Trapped.

[Trapped.]

I’m trjlng to get help but no one is listening to me because I’m not actually hurting myself I’m holding it together for the kids. Xxx

[Trapped.]

We had a other argument. He called 999 and hung up. But the turned up. I told them I hit myself and tbat. Everhtbings so up in the air xxx

[Trapped.]

I’ll be calling 999 once I’m out to report everything. I will also get their help with any safety measures on my property xx

[Trapped.]

Im going to have to get the police involved to get some sort of order in place. My mum said she would help. I thought about breakfast clubs as well so I keep thinking of all my options. I guess I’m just worried what’s next for me.

There’s a possibility that I could get a place in a refuge but it may not be in my area and I don’t want to uproat my kids again. Just because I couldn’t see the signs you know?

I’ve thought about also moving them back to the school he was at before I was convinced it would be a good idea to have them all at the same schools.

I don’t know. What’s next you know.. Thank you for your reply xx

[Trapped.]

Hi there.

Can you tell him it’s counselling but but general counselling?

Hope you’re okay.

Trapped.

[Trapped.]

So we got into another row today, but difference is today I’m not bowing down when he decides he doesn’t wanna split up. I’ve told him I don’t know how I feel.

See how he likes it not to have control.

He’s just giving me the whole, I love you baby I want to go to the doctors and speed up the referral for mental health team and get some support.

Not sure what to believe anymore. He already made the referral before without it being an ultimatum. Well I’ve never made him think he’s gonna lose me either.

Xxx

[Trapped.]

But then I get full of hope that we could turn into something amazing like young said in the first comment?

But.. is it really liable? Most likely not.

I feel sick I’ve got myself in this position again and sad that I’ve fallen for another abuser xx

[Trapped.]

Hi wants to help,

Just replied on other one. Thank you so much for your reply on here also xx

[Trapped.]

You’re so right. I think I ignored the red flags before because I was infatuated in love with him. But now because of his behaviour and actions, I’m starting to resent him and it’s like the fog is being lifted but I still feel attatched to him like a dog on a chain.

[Trapped.]

I don’t know if it’s clear but he’s not the person who I was in an abusive relationship with before.

It’s so difficult because I have bonded with his child too. So much has happened.

He made me abort our baby because he didn’t believe it was his.

Even his ex tried to warn me. I don’t know what’s to do because I struggle to break free. It’s like he’s got the strongest glue in the world. I’m getting stronger and managing to actually not feel so down and depressed when’s he treats me like shit but your right, me and my kids deserve more!
I just think, what if this time round he changes and we have the best relationship and these were all distant memories.

I want to say thank you for clarifying the fact I’m not going crazy also because o thought this for a long time xx

[Trapped.]

Thanks hun x

[Trapped.]

I’ve messaged you bumblebee.

I’ve tried my GP but no one listed to me. I told the police yesterday and hut myself on the head and they said they will try and get a referral.

Trapped. Xx

[Trapped.]

Don’t worry. I already have a plan to get me out safely. I’ve already spoken to my local dv team about it all x

[Trapped.]

Hi @camel

I haven’t heard of that no.

Because I cheated on him he wants me to do these certain things like, if I open and read his message to reply straight away as it makes him think I’m cheating on him again. Mind you, that was never something I even done when I cheated on him.

But funny thing is, I told him to tell me when he speaks to her again etc.
He does but a few days later when it’s convenient for him.
He told me this weekend, that during the week that we haven’t spend together he did speak to her but he told her he wants to concentrate on his relationship with me and they’ve never done to well as friends etc and she wished him all the happiness and that was that.

But my point is, the moment I read his message and don’t reply for no more than 10 minutes because I was sick, that meant that we had a huge row because I made him think I was letting some man out of my house that morning. Or some shit! It’s all a little crazy now.

So he’s allowed to keep shit from me for a few days but I’m not allowed ten minutes to be sick wtf.

I don’t know what to think anymore. But I’m struggling so hard to break free.

Xxx

[Trapped.]

@smallbutbrave please can i inbox you or you inbox me?

@Soulsearcher18 yes I am finding it hard to emotionally break free. He did say some strange things this weekend in a joking manner such as;
(detail removed by Moderator)

He doesn’t say it in a way that you would immediately be alarmed at. But iv been watching and observing him more lately. I don’t know what to do. Deep down, I’m not truly happy.

(detail removed by Moderator) when he split up with me for the 500th time during lockdown, he decided he needed to talk to the girl that he was seeing before me, someone who I’m incredibly insecure about. He told me a few days later and apparently haven’t spoken since, but both chatted about how their partners cheated on them. She was apparently saying how (detail removed by Moderator) and he apparently said (detail removed by Moderator). He sees it as just reassuring a friend, but he admitted to me that he found her attractive and that’s one of the main reasons why he doesn’t want to talk to her anymore as from what I gather, he doesn’t want to get feelings for her and wants to make it work with me. Apparently talking to her made him realize that all he wants is me and it felt weird talking to her. But alarm bells started ringing when he wouldn’t show me the conversation out of respect to her, but bare in mind, when Ive made mistakes, Ive proved and showed him all I could to help him feel better.

Its all a mess, my head is a mess. He seems to be showing signs of recognizing his behaviour and is trying to make a change.

Ive tried to access counselling before and never really found it helped. But I’m making steps to be better in my mental health as that is one thing holding me back. I’ve recently been looking deeper into myself and I feel I may have Borderline Personality Disorder, like my partner does. I managed to get a referral to my local mental health team so small steps.

Yes, I do have my own place where me and my children now spend the week days. But I do still love spending the weekends with him, as do the kids to some extent as sometimes they row.
I definitely feel emotionally trapped at the moment as a pose to physically trapped.

Thanks all for your kind words of encouragement, look forward to hearing from you to do with this update. Would love to make some more friends as I dont have many people around me so if anyone else is the same, please send me an inbox.

All my love xxxx

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