Wakemeup

[Wakemeup]

Why does he do that is Lundy Bancroft she also has a daily wisdom version for ladies that are in the fog and struggle to concentrate

[Wakemeup]

Water is also cleansing this includes tears so cry when you need to! If you have people to talk to let it out.

[Wakemeup]

Yes from very early in there were red flags and my sister and son didn’t like him from the start! Intuition is never wrong it’s spirit trying to tell you!

[Wakemeup]

Mine was pretty much like @iliketea experience
After nearly (detail removed by Moderator) years of ups and downs on and offs it all happened in a weekend! Well the devaluation had started again probably a week or two before and I could sense it amping up with nothing being good enough nothing being right and almost comparing what he had (me) to what he wanted or could have . Then came the arguement ….. after him poking me and goading me for a response I snapped and he got the arguement he wanted . He insulted as usual verbal and psychologically put me down . I could feel myself breaking again and getting low and I new what came next . The discard . He was either or was about to speak to other women meet other women and have sex with other women . So I went to bed on the (detail removed by Moderator) night and said to myself if he doesn’t touch me or speak to me before I wake up I’m leaving! He’d already started withholding sex again (another control and sign he was cheating or about to)
Woke up for work ordered a cab packed as I was getting ready and left for work and forever (speak it into existence) that was (detail removed by Moderator) weeks ago and not heard a peep from him and vice versa. Xx
It comes when you least expect it . Although I do remember thinking I’d been through the cycle so many times I new what was coming next and what the red flags were. And I’d told myself if he starts to act like there’s other women then there are indeed other women and to get out. He’d broken me and hurt me so many times and the sheer fact he thought HE was the prize and still had complaints and the nerve to tell me he had high expectations and I wasn’t meeting them basically, after everything he had done !! I just new it would never change because he will never be happy

[Wakemeup]

The intermittent highs and lows and infrequent’nice’ side cause a trauma bond and cognitive dissonance. I’ve found listening to videos about this on YouTube helpful. And also by somebody verifying that why you’re feeling is also from abuse makes it easier to not want to repeat and repeat and repeat . It’s almost like there were never any really positive or nice moments because it was manipulation just like the bad moments and insults and everything else. It also made me realise that I’m exhausted because I’m constantly stressed and nervous and anxious and it’s become such a normal emotion I didn’t pay it any mind . And some days I’m startled really easily . It’s hyper vigilance because you’re constantly in an aroused state on eggshells and tenderhoooks

[Wakemeup]

I loved this thread thankyou ladies x also wondering if we could maybe start a book swap via post? I know some people like to keep hold of books for reference etc .

[Wakemeup]

I’m pretty sure they all read the same abusers manual as this sounded all too familiar and I can just feel how you’re feeling ❤️
How he’s made you feel is exactly the reason he acts the was he does . You’re at least gauging the cycle it makes it slightly less personal if you just note the cycle and what to expect next and I would listen when he spoke for specific gaslighting and belittling like I was dissecting a science experiment. It started making it less personal and less about me and more about his predictable responses and behaviour. I didn’t say it out loud but it did help . X

[Wakemeup]

@nbumblebee thanks for the response .
I spent all weekend crying and just thinking ‘why can’t I just leave’ ? In hindsight when I think about the balance and what needs I actually get met in the relationship I couldn’t think of many if any! I just feel exhausted and ran ragged all the time and he just acted entitled to that and more . Goal posts constantly moved so could never do enough or do right he was never satisfied or content . We had what I thought was a good period of about (removed by moderator) weeks prior to this (removed by moderator) weeks or so I thought . His mood would just suddenly change to cold and dismissive and he’d start picking to then say it hadn’t been right for (removed by moderator) plus weeks and something is missing. So then I just thought even when I think it’s good it isn’t good in his eyes it’s never enough . And the thought of everything he’d done prior to still be claiming HE wasn’t happy snapped me . My work week is ok I can fill time and stay busy . This will be my first weekend in my own and I’ve mixed emotions. No work no noise no orders no silent treatment no crying no eggshells .

[Wakemeup]

I heard something that said , we don’t live because of the fear of the unknown . But what about the known. We know the cycle we know what comes after and if we stay we relive that feeling another 25,95,god knows how many times again and again . I just new the cheating was about to come again and the devaluation would get worse and worse and I’d gone from a human with feelings and ideas and a voice to a robot /slave again . And it kept taking me back to a time in summer when I felt humiliated and broken by him . And didn’t want to live that again one more time let alone 25 more times . So I made his food cleaned his flat cut his nails wrapped his sons bday presents got him apple juice and snacks and went to bed with him next to me but a million miles away . Woke up for work (before him) ordered a cab in advance , packed and left before he even woke up . Never heard from him since . I do feel more empowered that I didn’t wait for him to discard me like a soggy paper straw this time .

[Wakemeup]

Thankyou banana boat .
We split last (removed by moderator). He left me and returned in January. I know it gets better just like I know it gets worse . I’m externally strong but internally I’m looking for anything and everything to stay gone and get stronger . I can’t wait to be in a place where I can offer encouragement and support to women where I am now x

[Wakemeup]

I don’t have to walk on eggshells I don’t feel on edge and anxious about him coming home or calling and me having nothing to say I havnt got a list of never ending items being added on or his sense of entitlement or complaints . But I feel lost and a bit empty . I know I’ve done the right thing but but if he called and said he was wrong and wanted to change I’d probably go back. He won’t and it won’t change . He will already be fixating on his new replacement I don’t doubt . It’s like being disposable. Dehumanising

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