Sogo1234

[Sogo1234]

I’m so happy you have left and are safe now. He sounds horrible.

Yes, I’ve had this with my ex who pushed me against a cupboard, strangled me and said he was going to unalive me. He then didn’t remember any of it at all. Was very odd. His brain just shut down when he was angry or something. It was scary.

My current boyfriend gaslights me constantly saying he never said certain things or I never said things etc… a lot of it I remember so clearly too but it does make me feel crazy and like I can’t trust my brain. They do this though as a tactic for more control.

I hope you’re okay! x

[Sogo1234]

Well done for leaving. You’ve done the hard part that I am struggling with still.

They try to make it like you’re the problem and they don’t take accountability or try to work on themselves.

Sounds very similar to what my boyfriend says, that every relationship has arguments and ups and downs. Trying to downplay the abuse and make it seem normal. It’s not normal to be dealing with constant outbursts and be walking on eggshells.

Stay strong. You’ve done the right thing x

[Sogo1234]

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. It sounds similar to my situation. My ex boyfriend lost a parent while we were together and he used that as an attack against me too saying I never did enough to help support him, I have been selfish and I was apparently making everything about me among other things.

I really feel for you as I know how hurtful it is to have someone you love weaponize something like that when you do care and are trying to help and be empathetic.

You’ve not done anything wrong. I don’t know a lot about the grieving process but I do believe that it is no excuse to speak to you and attack you like that. You do not deserve to be treated like that. It sounds like the abuse was happening before too and this has just triggered it to come back?

Stay strong and keep posting x

[Sogo1234]

We had a big fight (detail removed by Moderator) again over text and the phone and broke up. He was being absolutely vile to me and recorded me during an argument saying he won’t delete it until things are sorted whichever way they go.

He gets home (detail removed by Moderator) and I’m so scared I will crumble. I need all the strength I can get to leave for good. He’s trying to make me out to be a horrible person because I acted like him once and said some nasty things after dealing with years of his abuse.

Please send me strength to end things properly and for good (detail removed by Moderator) .

[Sogo1234]

He’s now said he has told his family about everything and how I apparently got physical with him. I just tried to grab his phone to see what else he was lying about. He has painted this horrible picture of me. And he’s fixated on me apparently lying to him when I never did. I remember having a conversation with him about what he is referring to.

He is making it all about me and not his horrible behaviour.

I feel so destroyed by this. Trying not to break down. I acted so out of character and it wasn’t me and now I feel like I’m the abuser and everyone hates me and thinks the worst of me.

Why would he be like this if he loves me. I just feel like he never loved me and it was all a lie 🙁

[Sogo1234]

Hope it’s okay to add to this. I could barely sleep last night. I keep waking up so upset and angry with myself and just don’t understand how I could say some of the horrible things I did. I don’t know what is wrong with me. I wish I could turn back time and re-do everything.

I’m starting to question if everything over the past two years was even that bad. I just want him to give me a hug and things to go back to normal. But he lied to me and swore on my life this thing didn’t happen but it did.. we can’t come back from that.

I just don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel here. I have read stories about couples coming to a crossroads and things being bad and then they work through it.

He’s said his friends don’t like me too.

Is there even any coming back from this? One of my friends said I need to just rip off the bandaid and I think she is right but I just can’t even fathom that right now but if I stay I just don’t trust him anymore.

Sorry if that doesnt make sense. I’m so upset and not in a good headspace right now.

[Sogo1234]

I’m so happy for you. That sounds amazing x

[Sogo1234]

Sorry to add..I just can’t believe I’ve let myself down so much and stayed. I wish I was stronger and left a long time ago. When we were first together and out at an event he got angry at me for bringing up that how he spoke to a woman made me uncomfortable (he was flirting and being really touchy with her). Then he yelled at me in front of everyone. I wish I’d had the strength to leave then. Things were fine for nearly a year but now the past 2 months they have been so bad and I just feel so drained and sad and like I’m betraying myself.

