Nomorenomore

[Nomorenomore]

I’m sorry for all the horrible things you have all been through. Thank you for helping. My concussion seems to be clearing a bit now. I can see things a bit clearer. I’m going to stay with my family for a bit and work out what I can do next x

[Nomorenomore]

Oh and your friends sound like (detail removed by Moderator). You are allowed a period of sadness and adjustment. TLC a hug and support is what your friends should be offering. So here is a hug from a stranger xx

[Nomorenomore]

I’m sorry you had to see that he sounds awful. I hope the pain eventually turns into strength. He will most likely carry on the same patterns with this new girl sadly. Time to invest in your self. To rebuild yourself stronger. You did well getting out for a meal. Keep looking after yourself xxx

[Nomorenomore]

Thanks for your messages. I have read them all a few times and letting them sink in. I know you are all right. So why don’t I say something? I don’t understand it myself. It seems scary to start a process that can’t never be undone. I just keep thinking I’m not dead yet (I know that is an insane thought) maybe just maybe seeing the extent of my injury might shock him to stop. I am angry at him but I don’t hate him I just want him to be nice. I was bought up to cope privately and not tell family secrets so it is extra hard to do. I’m angry at myself for behaving like a victim. Hiding in the house for days and wearing dark glasses. Why do I feel that he is weaved into my very being? So much so that I feel I am betraying him by saying anything. We have been together a very long time. I am annoyed that I have friends and family reaching out but I just can’t tell them. I’m making excuses up regarding cancelled plans.

[Nomorenomore]

Thank so you are both right. I haven’t as yet been able to tell anyone that he did it but I have told a few people I’ve been injured and he knows about this. I’m hoping it will be the first step….I felt a bit stronger just reading your replies so thank you x

[Nomorenomore]

I told them I had tripped and hit my head…I was unconscious for a while but remember him slapping and screaming in my ear. I think he thought I was faking. I just don’t understand why he would be like this to me? it was wasn’t days of build up it was a quick snap of rage. Everything in his life is great I just can’t work it out. I think he is resentful of me for some reason

[Nomorenomore]

I feel so sad and like such a victim. I never thought I would be a victim I guess none of us did. Sitting in the hospital by myself I could feel the staring and judgement of have you been hit. I was so embarrassed

[Nomorenomore]

You haven’t let anyone down you are inspiring that you have left him at all. I read a quote I liked today “they thought they could bury us but didn’t realise we were seeds” things can get better x

[Nomorenomore]

Than you both for responding. I going to continue with my plan one day at a time x

[Nomorenomore]

Moon I can understand you don’t feel you are able to not move back home but why don’t you give yourself 24 hours. A gift to yourself of one day of not feeling afraid. Make something up about it being the refuge policy you can’t move out for a couple
Of days until you have been assessed or something. Just to give you time to breath and reflect on this decision? X

[Nomorenomore]

Thank you this discussion was over the phone today. He will be back later so I guess I feel a bit sick in how he will respond in person for my stand of independence. He hasn’t lost his temper with me for one week and is trying to stop being abusive. I’m nervous that this could trigger another bad episode 😔

[Nomorenomore]

I have in the last few days spoken out over what has been happening to me. I have grown stronger and stronger by saying it. I never uttered a word to anyone before this. It was my secret I don’t know why? Shame embarrassment guilt were some of the feelings that I felt. My daughter helped
Me speak up. I didn’t want her life affected by it. I wrote a story about myself except it wasn’t made up. I kept it on my phone in notes and reading it helped me to see how wrong it was. You may be in shock if there has been a recent attack. I was. It’s the first brave step to even post anything. Sending love x

[Nomorenomore]

You are right godschild. It does feel like it’s not that bad. When I look back on the recent years though every weekend and holiday has been ruined by his moodiness. Even if it hasn’t been physical there has normally been some kind of verbal abuse. I have never had a holiday in (detail removed by moderator) years where there wasn’t an incident of verbal abuse or a couple of black days where he would be mean. Normally waits till I’m wearing a bikini to say “we” should really get to the gym together. I’m not obese but I did have (detail removed by moderator) children. I’m normal slim size but just not super skinny like when I met him. To be honest I realise I comfort eat when he is mean to me. Even though I am not fat. In anger he calls me a fat c***t. Once he said that we had to do a weigh in together. I said no and he got really angry. I was (weight removed by moderator)at the time so hardly in need of an intervention. This was just after my second child. He would get moody if I didn’t go to the gym so I would drive and sit in the car for an hour pretending I had been. That’s really controlling isn’t it I didn’t realise at the time.

