Pears2021

[Pears2021]

I feel like you ‘cheating’ (which you didn’t, you weren’t with them) was kind of a perfect excuse for them to control you.
With me, I’ve not cheated on my partner. But he was cheated on by his ex and I cheated on my ex too, which my partner knows about. I feel this has been as an excuse to control everything I do and who I talk to, and to check on everything I’m doing. It’s unhealthy, controlling, and not okay.
Them threatening/attempting suicide is also a way to manipulate, control, guilt you into staying with them. You are not selfish.

[Pears2021]

Hi, I think this is financial abuse. I also think he is using your child against you. And is ridiculing you in front of your children.

[Pears2021]

Hi, this sounds like reactive abuse. I can also see isolation, emotional abuse, and sexual abuse. It also sounds like he is trying to use his mother as a flying monkey. And also, with changing his mind as you said above, it sounds like gaslighting to me.
I also think there is nothing wrong with wanting to be hygienic, especially when you have a baby.

[Pears2021]

Hi, I agree with the other person that replied. I was thinking too that your friend should write it down for you, and you can read it bit by bit when you feel ready, rather than feel bombarded. Yes he’s hurt her. But this is for you to decide how you feel about your relationship and what to do about it.
With me, my family have made police reports about my partner. I know they were well meaning. But it upset me because I felt that they were taking my choices/decisions away, if that makes sense. He got away away with stuff though anyway because my family had actually made errors in what they’d told the police.

[Pears2021]

Mine said (detail removed by Moderator) to his (detail removed by Moderator) that women are so stupid. He was referring to when he met me on a dating site- He said he’d just send the same messages to 50 women in a row, a few times a day. Considering the amount of rubbish I’m going through in my life now, well I feel like such a fool.

[Pears2021]

If he goes back to prison, they will basically show up at my familys and boot the door off apparently.
Hes already broke the chain off my moms front door.
He has also threatened to smash the windows in, and was deadly serious, when he knew a child and vulnerable adult could have been home.

[Pears2021]

Hi, I’ve got several logs on him. I never name him though because he’s on probation. I’ve been threatened with his family a million times. I don’t want my family having to deal with this. I feel it’s all my fault- if I’d never met him, none of this would happened

[Pears2021]

Hi there,
I had an ex who was still on dating dates, even when we were engaged to be married. I’d have the evidence, ask what was going on, and he’d say it wasn’t him, even though it was his nickname as the username, a picture of him, and his email address. So I started sending emails to myself, keeping what I’d seen, as I thought I was going crazy. His family were the same, they cheated too, and thought it was funny and acceptable.
Fast forward and my last ex… I asked to lend his phone quickly and found him messaging women on a (detail removed by moderator) site. I also found him on a dating site too, which he denied.
My partner who I’ve just left… has been through my main email account, through years worth of emails (including the emails to myself) and has read everything! Without my permission. He hates cheating (so he says), but takes their side. And said it’s my fault that I have had repeated, failed relationships. Doesn’t seem to be able to see that maybe it wasn’t all just me. And won’t see that my relationships earlier in life weren’t like that at all, and they weren’t ‘failed’. There’s such a thing as growing apart.
So anyway, I can relate…
Sorry, I’m rambling. I’ve just joined. I posted twice, but no response yet. Does it take a while for others to see your posts?

[Pears2021]

I’ve just had comments because I (detail removed by moderator). I just heard her shouting & swearing & slamming it shut. I feel like I’m constantly walking on eggshells, much like with him.

[Pears2021]

He also knew recently that I’d taken pictures of my injuries and was emailing them to myself. He has also deleted, and forced me to deleted, pictures of my injuries.

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