[Sogo1234]

So sorry you’ve dealt with this. It is horrible being on edge just knowing another fight will come at some point. I empathise 🙁 I hope it stays okay for you.

I have spoken to my friends about things and now I feel embarrassed and like they are going to judge me as I’m staying with him (for now). They tell me to leave him.

I guess I’m just happy there’s no arguing at the moment. But I keep having bad dreams about him lying, being nasty or cheating. It’s exhausting but I’m just not strong enough to leave yet.

Thank you for your comment and support x

[Sogo1234]

Thank you. It’s just hard to accept that that’s how he operates and how his brain works. I just can’t comprehend it.

Thanks so much for your comment and for explaining it all. Appreciate it!

[Sogo1234]

Thank you. I’m sorry you are dealing with this too. It’s so hard because my heart hurts thinking about the arguments and the lies but then I love him and when things are good they are really nice.

I become a shell of a human when we are arguing or at break up stage and don’t feel strong enough to push through that point yet. It’s just nice to have a break from arguing at the moment. I’m so scared to bring anything up or have any discussions because I can’t deal with the arguing.

[Sogo1234]

This sounds so similar to my situation. I really feel for you. It is soul destroying. I don’t feel like myself either anymore so I really empathise with that. It is a horrible feeling 🙁

Please stay safe x

[Sogo1234]

He does seem so unphased by all of this. It makes it even worse. Like there’s no remorse and he is just trying to get me to say I’m the horrible one, the one in the wrong and grovel. He has already started telling people how horrible I am. I can’t keep living like this. I hope I can stay strong.

[Sogo1234]

I’m so sorry you are dealing with this 🙁 it’s so hard to leave a pet. I think I’m going to have to. I don’t think I could stay in the house where so much horrible stuff has happened just to keep our pet 🙁

[Sogo1234]

I’m so sorry you dealt with that. I was warned about him by someone anonymously too. I don’t think he has cheated though but in a weird way I wish he would because I just feel like I’m the worst person at the moment and it’s all me 🙁 thank you for the support x

[Sogo1234]

Thank you, it’s so horrible.. I am a really calm and gentle person but this is really breaking and changing me. It’s so scary.

I’m so sorry you dealt with similar 🙁

[Sogo1234]

I have a counsellor and I should be getting a call back from a domestic abuse charity this week so I am getting some support, thank you. I might speak to my GP tomorrow too because I am struggling a lot.

I’m sorry you dealt with this too. My boyfriend tells me I’m abusive and have narcissistic traits 🙁 After arguments he just gets over it straight away and isn’t even bothered about the things he says but if I say one mean thing I will go over and over it in my head and beat myself up for days 🙁 I don’t understand how he just is unphased by the things he says to me and how he treats me.

[Sogo1234]

Thank you. I’m so sorry you dealt with that. It’s so exhausting and so devastating 🙁

[Sogo1234]

Thank you Lisa.

He sort of seems like he is sorry and will be like “we both said some things we didn’t mean, let’s just move forward now” however today I brought up something I noticed on social media and he immediately gaslighted me and said I shouldn’t be causing issues over insignificant things and insulted me again. So I don’t think he ever is actually sorry.

Honestly feel like I’m going crazy. I don’t believe anything he says anymore and even when I have evidence he says I’m not right but it makes me question what I saw.

I am so confused and feel like I’m losing touch with reality. My brain feels like it is going to explode and I feel so anxious and my chest is tight.

I love him but I am worried about what this is doing to my sanity and my health

[Sogo1234]

You are not the problem. Our brains or abusive partners make us believe this. I hope you are feeling a bit better now. I’m sorry you are going through this x

[Sogo1234]

I relate to all of this too. It is so exhausting 🙁

It’s so easy to start thinking it wasn’t that bad. I have started speaking to friends about what’s happening because it helps me to see things from an outside perspective..it’s so easy to start downplaying it when they are being nice.

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