[Nomorenomore]

Thanks Ayanna, godschild and confused123. Your advice was really appreciated. It’s fading so I’m beginning to think I’m not in a domestic abusive situation so I’m really glad I actually posted what happended to me. It helps to remind myself why I must set my standard higher in how I’m going to be treated. I’m letting him do his thing with counselling etc but something inside me has changed. It’s slowly slowly clicking into place how far I have come from who I really am. I can’t blame it all on him I have to accept some responsibility. It must of been pretty rubbish to see a woman who once travelled the world was motivated and took care in her appearance turn into what I had become. Taking anti depressants not leaving the house losing motivation. Maybe he did that to me but maybe I did it myself and his frustration made the abuse worse….I don’t know? I do know that I am starting to find
Myself again. I feel the fire of who I am is coming back. Slowly slowly I’m realising thanks to the advice here that I don’t have to live my life based on someone else’s happiness or moods. I can choose a happy life by myself. Hope this feeling stays. Sending love to us all x

[Nomorenomore]

Hi Hun I have recently posted my experience but you know what over the last 7 years I have written posts for this and the old forum and then decided not to post and deleted them instead. They were very much like your
Posts. Starting off with my husband is just a lovely man but occasionally has angry outbursts. I write I know he would never hit me though but his anger is very scary and ott. Fast forward a few years and the deleted post was about how he occasionally smashes things in my home ( the tv the oven door) punches walls and his own head. In between these episodes he was the MOST wonderful loving man. Then it just started getting worse and worse. I wish I had listened to that inner voice way back when we were dating that said RUN. Our instinct is very accurate never doubt yourself listening to it. Friends can be selfish and if they have never experienced it they have no clue what it is like. Don’t judge your good instincts on other peoples hopeless ones. If your partner does take his own life this is not your fault. He has made his own choices a choice to scare you a choice to abuse you and a choice to kill himself. These are not your choices.

[Nomorenomore]

Ps confused….I’m sorry the abuse got so bad for you. Thanks for your support xx

[Nomorenomore]

Children not Holden sorry

[Nomorenomore]

Thanks I just realised I came across as some kind of religious weirdo I’m not honest. I just like doing charity work and helping people and I guess I thought if I have values like that I might be happy. It didn’t work. The reference to it was how ironic there we are trying to show care to people when on the way to the event he is screaming so badly at me other drivers are trying to help. Do you know what’s odd though….I carried on with the coffee morning. When he kissed me and said sorry I felt relived and was happy to get on with the day. When he beat me so badly recently that I honestly though my Holden would be waking up to a dead mother I still had friends around for dinner. Put make up on my bruises and smiled while making small talk. No one had any idea. That’s weird don’t you think. I don’t know why I did that. Thanks for the advice. It’s nice to know someone is listening. I tried to talk to my sister today but she wasn’t really interested so I didn’t carry on x

[Nomorenomore]

I’m so glad you left him x

[Nomorenomore]

I also realised after talking to my sister that there has only been 2 years out of (removed by moderator) that I haven’t been living with either a aggressive husband or father. I need to change this pattern for my children x

[Nomorenomore]

Thank you all. I have decided we are separated but living in the same house. I listened in to his telephone consultation with the counseler and he was honest about the verbal abuse and the severity. They wouldn’t give him anger management but have referred him to CBT which he starts on Friday. I have told him that we have allot to talk about when he is able to keep calm. I will be staying the rules of my house. If they are not kept he will be leaving. I know as I’m writing this though it would take another severe beating before I have the strength of character to finish with him for good. I have been reading Lundys book thank you. I know I might not survive that beating. I’m checking in with his dad three times a day. We have a plan that if there are any signs of explosive anger I’m to get in the car and drive to his parents house. I am slowly building my network. I was honest with my sister this week about what has been happening. I feel by breaking the silence it’s giving me strength. I want to be strong enough that he either tows the line or its over. He has been reading a book I downloaded from RESPECT website called choose to stop. He implemented some of the guidelines yesterday. Left the house when he felt he was stressed and telephoned to ask permission to return and apologised. He said he is going to do anything and everything possible to change. I told him that if the CBT doesn’t work well enough he must do the respects course. I need to figure out if he does screw up again what do i do? Our house is mortgaged I have 4 children and don’t work as my twins are just (removed by moderator). How would I find out exactly what financial situation I would be in. I want to make a plan in case this all goes wrong. I know I wouldn’t survive another beating like the last one x

[Nomorenomore]

Thank you ladies it feels so good just to talk. how confidential is this forum? Will I get traced to the police or social services? I have so much to say but worried x

[Nomorenomore]

Hi I’m new! I have 4 children and been with my partner for 14 years. I never thought this would be the journey but it is so I am dealing with it. Started off great (doesn’t it always) then came the mean words with an explosive temper….then the personal comments….then shouting in my face….then pushing up against the wall while screaming abuse at me….then holding my wrists while doing the shouting stopping me leaving….then shoving and throwing objects at me….then pushing to the floor and grabbing my face so hard….then throwing to the floor and the odd kick or hit…..ending with a full on 10min attack of continuously punching kicking banging my head against the wall punching in my face repeatedly. So I guess this is why I’m here. This was a slow decline over 10years. So ladies here is the flow chart if you spot your abuse you will see where it will travel to next. Get out x

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