have found support from it.

How do you manage to get the guts to be able to do it? Did people manage to do it without support?

I just feel that if I spoke to them and was able to speak about what has happened it will help.

Please help me as need to sort things out and need to be able to feel a bit better before I make myself really ill.

I am struggling but managing to get into work at the moment as cannot have anytime off.

Any suggestions or help would be appreciated.

xx

[new survivor]

Hi Serenity

Thank you for your message and kind words.

I am glad to be able to speak to someone in a similar position and to see that I am not on my own.

Sometimes it feels like there is no way to turn or know what to do.

I am just glad that I have had my faith to help me through and the support of the parish community has been more than my friends. They have made me feel bad as they just do not understand.

I have been made to feel bad by the fact I walked away but know if I had stayed I probably wouldn’t be alive now as would have worked myself into the ground as well as everything else and would have been more broken than I already am. I know that I am better off without him in my life but it doesn’t take away the hurt or the pain that I am feeling.

Did you find that when you came out?

Is this how you felt?

I just feel really upset tonight and just want to curl up and cry and hide away.

I just want to stop feeling this way as want to be able to live my life and feel like a normal human being again.

I hope that this makes sense

Xxx

[new survivor]

Thank You for your support.

I have had more support on here from you than my friends have shown me at all.

I am glad that I have here and to gain the support.

It is horrible and not nice to be in.

Thank You all again

xxx

[new survivor]

Hey

I am sorry that you are feeling like this and sending you huge hugs to help you feel better.

I wish that we all were neighbours and that we were close by to give the all needed hugs, support and brews to help each other to get through the bad days.

It will get easier in time. Every day is a battle and you will gain strength as you see how much you have done.

I find it a struggle every day to get up and function at the moment and to see the light at the end of the tunnel but there is something that makes me get up everyday and to go to work as hard as that is.

You will get there and you have a lot of strength in you to have got this far.

We are all here for you and sending you lots of love and hugs

xxx

[new survivor]

Today has been such a hard day.

I am really feeling alone and sad and has taken a huge amount to do anything at all and just keep crying.

I just wish there was someone around who would give me a hug and say everything is going to be ok and that they understand what it is that I am going through. I just wish one of my friends would get in touch and say hey how are you? Do you need anything? Do you want to do something? Noone gets in touch and if I see them they just say chin up or get on with it not knowing how hard it is.

I just feel so alone and sad.

I spoke to my ex as we are trying to sort out the house and has been saying for ages that they are going to buy it but now have changed their mind and want to sell the house which will now taken even longer to get sorted out and then has said how long it will take. They have also taken in a tenant in the house so their contract has to run before the sale can go through and I am still making payments on the house as legally have to pay towards the mortgage. I just feel every time I try to sort something out it goes steps backwards and I feel like rubbish as the control is gone from me.

I just get so upset when speaking to him as he knows how to push buttons and to make me upset. Its only that have to speak to him about the house and divorce. He also sent the divorce papers back saying (detail removed by moderator) so that he did not have to sign them straight away.

I just feel really sad. It is like I give my all during the week and then at weekend I really feel down, but struggled in work as well this week has just been so hard and just want someone to understand why I am feeling as I am.

Sorry for the down post, I am just finding it all hard at the moment and not sure what to do.

xxx

[new survivor]

Memand do not be angry with yourself. It takes time to be able to get out and you also have children to think about. One day you will have the courage and will be able to leave you will know when the time is right.

We are all here for you and do not feel guilty about thinking about breaking up your family you are thinking about your family and ways in which to make things better for them. You are so strong, stronger than you think.

I am really sorry that you feel like a prisoner and so sad. Sending you huge hugs to help you to get through.

Keep talking to people on here and letting out how you feel.

I am sure you will continue to find the strength that you have to get through each day and keep confiding.

Am here for you if you want to speak about anything and you can always offload.

Huge hugs coming your way

xxx

[new survivor]

You have done well to find the strength to go to the solicitors appointment. It is really hard but it is an initial step.They are really good with you when you go and ask you questions. It is the first step of a long journey and takes a huge amount of strength.

