Pineapplepie

[Pineapplepie]

Thank you, it feels so scary to think of leaving. I’ll start with the online chat x

[Pineapplepie]

Thank you for replying, I’m not in touch with any organisation, nobody knows, I’ve friends and family but I just can’t tell them, maybe the neighbours know but I’ve not told anyone. He wants to talk to me later u. The week because he says that I don’t understand. I honestly don’t know what I’ve done, other than question him on two things?
I’ve not been the perfect person in the past but I’ve learnt, changed and grown

[Pineapplepie]

Writing it down seems a good idea, not sure where as I wouldn’t want him to find it.
I had one day a the weekend where he was horrible and criticising me all day, to the point I burst into tears, which he was saying was fake, he doesn’t realise or care how hurtful he is being. He doesn’t stop when he starts saying things and i know I’ve a full day of it, it is exhausting.
One thing I have noticed is how He’s very critical of everyone around him and angry at everything so when he falls out or has a disagreement with someone else I breathe a sigh of relief as I won’t be having a day of it being targeted at me; bit I still have to listen to how he’s right about whatever it is.
But what I noticed is when he hasn’t got any one to fall out with he creates some with me, it’s like he thrives of it

[Pineapplepie]

Thank you Lisa and determinedtobehappy for replying, it makes sense what you are saying. He’s gone back into his nice phase since this and I’m so on edge with the weekend coming up.
I was alone in the kitchen yesterday and my eldest walked in, I jumped out of my skin because I thought it was him, not long before I’d popped out to the shop, I was only a short time but I thought he was going to start with me and accuse me of cheating by wanting to go out late on. He hasn’t said anything about this but I’m waiting for it. This must be how he keeps me on edge, I wonder if he knows he doing in?
It is what seems normal to me now, but I know it’s not.

[Pineapplepie]

What you have written is so similar to what I also went through at the start of the relationship, the only difference is I’m still in it with two children and struggle to leave. It only gets worse.
It really isn’t nice to live that way and you got the strength to leave,
I think the mind play tricks on us and lets us believe it isn’t or wasn’t so bad when deep down we know it is.

[Pineapplepie]

This is my struggle, in the nice phase he’s amazing and when he’s not, it’s awful. We’ve had a nice phase from (detail removed by Moderator) until (detail removed by Moderator), it’s been great and I think we are getting somewhere and going to have a good future, I start to make plans in my head but then when he just randomly starts in me think what am I doing? Why do I put up with this.
I’m secretly praying he’ll be nice to me tomorrow and we can get back on track.

[Pineapplepie]

Thank you, it’s so hard my head says one thing, my heart says another. Until I read something the other year I thought I deserved this and it was all my fault. I just need some to click into place but it’s so hard when he nice then not, he’s a big drinker and I think that plays a massive part in the way he acts.
I’ve tried to talk to him but it always turn into ‘what he’s had to put up with from me’ and that why he acts the way he does towards me. I the. feel guilty but what he says is all twisted and exaggerated and as much as I know it is I can’t stick up for myself. He can get really nasty and I read I should keep things as evidence so a separate email is a good idea. I have friends and family but no one knows, I think people would be shocked if they knew as he comes across so well with others and everyone likes him.
I’ve become pretty good at hiding things so I don’t know people would believe me.

[Pineapplepie]

Thank you, good idea. Maybe when I leave or if something happens that people will believe me, no one doubts me and I’m so embarrassed that I’m in this situation that I don’t tell anyone what happens, I’ve a feeling that he would turn everything against me, like every time I try to talk to him he does.

[Pineapplepie]

Hi, sorry I don’t have any advice, but I can relate.
this is one of the many reasons I think I’m scared to leave my husband but I dont know to what extent they’d be safe to be with him for a long period of time with his drinking, some days he drinks a lot, some days not as much, but every day he drinks. He wouldn’t hurt them but he falls asleep, in a deep sleep, gets frustrated etc.
I hope you find an answer.

[Pineapplepie]

Thank you all for replying.

He almost falls out with everyone he meets, eventually, but no he doesn’t ever hit them. He shouts at his mum the same way he does me but would never hit her, I tried to speak with her about him but she doesn’t want to be involved.
I don’t tell anyone about this as I’m really embarrassed, a few of my friends and family know a few things but not the full extent.
A friend of mine said that she couldn’t believe a strong person like me wouldn’t put up with anything like this. How wrong is she, And my mouth wouldn’t let me tell her that she is wrong, and I am allowing this to happen and I don’t feel strong or confident after this last incident. I feel so worn out.

[Pineapplepie]

You are right; I do want my family, I want it normal, I wish he could. I felt he wasn’t just a partner but my best friend, I love him so much and wish I could stop. I look back at the things that have happened and I’ve sort of blocked it all out, I can see now that this all started in the first year of us being together but I couldn’t see it as 99% of the time it’s been verbal.

[Pineapplepie]

Thank you all so much for replying, there’s plenty for me to research to try and accept the reality of this, it’s going to be hard for me to accept that the person who I thought my husband is, isn’t really him anymore, or maybe he has never been who I thought he was. It’s a very confusing time.

[Pineapplepie]

Thank you all so much for your replies, I will certainly look into all your suggestions and I agree, i do need to see someone or speak with someone for me, to build confidence and some strength.
(Removed by moderator), he decided he was going to speak to me and he has decided that everything is now ok ( he has practically ignored me since (removed by moderator) and after hitting me). He called me at (removed by moderator) asked me what were having to eat later and then screamed down the phone, said he wasn’t leaving after all but if I did one more thing he would. When I got home he kept asking if I’d cheated on him over and over. It is draining. He then said he’s going to let this one go ( I don’t know what I’ve done) and have a nice Christmas with the children, he was then overly too nice with the children.I have barely said a word, I can’t work him out or what is actually happening. All I know at the minute is that I’m embarrassed that I’ve let it come to this, I feel guilty for all he’s done for me and I’m ashamed that I feel this way.

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