I took the initial step and went to see the solicitor to get the divorce started. It was really hard but is good that you have the support from a good neighbour. Write down what you what to ask and what you want to know from the consultation.

It is good to have the support of people on here and I understand where you are coming from and you just want someone to reach out and hug you and say that you are going to be ok and that they are there for you and that they will help you to get through the hard times. People who have not been in a similar situation find it hard to understand what you are feeling and going through. However, there will always be an arm outreached for you on here to give you a huge hug and to help you to get through and especially this weekend. I hope that you manage to distract yourself and keep yourself busy. It is really tough and I am feeling the lonliness as well as feel that I am on my own and have noone to help me to get through and to support me.

I really hope that you are ok this weekend and the appointment goes well at the solicitors.

Hugs xx

[new survivor]

Thank You to you all for your supportive comments and reading them is helpful.

I am going to get the courage to ring Woman’s Aid and to see if there is a freedom program in the area where I live. I need to do something. I just have not had the courage to be able to do this and to be able to seek advice. It took a huge amount of courage to come on here and to type, but am glad that I did as have found people who understand what I am feeling and why I feel the way that I do. Also to be able to ask questions to people who have been in a similar situation.

I go for private counselling which have been paying for a while now and have regular sessions. We discuss what has been happening and that my ex is being difficult with everything at the moment and trying to gain back control with things like the sale of the house – wanting it and then not wanting it and then wanting it and then no put it on the market. It is the manipulation that you get when trying to resolve things.

When I first left everyone said that I looked really well and that I was brighter but feel at the moment that I have hit a wall and just feel exhausted all the time. This morning it took me over an hour to get the energy to get up and get dressed and to go to work. I made myself go in and to get through the day as best as I could. It is just a constant battle all the time. It is just so difficult and have a really good mask but today I could not hide it at all and everyone said I looked ill. I have chronic fatigue syndrome and stress makes me feel worse with it and today was a bad day with it. It is the pain in my legs that is the worst feeling and the having no strength in my whole body. This is how I feel all the time at the moment.

I do hope that speaking to people who understand will help me to feel better and will support me. Speaking on here has helped and reading other people’s posts seeing that I am not on my own and that there will always be someone on here who will help and support and offer words of encouragement, support and send hugs. Is like having a big support group.

Thank You to you all and sending you all hugs xx

[new survivor]

Thank You for you post.

It is good to see how you can come out on the other side.

Thank You for the support and seeing everyones comments on here are helpful as is good to not be judged and everyone understands thought processes and what you are going through.

I will find the guts to speak and get on the freedom programme.

xx

[new survivor]

Thank You for your message.

The hardest part is that since the break up my supposed friends have disappeared off the planet and just not replying to me and have not seen them at all. They all promised that they would be there for me and would support me through it but when have reached out they have not been there for me. That is just so hard as feel all on my own and that they have not been a support network for me.

I had never admitted the abusive relationship until I had left as did not see it at all. It is the way that they word it and make it seem that they are doing what they are doing for your well being and to help you to get through what you are doing. I also do not want to say people what has happened as feel ashamed of myself for letting it happen to me and that I will be judged for it.

I want to be able to speak about it and am glad to be able to speak about it on here.

I had one support network in work who was (detail removed by Moderator) but she left (detail removed by Moderator) ago and it has hit me really hard as she knew how to help me through so have to manage everything whilst in work and have noone to turn to when I need someone. I would take time off but I was so ill (detail removed by Moderator) ago I had a mini break down which they think was linked to what I was going through and missed (detail removed by Moderator) so have to be really careful about having time off. I feel I need it to help me to deal with everything and to sort myself out. I worry that I am not doing my best and that I am a failure.

It will get easier won’t it?

There is just so much going on at the moment and am really struggling to get through everyday. I have to put a brave face on in work as when I spoke about it to my boss was told leave your personal business at the door you are here to do your job and not dwell on what is going on in your life. People also see it as a weakness if I get upset or am withdrawn. I work in a team and just withdraw myself when they are all together and do jobs which need to be done.

It feels really difficult to try and function and to keep going along with being told chin up from people. That is the hard part.

xx

[new survivor]

I can see where you are coming from and this was how I felt before I ended it and left. I kept telling myself that it was me, that things were going to get better and that to give it a bit longer and he will change and the way he is would change towards me. Then one day I got the guts and left for the final time, in the months before I had told him to go but then let him back in but the final time I could not take anymore and finished it and left my house.

It is really hard when you are in it as you keep pushing your feelings aside and hoping that things will be better and you will find a way to work it out or to find a way to get through.

It is good that you have felt that you can confide in your friend. It is good to have someone there who will support you and listen to you. It is hard as they do not always understand as they have not been through what you are going through and do not understand why you feel like you do. Keep talking to them though as you will need them as you move forward.

Louise Hay books are good and there is also a page on Facebook which gives you daily affirmations.

Also The Secret is another one.

I really hope that things get better for you and you work out what you want and where you will go.

I left (detail removed by Moderator) ago and it is tough and still feel strange and do not understand it all.

I am just so tired and exhausted all the time and all the comments sit in my head.

You will get through this though.

xxx

[new survivor]

Hi Thank You

Is good to know that here will support through the bad and the good times.

It is really hard and have been trying to be brave for so long but now it is all coming down on me and making me feel really down and upset.

I just want people to understand what it is that I am going through and that it is going to be a rocky journey. As people do not know everything they say things like “you are rushing things, you did not show that things were not good”. I have not told them what has happened but it does not make it any easier as things were not good for a while and managed to hide it all.

There are times where I just want to scream out and say what has happened and for them to see why I walked when I did. It was not an easy decision to make and had tried to end it many times before but did not manage it.

I get so upset at the moment because keep thinking that it was my fault that in the end he cheated on me and all that was blamed on me and that I brought it on myself.

I am times think is it me? Three relationships and they have all been abusive – first mentally and emotionally, second physical abuse and third mental and emotional abuse. Do I attract it? Is it my fault?

I am trying to do work which needs to be done (detail removed by Moderator) but cannot concentrate as just feel really down and upset.

xx

[new survivor]

Thank You and is good to know that I am not alone in this and that others have come through this and see the other side.

I am currently seeing a councillor I paid to go private (detail removed by moderator)months ago when was at a really low point as it is really hard to get appointments (detail removed by moderator) to see NHS councillors.

I just need to get the courage to pick up the phone. I find it so much easier to type what is in my head than speak it. I clam up inside and then do not manage to get out what I want.

I still worry constantly about what is going to happen and as am trying to sort out the house and the divorce the mind games start and when I speak to him he tries to win back control and then pulls me in again to make me feel bad for what I am doing and for trying to sort things out saying I am rushing things and want everything to be done now.

People who I thought were friends have not been. I have got one confidant but they are really busy and think that they are getting fed up of me speaking to them and struggling to get through what needs to be done. I just feel lonely and that people do not understand what is going through my head and that there are going to be good and bad days.

xx

[new survivor]

Thank you for your response.

I will look into what can be done and how I can gain the strength to do this.

I am just exhausted all the time with worry of what will happen.

Thank you

Xx

[new survivor]

Hi there

Thank you so much for your reply and support.

Thank you for the virtual hug and sending one back to you as well.

Your words are really good and helpful and yes would like to hear your idea with the faith.

Everyday is a battle and sometimes do not know how I get through the day without breaking down.
It is this time where it starts to hit and then the head starts thinking.

I need to find something to fill my time and not just plough myself into my job or hide away in my room.

I see him with his life he has moved on and let’s me give money every month whilst he has everything. But I had to walk away but he is playing mind games with me.

Thank you for reading and giving the advice.
And support.

These last two days have helped with people helping and being there.

Xx

[new survivor]

Thank you the virtual hug is well received and much needed.

It is good to have a place where people understand and can talk together about experiences and ways to help each other.

The solicitor is now going to get tough as says he has messed around enough now and is making me ill.

I feel bad aa see how much it is hurting those in my family to see me so low and feel bad for putting on them and causing them pain.

I just want it to be over and just need to know how to shut him out and how to get rid of the years of abuse that I took.

Thank you.

[Author]

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